


When The World Ends

by SweetToothFox



Series: Come Home To Me [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior
Genre: Angst, Attempted Kidnapping, BDSM, BDSM Scene, Bondage, Collar, Collars, Consensual Kink, Dominant Reader, F/M, Fluff, Heavy BDSM, Kidnapping, Light BDSM, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Multi, Rope Bondage, Submissive Spencer Reid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 53,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27769717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetToothFox/pseuds/SweetToothFox
Summary: The sequel to When The World Stops - Please read that firstBegins at the end of When The World Stops
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader, Spencer Reid & You, Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Series: Come Home To Me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030812
Comments: 172
Kudos: 73





	1. Prologue

I walked into my lecture hall to find a note in Spencer’s handwriting. I smiled and began to read, thinking it was first-day-back encouragement.

_My love,  
_ _By the time you finish reading this, I will be far enough away that you cannot catch up. For that, I am truly sorry.  
_ _Go to Hotch's office. Give him this letter. He will help you. The team will help you.  
Please, for the sake of our children, stay calm. I would rather die than see you hurt._

_Hotch: Find my message. Find me, please.  
Above all, please keep my wife and children safe._

_My life is in your hands._

_Spencer Reid_

I dropped the note, hands shaking, then picked it up again, sprinting to the elevators. My stomach was churning. I wanted to vomit with fear as I stumbled into the bullpen.

"Hotch!" I screamed. "Aaron!"

The team was immediately surrounding me, but I kept my hand on the letter until Hotch appeared. I was barely able to hand the letter to him before I broke down crying.

My ears were ringing, the room was spinning, the world was crashing down. My hand was clenched around my wedding ring as I prayed.

_Spencer, please, hold on for me._


	2. His Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You desperately try to find Spencer.

“Okay, let’s go over this again,” Hotch instructed.

I took a shaky breath. “Spencer and I drove the kids to kindergarten and came here. He dropped me off at the door because I wanted to get ready for my class. I stopped at Penelope’s office to say hi and drop off cookies we baked this weekend. Then, I went to my lecture hall. There was a note from Spencer on the desk. I read it and came straight here.”

“So, sometime between you walking in and finally going into your lecture hall, the note was written and left.” M said.

I nodded.

Hotch shook his head, “Not necessarily. It could have been written before.”

“Why wouldn’t Spencer say anything?” I asked.

“If you or your kids were threatened.” Hotch looked up. “Shit, the kids. M and JJ, go get them, now.”

“Please,” I whispered. “Please let them be safe.”

***

JJ shepherded the kids into the briefing room. They immediately ran up to me as I wiped the tears away.

“Mom!” Maeve said happily, trying to climb up on me. “Where’s dad?”

“Dad had to go away for work, he’ll be back soon.” I managed, smiling and kissing her cheek. “Aunt Penelope is going to help babysit you while mom works, okay?”

“Okay!” Tobias agreed. “Mom, what do we call them?” He pointed to M.

I smiled. We’d been working with them on gender-neutral language, but you really never knew with kids.

“That’s M, you can just call them that, or you can call them Double-O Seven.” I grinned at them.

“I’m gonna call them Double-O Seven.” Tobias decided.

I laughed. “Okay, sweetie. So they’re going to take you to find Aunt Penelope, okay? Mom has to talk about work things.”

They nodded and followed M out of the room. As soon as the door shut, I broke out in silent tears, unable to contain myself anymore.

“How do I tell them?” I whispered. “How?”

“We find Reid and bring him home.” Rossi said firmly. “That’s how.”

“We sent agents to your house to see if there’s anything there. I suggest you call Deanna and inform her on what’s going on, in case this is related to her or your family.” Hotch held out my phone, which I’d dropped.

I nodded and took the phone, hands shaking. I could barely keep my fingers from shaking as I called her. It rang, and rang, and then she picked up.

“Hey, mom, what’s going on?” She asked. “I’ve got class in ten minutes.”

I looked up at the team, not knowing what to say.

“Deanna, this is Agent Aaron Hotchner.” He leaned forward. “Are you in a private location right now?”

“Hotch? Yeah, I’m in my dorm room, what’s going on?” She sounded worried now.

“Spencer…” I whispered. “Spencer’s gone.”

“What do you mean, _gone_?”

“Agent Spencer Reid has gone missing. He left a note asking for our help in finding him.” Emily told her, keeping her eyes on me. “We don’t know who took him or why, so it’s possible you’re in danger.”

“Get me on the next plane home.” Deanna demanded immediately.

I shook my head. “No, you have class, stay there. You can’t do anything here.”

“I’m not just going to sit here if dad is missing!” She shot back. “Either you send the jet or I buy a plane ticket.”

“No.” My voice was firm. “You stay.”

“If you don’t find him in a week, I’m coming home.” She hung up.

I took a shaky breath.

“Let’s go over the note again.” Morgan suggested. “It’s Reid, he left some kind of message. How would he do that?”

“First letters are too obvious.” I started. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“What about second or third letters?” Rossi asked.

“Too difficult.” Emily shook her head. “It’s hidden some other way.”

Hotch met my eyes. “Think. You’ve been with Spencer for years. Close your eyes, think, how would he hide a message?”

I thought, closing my eyes, trying to focus. All I could think of was the sound of his voice, the feeling of his lips on mine, his hand on my cheek.

_No. We’re focusing. Breathe, think, how would Spencer hide a message?_

“Invisible ink.” I said. “He was showing the kids how to hide messages with lemon juice, they talked about using your own pee. They loved it. He got all of us these cute pens with invisible ink and a mini black light.”

I grabbed at my jacket, finding the pen in the inner pocket. I grabbed it and pressed the small button down, shining the black light on the paper. There it was, in scribbled handwriting, but clearly Spencer’s.

_My love,  
I hope with all my heart you read this.  
I’m sorry you will have to go through all this again, and I wish more than anything I could be there to help you._

_I love you.  
I will always come home to you._

_Check my phone._

I was immediately on my feet, sprinting to the elevators, scrambling through my bag to find the car keys. JJ was following behind me, hitting the button as I pulled out the keys. We ran into the parking garage and I hit the alarm button, finding the car quickly. I unlocked it, scrambling through the mess.

“Where’s his phone?” I muttered. “Where could he have left it?”

“They could’ve destroyed it.” JJ pointed out. “They know it’s a tracker.”

“No, Spencer’s smarter than that, there’s a reason he said that.” I paced across the concrete. “FBI phones have a black box style tracker. If it’s with them, it should be traceable.”

“I’ll get Garcia on it.” JJ pulled out her phone. “I’m assuming Spencer knew that?”

I nodded.

“He could’ve hidden it on himself. There’s hope. We’ll find him.”

I wished I could believe her.

***

“Bingo on our baby black box,” Garcia called from her office.

I sprinted in. “Well?”

“A hundred miles or from here, looks like… a bunch of nothing.” She shrugged.

“Send a team.” Hotch walked in behind me.

“Does his alternate phone have a tracker?” Penelope asked.

I nodded.

She began typing again, then sighed. “Nothing.”

I buried my face in my hands, tears starting to flow again.

“Hey, we’re going to find him.” Penelope pulled me into a hug. “He won’t give up until he’s home.”

“What if we’re too late?” I could barely choke out the question.

“If they wanted him dead, they wouldn’t kidnap him.” Hotch answered immediately. “That wouldn’t make sense. They’re keeping him alive for something.”

I almost hated that thought more.

“We’re going to find him.” Penelope assured me. “He’s a fighter, you know that. He’ll never give up.”

I shook my head. “Not if it’s him or us. He’s sacrifice himself in a heartbeat. Either of us would.”

“If they wanted him dead, they wouldn’t kidnap him.” She repeated. “We will find him.”

***

“We’ve got agents around the site. This looks like a storm bunker or something.” The captain of the team reported. “We have a full perimeter, ready to breach.”

“Go on it.” Hotch nodded, though they couldn’t see him.

We were all clustered in Garcia’s small office (except JJ, who’d taken the kids). We watched the bodycam feed nervously, everyone holding their breath.

_“What do we say to victims’ families?” I’d asked my class._

_M’s hand had shot up. “I need you to focus in order to bring your relative back home safe. Please calm down, breathe, and help us, for their sake.”_

_For Spencer’s sake._

“Breaching the door now.”

There was a loud bang as the door was forced open. The team swarmed in, checking around, but there was no one in the single, dark room. Only a screen, sitting on a small table, flickering. The captain approached it, and it lit up.

“I’m going to assume that Mrs. Agent Reid is watching.” The voice was cool. “Hello, darling. Nice to speak to you again?”

 _Again?_ I clenched my fists. “Just tell me where my husband is.”

“I bet you thought you were clever with the tracker. Pity you’re so predictable.” They taunted. “Your husband is alive, though, don’t worry.”

_Please let that be true._

“He’s right here.”

The image on the screen changed, showing Spencer and I- wait. That couldn’t be right. That was the play party, our open-door scene. Spencer bound in the center of the room, me off to the side.

“Captain, have your agents turn away.” Hotch ordered.

“Whoops, wrong image, sorry!” The voice laughed.

It changed again. Spencer and I again, but earlier; our collaring ceremony.

Again. A perfectly framed shot of Spencer and I proposing to each other.

Again. Spencer, hanging from his wrists in our bedroom. I was next to him, holding a paddle.

Again. Spencer, kneeling at my feet as I sat on the couch.

Again. Spencer and I in New York, in Deanna’s apartment. His arms wrapped around me.

Again. Spencer and I in a hotel room in our underwear. The time we’d shown each other our scars.

Again. Me, on my knees, blindfolded. Spencer above me, one hand in my hair. I was wearing a plain leather collar and rope harness. Submitting.

The screen went black again.

“Beginning to understand?” He taunted. “Bitch?”

_No. I know that voice._

“Here’s your husband.”

Spencer, tied to a prison bed, bound with rope and gagged with tape. He was in his underwear. Fresh cuts covered his chest. There were marks on his arms, marks I knew too well. He didn’t struggle, but looked at the camera, eyes dull, barely blinking.

“Spencer,” I sobbed. “No…”

“He’s easy to find. Me? Not so much.” That voice, so familiar. “I will not see until I see you on your knees, begging. You are pathetic, and you will see that.”

_No._

The screen turned off. I ran out of the room, shutting myself in the nearest empty office.

_“Get on your knees.” He’d growled. “Is that all it takes to flip the script? Pathetic.”_

I heard the door open and looked up to see Hotch, crouching in front of me, looking more concerned than I’d ever seen him.

“Do you want to tell me who that was?” He asked.

“I know Penelope told you about the images… He’s the one who released them.” I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I’ll have Garcia pull the records.”

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “This is my fault.”

“No. This is his fault. We will find Spencer, and we will find the man who did this to you. I promise.” He left.

I started at the carpeted floor, numb. The door opened and closed again.

“Hey.” Morgan said.

I glanced up as he sat, leaning against the door, facing me.

“Garcia told us that guy hurt you. That’s all she said.” He began. “But I know those words, that reaction. I know why he chose those pictures.”

I couldn’t say anything if I tried.

“He left a note with directions, we think it’s to Reid. We’ve got a team on the way.” Morgan seemed unfazed by my lack of reaction. “It’s a prison. I’m guessing that asshole’s prison, somehow. I can’t imagine how awful this is and I’ve been accused of murder. But if you want to talk, I’m staying here.”

I took a deep shuddering breath. And then another, until it finally felt like I was getting oxygen again.

“He was my submissive. We took pictures and videos. He tried to dominate me in a scene, I refused. He released them as revenge porn.” I wished I didn’t have to tell him this, but for myself, I needed to. “I took him to court. Criminal for revenge porn and assault, and civil for breach of contract. He got life.” Another deep breath. “He’s why it’s so hard for me to be submissive. Spencer and I… we’ve only really breached my subspace like that in the past few months. It was all sexual before that, but this is for the emotional release.”

Morgan nodded, understanding.

“We didn’t take any of those photos. He must have.” I shuddered at the thought. “The party shouldn’t have even had cameras. I don’t know how I missed him.”

“He might have had an accomplice. Someone you wouldn’t recognize.” Morgan pointed out. “Will you tell me his name?”

“Daniel Frost.” My voice sounded hollow. “Please, I… I just need to know Spencer’s okay.”

***

They found Spencer, drugged so much he could barely react. His pulse was low, dangerously low. He was brought to the hospital for a blood test and recovery. Hydromorphone, as expected. The prison was Daniel’s old one, down to the cell. It had been shut down but access to the site was easy; not even barbed wire on the gate.

Daniel wasn’t there.

I sat by Spencer’s bedside as machines beeped, acting as his liver, monitoring his pulse. It quickened a little, and I jolted up.

Spencer, woozy on the drugs and blood loss, just smiled at me. “Told you I’d always come home to you.”

Before I could answer, his eyes drifted closed again. I broke down in tears, not knowing if they were joy or sadness or something else entirely.

_Spencer’s home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I sorry?  
> A little bit.


	3. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The healing process begins.

I forced myself to shower, scrubbing my skin, trying desperately to feel clean. I got out, toweled off, buttoned up my shirt, and pulled on a skirt, clasping it, smoothing my clothes out as I looked in the mirror. My eyes were puffy with tears, but I applied enough makeup that it was only noticeable if you looked closely. I pulled my hair back, tying it up tightly. I picked up the necklace I’d chosen; the chain necklace that I’d worn at Hotch’s holiday party. I clasped it, took one more deep breath, and looked myself in the eyes.

“You’re going to be strong for Spencer.” I told myself. “You can do this.”

I walked out of the bedroom and to the living room, where Jenna and Elle were taking care of the twins. I smiled as they rushed up to me, kissing them both.

“Hey, you two!” I smiled. “Are you aunts taking good care of you?”

“We want to go see Dad!” Maeve answered. “They’re nice, but where’s Dad?”

“Dad got hurt on a case, he’s not feeling good, but if you’re nice and calm, we can go see him.” I told them. “Do you think you can do that?”

“We can!” Tobias confirmed.

“Okay, let’s go then.”

***

“Remember, Dad’s not feeling good, so we’re going to be quiet, okay?” I asked the twins as we stood outside the hospital room.

Maeve nodded. “Shhhh!”

“Shhh!” Tobias repeated.

“Exactly.” I smiled and opened the door.

Spencer was sitting up, surrounded by machines and monitors, but awake. He broke into a smile as soon as he saw the kids. “Hey, you two!”

“Dad!” They both said in hushed, excited voices. They rushed forward, trying to climb onto the bed to hug him.

“Why are you in a dress?” Tobias asked.

Spencer laughed; the sound was bright, calming. “It’s just what they make you wear if you’re hurt here, bud. I’ll be able to change out of it when I go home.”

“It’s not a pretty dress.” Maeve added. “Mommy’s are prettier.”

“Your mom’s dresses are definitely prettier.” Spencer agreed. “Have you been taking good care of her while I was working!”

“We always do!” Tobias bounced happily.

“That’s my good little man.” Spencer ruffled his hair. “Now, can I talk to your mom alone for a second?”

“Aunt Pen is outside; we can wait with her.” Maeve nodded solemnly.

“Sounds great, go play with Penelope, okay?”

They nodded and I helped them out of the room, where Penelope was waiting. I closed the door and pulled a seat next to Spencer’s bed, kissing him gently.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Well, if I move my arms too much or take a deep breath, the cuts hurt, and I can’t have any painkillers, so not great.” He answered. “But pretty well, considering.”

“What did he say to you?”

“I don’t remember a lot of it, he was mostly just yelling about how awful you were and how much he hates you. He only did this to me to hurt you, I knew that. The worst part was having to write the note.”

My heart broke again thinking about the note.

“He told me exactly what to write…” Spencer whispered, hands shaking. “He wanted me to be found. I barely managed to write the hidden note, and I couldn’t risk telling you anything.”

“Did he tell you who he was?”

Spencer nodded. “He didn’t even try to lie about what he did to you.”

“I’m sorry,” I was shaking worse than he was. “This is all my fault.”

“No, it’s not. He made the decision to hurt you through me, and he’s going to pay for that.” Spencer sounded angry, really angry. “I don’t care what we have to do, we’re going to find him.”

I leaned forward to kiss him. It was going to be light, but he almost immediately deepened it, tongue brushing against my lips, moving as if it was our first time. I could feel my tears drip down my face, but they were tears of joy and relief. I had Spencer again.

***

“I can’t find anything on him,” Garcia groaned in frustration. “How does he disappear this well?”

“Keep looking. Check any alibis, there’s no way he leaves prison with no trace.” Hotch instructed. “Do we have any information on why he got out?”

“Good behavior.” She answered with a sigh.

“It was supposed to be without parole.” I shook my head. “What the fuck?”

“White dude in the prison system, what do you expect?” Morgan countered. “Give him the right judge and the right lawyer and they twist it.”

“Why wasn’t I there?”

Hotch looked up. “It depends on the nature of the trial; I would avoid calling you if I was the defendant.”

“This is bullshit.” I sighed and leaned back. “Garcia, anything?”

“He was only released two weeks ago, which means all this happened fast.” She answered. “I’m still having issues with alibis, he had to have an accomplice.”

“Keep working.” Hotch instructed. “This is our only case until we catch him.”

***

The team refused to let me drive anywhere, saying I wasn’t in the right emotional state, that it wouldn’t be safe. Jenna picked me up when the team couldn’t; I knew she was taking fewer shifts at the club to help, which made me feel awful, but she assured me it was okay. Spencer was still at the hospital. The cuts had been infected by Daniel, and they were bad; Spencer was on a ventilator to help him breathe. Two of the cuts pierced his lungs; one on each side. It was a miracle he was alive. We couldn’t let the kids in to see him anymore, since it was too dangerous.

“I’m off tonight, so I’m making dinner.” Jenna announced as she pulled into my driveway. “Don’t even start to object, honey.”

I shut my mouth. I hadn’t eaten a proper meal since Spencer disappeared, and I knew it was showing. We walked in and I just walked to the couch, collapsing, pulling one of Spencer’s shirts close to my chest. I curled up around it, wishing he could be with me. Jenna walked over and sat behind me, pulling me into her arms. She rocked me back and forth, not saying anything. I broke down crying, clinging to her.

“What did I do to deserve this?” I asked, voice breaking.

“You didn’t do anything,” She answered firmly. “This is his fault, you know that. You can’t keep blaming yourself for what he’s doing to you, that’s what he wants. He wants you to tear yourself apart with guilt.”

“He’s winning.”

“Don’t let him.” She moved so I had to look her in the eyes. “You fought for so long, you deserve peace. If you don’t react, he doesn’t succeed.”

“I just want Spencer.” I whispered. “I want my husband.”

***

 ** _Message from: Daddy <3  
_** **Do what you need to do to recover.**  
I love you.

***

“Are you sure about this?” Jenna asked.

I nodded, eyes closed, focusing on my breathing. I shifted on my knees, settling to be comfortable. Jenna rested one hand on the back of my neck, grip just tight enough to remind me it was there.

“I want you to try to repeat after me.” I could hear the dominance bleeding into her voice. “It’s okay if you can’t, but try for me, okay?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good.” I heard Jenna shift a little. “I am safe.”

I took a deep breath. “I am safe.”

“Good, you’re doing well.” She praised. “Spencer is okay.”

“Spencer is okay.”

“He is, you know that, he’ll be home soon.” She paused. “My children are safe.”

“My children are safe.” _Thank heaven._

“It is not my fault that I was assaulted.”

This one was difficult, and she knew that. “It… It is not my fault that I was assaulted.”

“Well done, you’re doing amazing.” Jenna ruffled my hair a little, knowing I liked it. “It is Daniel’s fault Spencer was kidnapped.”

“It is Daniel’s fault Spencer was kidnapped.” I repeated.

“It is not my fault Spencer was kidnapped.” I knew that it was just the previous statement reframed, but it was harder. “You can do this.”

“It is not my fault Spencer was kidnapped.” I barely managed to choke it out.

“Good job.” She ran her hand through my hair gently, providing a distraction. “It is not my fault Spencer was hurt.”

_I should have helped him; we could have found him earlier._

“It-” My voice almost immediately broke. “It is not... It is not my fault…”

“You can do this, it’s okay.” Jenna encouraged.

“It is not my fault Spencer was hurt.” I managed. It was an effort, but it felt good to say it.

“Good job, I’m so proud of you,” Jenna praised, letting me lean against her leg and relax. “You did so well.”

I managed a small smile. “I want my Spencer…” I whispered. “I just want my family.”

***

Spencer’s wounds finally healed enough that he could come home. His chest was covered in bandages, but he could breathe better, and his lungs were mostly healed. The kids were at school, so we drove home together, one of my hands on his leg. We were quiet, but a happy, content quiet. When we arrived home, I helped Spencer in, letting him lean on me, walking slowly. I dropped his bags and helped him back to the bedroom, letting him sit up on the bed. I climbed in next to him, pulling the covers over us both.

“It’s good to be home.” He smiled a little. “And I’m really glad that you’re home with me.”

I leaned down and kissed him. “I love you so much, Spencer Reid.”

“I love you more, Mrs. Reid.” He grinned at me. “I just got out of the hospital, I get to call you that.”

“I’m okay with that.” I laughed at his expression. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

We fell silent again for a few seconds.

“Jenna came over to help me the other day.” I tried to stay casual. “She helped me deal with the stress of all of this.”

“I’m glad. Like I told you, I want you to do what you need in order to cope.” He kissed my cheek. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“She had me get on my knees and repeat after her, it’s something she used to do with me when I was dealing with anxiety issues. It’s a version of my subspace.” I suddenly couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t do that with you.”

“Listen to me. If that’s what helps you, then I support it. You don’t need to apologize to me for that.” Spencer said firmly. “I know Jenna has helped you before, and I’m glad you have someone else to help take care of you.”

I held him closer, careful to avoid hurting him, and put up one pinky. “Promise?”

He wrapped his pinky around mine. “I promise.”

***

“As some of you know, I’ve been off for a month dealing with some personal issues.” I announced to the class. “My husband, Dr. Spencer Reid, was kidnapped and tortured, and is now home and in recovery. I took time off to help track down the unsub and take care of my husband, but I’m back now. If you have any questions about how this will affect your training or the situation, feel free to come up after class.”

Luckily, I knew my lecture well, and got through the class as well as could be expected. After class, I sat at the desk, mostly answering questions about the course. Once everyone was satisfied, I stood and went to the BAU’s floor, where the team was still working on Spencer’s kidnapping case.

“We’ve got a lead on Frost.” Emily explained as I walked in. “Well, his accomplice. During the time between your incident and the trial, he began dating another girl. As far as we can tell, they entered a 24/7 dynamic. When he entered prison, she visited him regularly.”

“Do we have an ID on her?”

“Way ahead of you, honey.” Garcia answered. “Meet Lacey Felix, this douchebag’s equally douchey girlfriend. She’s an expert at escaping charges on technicalities, and we believe that’s part of why he got out. She dropped out of law school just before they met.”

“Wonderful.” I sighed. “Any idea where she is?”

“Ready for the surprise of the century?” Garcia asked. “Middle of nowhere, Florida. We’ve already got officers on the way, but we don’t know if he’s with her.”

“Keep me updated.” I requested. “I need more coffee, and I’m going to update Spencer.”

M followed me out of the room, also getting a cup, but they clearly had something else to say.

“What’s going on, M?” I asked.

“You’re not okay, and we both know it.” They stated bluntly. “You’re hiding the bags under your eyes with a massive amount of makeup, you’re not sleeping, and your tone of voice is so dull your lecture would put me to sleep, and I like your lectures.”

“Is there a point here, or are you just going to tell me I look like shit?”

“I set up an office with a bed, blankets, tea, and melatonin gummies. Get some sleep.” They instructed. “That’s an order, Agent.”

I didn’t even have the energy to argue.

***

Spencer wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck and shoulders. I clung to him as if my life depended on it.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He murmured. “The entire time… He cut me before he drugged me, just to make it worse. The only reason I didn’t beg him to kill me is because I knew it would hurt you.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know why he let me keep my collar on, but I just kept going back to the feeling of you putting it on me, the calm I felt.”

“What about the Dilaudid?” My voice was quiet. I sounded broken.

“I hated it, more than I’ve ever hated it before. It didn’t even help; I knew it was just another way of hurting you. I begged him not to give it to me. I didn’t even want it when we were in the hospital, even though I could feel the effects of withdrawal. I couldn’t do that to you again.” He pulled me closer. “Do you remember the first time we said ‘I love you’?”

I laughed a little. “Yeah, after I got shot. We have a bad habit of getting into trouble, don’t we?”

“My troublemaker,” he nipped at my ear.

“Emily was taking care of me before the ambulance arrived.” I realized I never told him. “I told her… I told her if I didn’t survive, that she needed to tell you that I loved you. I couldn’t let go knowing I hadn’t told you.”

“I love you so much, I wanted to tell you before,” he shifted us both so he could kiss me. “I didn’t know that you felt the same way, I was scared I was going too fast.”

“I’ve had a crush on you since I joined the team.” I giggled a little. “I sound like a teenager, jeez. ‘Oh, I had a crush on you.’”

He laughed. “You’re adorable.”

“Shush.” I kissed him.

We lapsed into silence again, exchanging occasional kisses.

“Are we going to be okay?” I asked weakly.

“Honestly? We’re both going to be dealing with a bunch of trauma, and it’s difficult to know how well we’ll recover. But we’re both alive, still married, and our family is safe. So, yeah, relatively, we’re going to be okay.”

I closed my eyes and pulled Spencer close, kissing him gently, tenderly. “Spencer Reid, I am in love with you.”

“I’m just as in love with you.” He smiled, pulling me into another kiss. “Here’s hoping I heal soon.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Why’s that?”

“I miss you, all of you,” he answered, kissing me again.

I smiled. “We should discuss boundaries again, for your sake.”

“I’m amending my mental list now.” He answered immediately. “For now, kissing?”

“Kissing is good,” I agreed.

We fell asleep wrapped around each other, smiling, feeling a semblance of normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone please tell me to do my homework I have like 20 assignments due December 1st and I'm writing this instead
> 
> Also the next chapter will definitely have some cute soft smut


	4. A Question For A Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet Lacey and reunite with Daniel.

“Our goal in profiling victims is not to figure out their motives.” I reminded the class. “Instead, we want to know whether they’re hiding something, and why. We want to understand how they’re processing what happened.”

A student raised their hand.

“Yes, David.” I called.

“What if they’re actually the unsub?” He asked. “I was studying the Mr. Scratch case, and it seems like the BAU dealt with a victim who was really the unsub. How do you balance trying to figure that out with being sympathetic?”

“Never assume a victim is the unsub. Those cases, while they do exist, are rare. Keep your guard up, but do not accuse without proof.” I answered. “Trust the profile. If the profile says that the unsub wants to be involved in the case, double-check your victims, but never make unfounded assumptions.”

He nodded in understanding.

“I’m going to assign you each a description of a victim and the crime they experienced. Write me a single page on how you would talk to them, what methods you would use. Type it or write it, I don’t care. Due next class.” I walked around, handing out the small folders randomly. “You’ll turn in your writing with this folder, which contains all the information you’ll need. Use your notes, use your textbook, and trust your gut.”

There were murmurs of assent.

“Class dismissed.” I began organizing my papers and putting them back into my bag, waiting to see if anyone approached.

David did, walking up onto the stage. “Agent, I have a question, it’s not about the assignment though.”

“Please, go ahead.” I put my papers down and looked at him. “Any questions are always welcome, you know that.”

“Well, you always talk about interrogation and profiling in a sort of vacuum. You talk about the use of private rooms, controlling the lighting, all of that. Is it ever appropriate to interrogate or profile a victim or unsub at the scene?”

I sat back against my desk, smiling. “Good question. Most often, we like to separate anyone involved in a case from the scene, to avoid other influences. However, we do use methods such as cognitive interviews to help understand what they experienced. In the case of unsubs, it is always recommended to keep them in a controlled environment such as an interrogation room. But with witnesses, it can sometimes, at your discretion and the discretion of your team leader, to allow a witness into a scene in order to see how they react to the area.”

David nodded slowly.

“You always want to make sure the scene is processed first.” I continued. “Work with your scene techs, not against them. And keep a close eye on whoever you’re talking to. If you think having them at the scene is working against you, then take them out. It almost always comes back to trusting your gut.”

He nodded again. “Agent Graham says we should always keep anyone involved out of the scene as much as possible.”

“Agent Graham has a different way of looking at scenes. He requires silence and a space in which he can concentrate on recreating the crime.” I answered. “He is not a profiler. How you treat the scene depends on what your goal is.”

“How do you reconcile that, then?”

“Communication.” I shrugged. “It’s all about communication, no matter what field you’re in. Will Graham communicates with the scene itself, the appearance of everything, the bodies. Profilers focus on the people we can talk to.”

“Thank you, Agent.” He smiled at me. “That really helped.”

“Any time, David. Questions are always welcome.” I nodded. “Have a good day.”

“You too.” He waved shyly and walked away.

I smiled and leaned back, watching him walk away. He reminded me of a younger, shyer Spencer, with a quiet mannerism, always full of questions. It was good he was taking Agent Graham’s class; they’d get along well.

I finished packing my bag and walked to the elevators, going up to the BAU’s floor and straight to Garcia’s office. She looked up and waved as I walked in, then turned back to her computers.

“How are we doing?” I asked, sitting in the closest chair.

She sighed, “They got Lacey Felix, but she’s refusing to talk. Still no leads on Frost.”

“This is the danger of a 24/7 dynamic like the one Frost wanted. Whether or not he’s there, she’s his submissive and she’s not going to talk without him.” I looked up. “Is she collared?”

Garcia nodded, pulling up an image of her on a monitor. “Plain leather, lock in front, his name printed on the inside. Refused to take it off.”

“We need someone she can sympathize with. We need another submissive.” I muttered, twirling a pen between my fingers. “Spencer should talk to her.”

“You want to send your husband in with the girlfriend of the person who kidnapped him?” She sat up, shocked. “That sounds dangerous.”

“I want to put a submissive who’s faced trauma and an abusive relationship in a room with a submissive who’s also dealt with trauma.” I corrected. “Spencer and Morgan are the most likely ones to be able to talk to her.”

“You get to propose that to him and Hotch.” She sighed. “It’s your neck.”

***

“When we touch down in Florida, you’re taking Spencer straight to the FBI office there.” Hotch instructed. “The rest of us will be going to her home first.”

We all nodded.

“We’re working on a tight clock here. He could be all the way across the country by now. Work fast.”

***

Spencer and I stood outside the interrogation room, watching Lacey. She sat, casual, one hand around the collar. We’d already discussed our interrogation strategy.

I turned to face Spencer. “Are you sure you can do this?”

“I’m sure.” He nodded. “We need to find him. If talking to her is what I have to do to find him, I will.”

I helped him take his jacket off, then reached up and undid the top two buttons of his shirt, clearly showing his collar. I wrapped one finger around it and pulled him into a kiss.

“I’m always keeping you safe, baby.” I whispered against his lips. “If you need to walk out, then do it. Keep yourself safe.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He kissed me again, then walked to the door. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He walked in, closing the door firmly behind him and sitting down. I watched nervously, knowing I couldn’t interfere, but I wanted him out of there.

“Who are you?” She asked, not even looking up at him.

“Doctor Spencer Reid.” He answered.

“Oh, I’m crazy now, huh?” She laughed. “Let me guess, it’s because of my jewelry.”

He sighed. “Look up, Lacey.”

She did, eyes trailing up him, finally landing on his collar. “Oh, very interesting.” She was smiling now. “I’m guessing you haven’t told your superiors exactly what that means.”

“They don’t need to know.” He answered, pretending to be terse about it. “We’re here to talk about you.”

“What do you want to know, slave?”

I clenched my fists. “That’s not yours to say, bitch.”

“That’s not a title I gave you permission to use.” Spencer stayed calm, his voice even. “Or did your Daddy not teach you about consent?”

That struck a nerve. She jolted towards him. “Don’t talk about my Dom.”

He leaned forward, face only a few inches away from hers. “Sit down. Answer my questions.”

She sat back. “Fine. What do you want to know?”

“When did you first meet Daniel Frost?” He kept his eyes trained on her.

She gave him the exact date immediately.

_That’s before he attacked me._

“At that time, were you aware of his relationship with (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?”

“Yes.” She raised an eyebrow. “Why does that matter?”

“Did you begin any kind of relationship during the time between his assault of Mrs. (Y/L/N) and his sentencing?”

“Missus? When did that happen?”

“Irrelevant. Please answer the question.” Spencer managed to keep his tone even.

“Yes.”

“Can you describe the nature of your relationship?”

She leaned forward again. “You’re wearing a collar. Take a guess.”

“Please answer the question.” He repeated.

“Sexual at first, it grew into a romantic relationship.” She shrugged. “Why does that matter?”

“You’re not asking the questions here, Ms. Felix.” I could see the tension in Spencer’s hand, the almost imperceptible bounce of his leg. He was getting angry at her. “Can you tell me the current location of Daniel Frost?”

“Yes.”

“Will you?”

“No.” She smiled. “That’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?”

“What I want is irrelevant in this context, Ms. Felix. I am here to ask you questions, that’s all.”

She licked her lips, looking at him as if he was her prey. “Let’s play a game, Dr. Reid. Do you like games?”

“What are you suggesting?”

“A question for a question. Complete honesty. I’ll tell you what you want, I’ll tell you where he is, but you have to answer my questions first. You’ve asked 5 questions, so you give me 5 answers. If you get more questions, so do I.” She smiled at him. “Do we have a deal?”

_Spencer, don’t. There are other ways to get what we need._

“Ask your questions.” He met her eyes. “Do your worst.”

“When did (Y/N) get married?”

He immediately gave her the exact date.

“Why does the FBI care about her and Daniel?” She asked.

“Her husband was kidnapped by Mr. Frost.”

“Oh, that little incident? I’m sure he’s fine.” She scoffed. “He doesn’t matter.”

“Ask your other questions.” He was fighting to stay calm.

She looked over him, taking in his figure. I saw her smile a little. “What’s the name of her husband?”

“Why do you care?” Spencer shot back.

“Answer the question.”

“Special Agent Reid.”

She smiled a little. “Very interesting.”

“Two more questions.” He ignored her. “Use them wisely.”

“Who’s your dominant?”

He sighed. “My wife.”

“Her _name_.” She insisted.

“Is that your last question?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Fine, I’ll save that for later.” She sighed and leaned back. “What are you going to do to Daniel?”

“He’ll be taken to court and persecuted for the kidnapping and torture of a federal agent.” Spencer answered, relaxing again. “That’s out of the hands of the FBI and into the hands of the justice system.”

“Okay then. Your turn, ask your last question.” She invited.

“What is the exact location of Daniel Frost, at this moment, to the best of your knowledge?” He phrased it carefully.

I pulled out my phone, poised to send a message to Hotch as soon as she said it. She gave an address, and I breathed a sigh of relief as the text sent. Spencer stood to leave, but she stopped him.

“One more question.” She was smiling evilly. “When were you collared?”

He answered without thinking, realizing what he’d revealed a second too late.

“Thank you, Special Agent Reid.” She relaxed back in her chair. “No further questions.”

***

The address was in Arizona, in the middle of nowhere. Hotch had sent a team by the time we’d left the FBI office. We met at the airport again, waiting for a green light from the team. Spencer and I sat in the jet, him settled between my legs, his ear pressed to my chest.

“Thank you for doing that, baby.” I said. “I’m sorry you had to do that.”

“If it’s helping you, then I’ll do it.” He said immediately.

**_Message from: Hotch  
_ ** **Lifting off in 15.**

“We’re leaving in 15 minutes to go to Arizona, but it’ll take a while. You can sleep, if you want. I’ll keep you safe.” I ran my hands through his hair. “You can relax.”

I didn’t like that he was even flying; the doctor said he shouldn’t, but he insisted. It was stressing his lungs, and as much as he tried to hide it, I knew.

“Thank you.” He murmured, cuddling against me.

***

“They got him.” Hotch looked up at me. “I just got the report. He’s being taken in for processing now, we’ll go straight to their FBI office.”

I didn’t even know how to react. I held Spencer’s sleeping body close, just happy I was with him.

***

“How do you want to do this?” Hotch asked me as we walked towards the interrogation room.

“Give me five minutes and no cameras.” I muttered. “I’ll have it out of him, he wants to brag, he wants to see me hurt. I’ll play on that.”

“(Y/N)…” Spencer sighed. “Just be safe, please.”

I didn’t answer. I was about to relive everything he did to me, the emotional wringer he put me through, _twice._ Once by myself, once with Spencer.

_I am stronger than you._

We closed the door to the observation room and Hotch turned to me. “Are you ready?”

I nodded, then turned to Spencer, pulling him into a deep kiss. He put one hand on my neck, just enough to be possessive.

“I love you.” He reminded me.

“I love you too.” I turned to the door, took a deep breath, and walked in.

I closed the door behind me as Daniel looked up, a smile breaking across his face as I sat.

“Well, hello, Agent.” His voice was like cyanide. “Good to see you again.”

“Daniel.” I didn’t meet his eyes. “It would be better if you were in an orange jumpsuit.”

“It’s really not my color, unfortunately.” He shrugged. “Good thing I got out.”

“Not for long.”

“So confident, it really is admirable. That’s what drew me to you, at first.” I hated the way he talked about me. “It’s what made me want to own you.”

“You disgust me.” I spat. “Just give me a damn confession so we can both be done here.”

“You’ll have to work for it, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart.” I held up the hand with my ring. “I escaped you.”

“You ran into the clutches of another man, how sweet.” He taunted. “Does he do to you what I never could?”

“He does better on his worst day than you ever did.” I answered, my tone cold.

Daniel tutted. “Don’t take that tone with me, not if you want what you’re asking for.”

“I could get what I wanted from you when we were together, and I can get it from you now.” I stood, hands on the desk, towering over him. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

“I already told you.” I hated the tone of voice he used. “I told you when I showed you your pretty little husband tied up. You know what I want.”

_“I will not stop until I see you on your knees, begging. You are pathetic, and you will see that.” His voice echoed in my head._

“You won’t get me on my knees.” I said. “I don’t care what you offer me.”

I left the room. Immediately, Spencer was at my side, but I shook my head.

“I’m fine. He wants to rattle me; I’m letting he think he is.” I kissed Spencer’s cheek. “Let him stew, I’m getting coffee.”

I quickly found the coffee pot and poured myself a cup, then began walking to the interrogation room. Hotch stopped me.

“Spencer is about two seconds away from going in there and trying to rip his head from his shoulders.” He warned me. “He’s respecting you as his wife and Dom, but he’s protective, you know that.”

“Keep him out of there.” I answered. “I’ve got this.”

Spencer was staring at Daniel, fists clenched. I rubbed his shoulder, relaxing against him.

“I don’t like how he’s talking to you.” Spencer was a quiet, cold angry.

I nodded. “I don’t either, but I know what he wants to hear. I dealt with him as a submissive and in the courtroom. I can do it here. I have the power.”

“Please protect yourself. I’d rather see him free than see you hurt.” Spencer kissed my head.

I walked back in, still holding my coffee, and sat down, casual as anything. I leaned back, put my feet up on the table, and took another sip, watching him.

“It’s cute that you think you’re invincible just because you’re in the FBI.” He taunted. “I can still hurt you, seeing how much you care about your husband proves that.”

“How would you know about me and Spencer?” I asked, as if I didn’t know.

“I know you found me because of Lacey.” He pretended he didn’t hear me. “She’s a good sub, not the smartest. She went to the parties all around Quantico, just hoping to find you.”

_I need to remind Amanda to vet her guests better._

“And?”

“She left the recorder in the room after she left. I watched you take care of him, kiss him as if he matters.” Daniel was the angry one now.

“I do care about him.”

“You didn’t care about me. You pushed me away like I was nothing.” He was spitting.

_Oh._

“Don’t tell me you care, bitch.” His tone was getting louder. “If you cared, you would have at least tried to let me experiment.”

_Asshole._

“If you cared about me, you’d have respected the safewords.” I answered. “You wouldn’t have made me go through the trial. You would have left my husband alone.”

“I wanted you to feel the pain I felt!”

“I didn’t drug you and torture you!” I slammed my coffee cup on the table, shattering it, but I barely noticed. “I tried to be nice about it, I did it the right way. You’re the one that forced me. You’re the reason my husband has scar tissue on his lungs and is dealing with another damn relapse. You’re the reason I had to explain to my children why their father was in the hospital and can’t pick them up to give them a hug. I followed the rules, Daniel. You don’t get to play the pain card. You couldn’t play it at the trial and you can’t play it now.”

“Kids?” He actually looked surprised.

“You made him write the note, you know we have kids, don’t play dumb with me.”

“I didn’t make him write a note.” He was… confused? “I just took him.”

“You’re lying. Stop lying to me.” My voice was shaking.

He looked me in the eyes. “I took him from the parking lot, to my old cell, and tortured him. Fine, I admit it. But I’m not stupid enough to make him write a note.”

_He’s not lying._

“Who else knew what you were doing?” I asked.

“Only Lacey.” He looked down at my hand. “You’re bleeding.”

I looked down at my hand. There were several shards of mug sticking out of it, but I couldn’t feel them. Before I could react, Hotch walked in and undid Daniel’s cuffs, pulling him out without another word. Spencer rushed in as soon as they were both out, first aid kit already in his hand.

I sat, hand shaking as I began to feel the ceramic pieces in my hand. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. Spencer was talking, but I could barely focus on the words.

_“I didn’t make him write a note.” He said. “I’m not stupid enough to make him write a note.”_

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said there would be smut I'm sorry, I couldn't resist the extra *spice*
> 
> Also if you caught the Hannibal reference thank you :) I couldn't resist


	5. Geniuses Aren't Infallible (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answers, and relaxation

“We’re going back to Florida.” I insisted. “Now.”

“You need to go to the hospital.” Spencer objected. “Lacey can wait.”

“It’s just a mug, I’m fine.”

“No, it’s not.” He pushed. “Just go to the hospital with me.”

“Spencer, I’m fine.” I said. “Let’s get the team and go to the jet.”

He grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I immediately pulled away, turning to grab his neck with one hand.

“Try that again and I will castrate you.” I growled.

“No.” He met my eyes, no hint of submission or fear in them. “I am taking you to the hospital. Don’t pull that right now.”

“You were kidnapped, Spencer, how are you not more worried about this?” I stepped back, releasing him. “Stop fussing over me!”

“I care more about your safety than anything, I will not stop until I know you’re okay.”

“Says the man whose lungs haven’t even healed?” I shot back.

“We’re not doing this again.” He sighed. “Let me take you to the hospital, please.”

***

“Before either of you go in there, you are sorting out your problems.” Hotch said as soon as we arrived back at the Florida office. He shoved Spencer and me into an empty office. “Figure it out.”

I sighed. Of course, Hotch wouldn’t let it slide.

“I shouldn’t have grabbed your neck, and I’m sorry.” I looked at the floor. “That wasn’t right or fair of me.”

“You’re right, it wasn’t.” He agreed. “But I understand why you did it.”

I didn’t know what else to say.

“I know you wouldn’t really castrate me,” he laughed a little. “You would hate that more than I would.”

I snorted. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m sorry I’m not being as careful as I should be about my lungs. It feels like I can’t let it go until it’s over.” He said, hands twisting around each other. “I hate seeing you like this, you’re so angry and upset and tense and I want to be able to honestly tell you it’s okay, that it’s over.”

“I’m only like this because I want to be able to do the same for you.” I sighed. “Jeez, we really need to work on emotional communication.”

“Just in the middle of sex, asking each other emotional questions,” he laughed. “As you’re fucking me, just ‘hey, so we should talk about what happened at work today’.”

“Yeah, let’s work on that, okay?” I asked, kissing him gently. “Because I really love you, Spencer Reid, and I don’t like when we’re like this.”

“Me neither.” He agreed.

***

“Hello, Mrs. Reid.” Lacey smiled as I walked in. “That is who you are, isn’t it?”

“My name is Special Agent (Y/N), and you will address me as such.” I ignored her tone. “My marital status has no effect of this interview.”

“On the contrary, it’s the entire reason we’re here.” She countered. “So, how long did it take you to realize Danny was just another pawn? Did you mess up your hand punching him after?”

“He turned on you extremely quickly, you know.” I relaxed as much as possible in the cold metal chair. “Immediately told us your role in the entire deal. Didn’t even think twice about it.”

“You’re lying.” She snapped.

“Am I?” I looked up, meeting her eyes for the first time. “You were the one at the play party, you know how these dynamics should work. He doesn’t care about that collar or what it should mean, he just cares about what it allowed him to make you do. What you allowed it to make you do.”

She focused on me, leaning forward, eyes narrowing like a snake. “You’re telling the truth.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Ask your questions, then, agent.” She spread her hands, a taunting invitation.

“No question for a question? No games?” I asked. “I expected more from you.”

“What can I say, I’m eclectic. And you interest me.”

Well, I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

“How did you convince Spencer that Daniel was the one torturing him?” I asked. “Clearly, you’re the mastermind here.”

“Daniel did torture him. And he loved it. He loves hearing people scream; did you know that?” She was casually inspecting her nails. “I snatched Spencer, sure. There was too much of a risk of Danny being recognized.”

“Why the note?”

“I knew it would hurt him.” She smiled. “Daniel’s in this to torture you, but I just enjoy pain wherever it comes from. Your pretty little boy toy was sobbing over the phone as he wrote that letter, and I laughed at him.”

“He never mentioned a female voice.”

“Oh, honey, the FBI has to know that people can disguise their voices easily.” She tutted. “I wasn’t going to risk it. I distorted my voice, gave him enough personal information to show him the threat was real, and told him what to write.”

“Why didn’t you tell Daniel about the kids?”

“Oh, you got that far in the conversation, hm?” She was still too casual. “Daniel’s still got a soft spot for you. Oh, he tries to hide it, he thinks it’s hate. He’s wrong. It’s an all-consuming passion. Love and hate aren’t that different, after all. The kids would make him weak.”

I chose to ignore that. She was trying to get a rise out of me, I knew that. “How did you hide the fact that Spencer wrote a note?”

“I drugged him in the van on the way to the prison. He could barely talk by the time Daniel got to him.” She smiled. “He’s cute when he’s so compliant.”

My jaw clenched with anger. “Why are you so open about this now?”

“It’s going to make it worse, knowing that you missed such a big part of the case. Spencie,” she waved at the glass, “is going to wrack his brain for _ages_ trying to figure out how he missed me. He’ll never trust himself again.”

“You disgust me.” I spat. “You’ll rot in prison.”

I walked out.

***

We flew back to Quantico in silence. None of the usual banter, no debriefing or discussion, nothing. I pretended to sleep, but instead kept replaying the conversations in my mind, trying to unravel the case. It just didn’t make sense, and I hated that we technically had all the answers, but it still felt wrong.

**_Message to: Deanna  
_ ** **Check in w/Spence for me?**

**_Message from: Deanna  
_ ** **Will do. Is something wrong?**

**_Message to: Deanna  
_** **Post-kidnapping-case confusion.**  
He might need a non-FBI person to talk to.  
Thanks <3

I pulled my sweater closer around me and closed my eyes, trying to relax.

***

We got home late that night. Garcia had taken the kids from Jenna and put them to sleep, and now sat in our living room, tea in hand, waiting. Spencer and I entered quietly, and he walked straight to our bedroom after dropping his bag. I sighed and thanked Penelope for taking care of the kids.

“Give Reid an extra hug for me, he looks like he needs it.” She told me as she walked out. “See you on Monday.”

I waved and locked the door behind her, taking a second to myself before walking back to the bedroom. Spencer was there, already in bed, sitting up against the headboard, staring at the ceiling. I quickly undressed and grabbed one of his shirts, pulling it on and getting in next to him.

“She wants me to be like this.” He barely moved. “And she’s right, I’m paralyzed. I missed her.”

“We were focused on Frost, Spence, you can’t blame yourself. She drugged you out of your mind.”

“At least when Tobias drugged me, I tried to reject it, tried to stay aware of what was happening.” He countered. “I couldn’t even do that.”

“You can’t blame yourself. They threatened me and the kids, I’d have done the same thing.” I reached to touch his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Don’t blame yourself for what happened, Spence, please.”

“Can we just cuddle for tonight?” He finally looked at me, tears welling up in his eyes. “Please?”

It hurt my heart to see him so hurt. I nodded, “Come here, baby.”

He slid down the pillows and curled up in the fetal position, breath shaking. I wrapped around him, running my hands through his hair as I hummed softly to comfort him. He didn’t push back into me as normal, instead just going limp against me, slowly falling asleep. He was asleep for almost an hour before I finally felt comfortable enough to let myself sleep.

***

I woke up before the sun rose. I knew I hadn’t gotten enough sleep, but I needed to take care of Spencer. I slowly got out of bed, walking to the kitchen and beginning to make coffee. I heard some murmurs from the nursery and left the coffee to brew, padding quietly to the kids’ room. Maeve and Tobias were awake, talking quietly and playing with a puzzle.

“Morning, you two,” I said as I walked in, smiling.

Their faces lit up immediately, and they ran over to me.

“Mama, you’re home!” Maeve reached up for a hug. “When did you get back?”

I smiled and hugged her and Tobias. “Late last night, after Aunt Penelope had already put you two to sleep.”

“Do you have to go again today?” Tobias asked.

I shook my head, “Nope, we’re home until Monday, baby. Speaking of that, do you want to go wake up your dad?”

They both nodded eagerly, and I smiled, helping them ‘sneak’ into our bedroom and right next to Spencer’s sleeping form. As soon as I nodded, they scrambled up onto the bed, jumping on it, yelling for Spencer to wake up. He immediately shot up, looking panicked for a second before breaking out in a big smile, pulling them both into big hugs.

“Let me get dressed, we’ll have breakfast together in a minute, okay?” He smiled and helped them back onto the floor. “Give mom and dad a minute.”

They nodded and walked out. I leaned down to kiss Spencer.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” He smiled and pulled me into a deep kiss.

“How did you sleep?” I asked against his lips.

He shrugged, “Better than I thought I would.”

“Sometimes, that’s all we can hope for.”

***

“Spence?” I asked as we laid on the couch, my head on his chest. “You know you can’t blame yourself for not solving the case alone, right?”

“In theory? Yes. In practice? I’m going to beat myself up for a long time for not figuring out there was a partner.” He said, hand resting on my back. “I’m a genius.”

“Geniuses aren’t infallible.” I countered.

He didn’t answer.

“I love you, Spencer Reid,” I looked up and kissed him. “Can you do something for me?”

He nodded, “Of course.”

“Tell me if you need something. Anything. Just don’t stop being honest with me.” I met his eyes. “Please?”

He pulled me into a kiss, “Anything for you.”

***

“I need to be yours,” Spencer whispered, arms wrapped around my waist as we got ready to go to bed. “Let me forget.”

I hummed and nodded, looking at him in the mirror. “Go strip and kneel, I’ll be there in a minute.”

He immediately obeyed. I finished brushing my hair and took a deep breath before turning and walking back to the bedroom, placing a towel on the bedside table. Spencer was kneeling at the foot of the bed, knees spread, hands palm-up on his thighs. His eyes were closed, his head bent in relaxed submission.

I knelt in front of him, putting one finger under his chin to make him look up at me. “Tell me what you need tonight.”

“I… I can’t be Spencer Reid right now.” He was stumbling over his words.

I nodded and kissed him, “That’s okay, baby, just breathe, relax.”

He closed his eyes again, breathing slowly. I adjusted his position, so his legs were more spread, then stood, walking to our toy drawer and taking out a leather collar with an O-ring in the front, one we reserved for intense scenes. I wrapped it around his neck and tightened the collar, so it was comfortable, but not overly restricting.

“What’s your safeword, baby?” I checked.

“Red or kiwi.” His voice was soft, a little distant. “Yellow to check in.”

“Good.” I kissed his forehead.

He smiled a little. Keeping an eye on him, I stood and walked to the bathroom, going through our bathroom cabinets until I found the set of massage oils. I picked one; Spencer’s favorite, apple and mint. I walked back and sat on the edge of the bed, opening the bottle and pouring some oil onto my hands before beginning to massage his shoulders, pushing my fingers into the knots. I heard him sigh and could almost _see_ the tension release from his muscles. Once I was satisfied that his shoulders were relaxed, I worked my way down his arms, careful to avoid the sensitive patches of scars.

“Get on the bed, facedown,” I requested.

He stood and obeyed, walking quietly to the bed, settling down comfortably.

“Color, baby?” I asked, crouching to check on him.

He smiled, “Green, Mistress.”

I nodded and moved to straddle his hips, working down the tense muscles of his back. My hands began to hurt by the time I reached his lower back, but I knew it was what he needed, and the repetitive movement of the massage helped me relax. I worked my way around his hips and thigh muscles, hearing his small gasps as my fingers brushed over the more sensitive spots.

“Spence, color?” I asked again.

He turned to smile at me. “Green, your hands feel nice, Ma’am.”

I moved off him and sat against the headboard, guiding Spencer to sit between my legs. I began slowly massaging his neck and shoulders, avoiding the bandages, slowly moving down his chest. His head was resting on my shoulder, eyes closed, lips parted. I moved my hands lower, moving over his waist, tracing the ‘V’ of his hipbones.

“Ma’am,” Spencer whispered, “I want you.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek, “Be specific, baby.”

He buried his face in my neck, blushing. “I want you to make me cum.”

It was cute how embarrassed he was; we’d been together for years, but when he was submissive like this, he still became embarrassed. I moved one hand up to tug on the O-ring of the collar.

“You’re going to watch while I pleasure you,” I whispered.

He nodded, immediately shifting to be able to see my hand more easily. As soon as he did, I reached down, stroking him a few times gently. He whimpered and twitched as I rubbed the tip of his cock with my thumb.

“Please, stop teasing me,” Spencer whined. “Please, Mistress.”

I complied, stroking him, twisting my wrist a little, knowing exactly how to make him feel good. He knew better than to push into my hand at all, and he was so relaxed that he barely could. I knew he wasn’t going to last long, but I didn’t care. Spencer was whimpering louder, struggling to keep his eyes open, but the weight of my hand on his collar kept him focused.

“Mistress,” he gasped, “Fuck, please, you’re making me feel so good.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“Please, please, move faster, I want to cum.” Spencer was breathing heavily. “I want you to make me cum.”

I did, speeding up, making him moan. My hand tightened on his collar, forcing him to watch.

“Mistress, please, please, please, let me cum.” His words were half-spoken, half-moaned.

“You can cum when you want, baby, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop.” I murmured, biting his neck.

“Fuck, Ma’am, I-” He moaned and twitched up into my hand, spurting over his chest and my hand. I barely slowed down, making him whine. “Mistress!”

“I told you, cumming doesn’t mean I’ll stop.” I smiled. “You know what to say if you want me to stop. But, you see, the thing is, my little princess, I know you love it. I know you love when I’m in control, when you can’t even control your reactions to what I’m doing. You’re already half-hard already, little slut.”

He whined, eyes fluttering shut for a second in arousal before he remembered he was supposed to be watching.

“Mistress, I’m so sensitive,” he said between heavy breaths. “I- fuck.”

“Color?” I checked.

“Green- ah- fuck, Mistress,” his chest was heaving.

“You’re doing so well for me, sweetheart,” I praised. “Taking it so well.”

If I thought he was sensitive before, it was nothing compared to now; Spencer was overwhelmed with pleasure, hands wrapped around my thighs, nails digging in. I didn’t mind, just sped up.

“Mistress!” Spencer was trying to stay quiet, and I thanked my forethought that the kids had two white noise machines in their room. “Oh, fuck, Ma’am.”

“You just have to cum one more time for me, little one, you’re doing so well,” I praised. “Just cum again for me.”

“I’m close, Mistress.”

I took my hand off the collar and reached up to choke him, smiling as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

“Whenever you want, baby.” I reminded him. “Whenever you’re ready.”

He gasped and nodded. “I- fuck- so close!”

I sped up, tightening my hand around his throat. Within half a minute, he was gasping and moaning in pleasure as he came again, weakly spurting on my hand. I slowed down, letting him come down from his orgasm slowly.

“What’s your name?” I whispered.

“I- hm?” Spencer looked up at me.

I shook my head and smiled, “Nothing, baby. You did so good for me.”

He blushed and smiled. I managed to reach over and grab the towel, wiping off my hand and Spencer’s chest. Once we were both cleaned off, I tossed it towards the laundry hamper and helped Spencer settle onto my chest. He smiled as I rubbed his shoulders, praising him quietly.

“My good little baby,” I whispered. “You did so well for me, I’m so proud of you.”

“Yours.” He murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut next chapter :)  
> Hope this answers some questions


	6. Review

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Spencer deal with some aftermath from the case and make plans to help you recover.

“Morning,” Spencer whispered against my chest as we slowly woke up.

“Morning, princess.” I kissed his head. “Is it okay that I called you that?”

He looked up at me, blushing. “Yeah, I like it.”

I pulled him up, so his face was level with mine. He was on top of me as we kissed, his body pressing against mine. His hands moved down my chest and hips.

“If this whole FBI thing doesn’t work out, you could be a masseuse,” he teased.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll post my massages on PornHub.”

“Or just keep them for the two of us,” he shrugged, “I love watching videos of us.”

I smiled and pulled him into another kiss, body arching up against his.

“Did last night help?” I asked, pulling back a little.

Spencer nodded eagerly. “Yeah, it was exactly what I needed. Thank you.”

“Anytime, my wonderful husband.” It still felt amazing to call him that. “Just say the word.”

He leaned close to my ear, voice still a little scratchy. “Mistress.”

I pulled him into another, deeper kiss. “Exactly.”

Apparently, the kids had decided to sleep in, because we were able to spend a while kissing and cuddling, just wanting to be with each other.

“(Y/N)?” Spencer asked as we laid there, one of my arms over his chest. “There’s something we should talk about.”

My chest clenched in fear for a second, but I assured myself that it was okay. I looked up at him, “What?”

“It’s… about my dom space.” Spencer took a shaky breath. “I don’t know if I can be dominant for a while. It’s just so much pressure, and I don’t think I can do that right now.”

“Okay, I understand. That’s okay.” I moved up to kiss him.

He looked at me, still looking a little scared. “Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I’m sure, Spence. If you can’t be dominant, then I won’t ask you to do that.”

“Thank you.”

***

“Hey, Spence?” I called from the bathroom. “Hotch wants us to come in early today.”

“Why, is something wrong?”

“He just wants to go over the case. Apparently, there’s pressure from the higher-ups… There might be an investigation.” I sighed.

“Okay, we can drop the kids off early.” He agreed.

***

“I just want to remind you; this isn’t anything formal or official.” Hotch said as we sat in his office. “I just want to make sure we have the details of the case clear, as well as what the team’s stance is on your past.” He glanced at me.

I sighed and nodded.

“Here are the facts of the case.” Hotch opened the folder in front of him. “At approximately 8:03 AM, Agent Reid was kidnapped from the parking lot of Quantico by who we presumed to be Daniel Frost. At around 8:05, Agent (Y/L/N) found the note left on her desk and rushed up to the BAU.”

We both nodded.

“By 3:17 PM, Penelope Garcia had tracked Agent Reid’s phone and we had a team onsite where the tracker led to. A video was shown with several images of both agents in sexual positions. Agent Reid’s location was then revealed.”

I shook at the memory of him tied up, eyes dull, barely able to move.

“Agent Reid was rescued from Daniel Frost’s former prison at 5:31 PM and taken to the hospital. Daniel Frost was not there.” Hotch continued. “We considered the possibility of a female companion, but did not find anything until the next Monday, when Garcia found a connection to Lacey Felix. She was arrested late Tuesday night, and we flew out to question her Wednesday morning. Agent Reid questioned her and managed to extract information on the location of Daniel Frost. We flew to Frost’s location and questioned him, then received the information that Lacey Felix was involved in the case. The team flew back to Florida, where Lacey was being held, and managed to get confirmation of this fact.”

It felt almost silly to be reviewing this, but I knew it was necessary in case of an investigation.

“Is there anything I missed?” Aaron looked up at us both.

I shook my head. “In terms of the facts of the case, that’s all.”

Spencer agreed.

Hotch closed the folder. “Now, off the record, how are the two of you doing?”

Spencer looked at me. _How do we answer that?_

“This is off the record,” he repeated. “What ever you want to, or don’t want to disclose is welcome.”

I nodded. “We’re working to manage the new facts of the case and the psychological effects in order to maintain a healthy relationship. There are some parts of our relationship that we’ve chosen to put on hold, but we’re doing fine.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Hotch nodded. “If either of you ever need something, you know I’m available.”

Spencer smiled and nodded. “Thank you.”

***

“I know all of you have heard, part of the training here are the simulations of different situations you may face in the field. This may involve speaking to unsubs or victims in a variety of scenarios. They vary every time, don’t try to cheat and figure out what they are; we want to see you think on your feet and work with your peers.” I pulled up pictures from some scenarios of the year before. “These don’t always look realistic, as you can see, but ignore that and focus on what the challenge is.”

David raised his hand. “Are we allowed to practice?”

“Always!” I nodded. “I’m actually happy to provide the scenarios we used last year if you’d like to think about what you’d do in those situations. You can ask myself or your other teachers what they’re looking for, but it’s mainly just what we cover in class. Just take a breath and trust what we’ve taught. We will have another class between now and the simulations, you’ll be able to ask questions before then.”

I knew the simulations were exciting; I’d heard discussions about them in the halls. Getting to question your teachers, treating them as unsubs or seeing them as ‘helpless’ victims was fun, and the agents participating appreciated that.

“Now, let’s get into today’s lesson.” I clicked forward in the presentation. “Let’s talk about dealing with unsubs when they’re in the middle of a sexual action.”

There were several groans.

“Listen, you never know when you’re going to walk in on an unsub masturbating.” I looked out into the theatre, holding back laughter. “I certainly didn’t. The much more common variant of this is encountering unsubs mis-assault, but never discount anything as a possibility.”

A student raised their hand. “Did that actually happen?”

I sighed and nodded. “Yes, yes it did. Brian Owen, unsub in an annual family annihilator case. We found his home address and I was unfortunate enough to be the first one into his bedroom.”

There was quiet laughter.

“Now, let’s get on to the actual lesson, please.” I sighed, still holding back my smile.

***

Spencer curled around me that night, saying he wanted to protect me. It was something he did sometimes; I secretly loved how his body completely wrapped around mine, one hand wrapped around both of mine, the other resting on my hip. It was the only time he didn’t move at night. I always woke up to find his hands in the exact same place.

“Hey, Spence?” I asked as we settled into bed.

“Hmm?” He asked, lips pressed against my neck. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just…” I bit my lip. “I kind of want to submit.”

“(Y/N), I-”

“I know, you said you didn’t want to, and I respect that.” I quickly said. “I just want to know if it’s okay with you if… If I go to someone else.”

He was silent for a few seconds. I bit my lip, almost breaking skin, I was so nervous for his answer.

“I don’t want to not be able to provide for you.” Spencer sounded ready to cry. “I want you to be comfortable, I know why you want to submit, but…”

“Spence, if you don’t want me to do it, I won’t.” I turned to assure him. “That’s why I asked.”

“When- if or when I can be dominant again, would you want to do that?” He choked out.

I looked up at him, feeling awful, and kissed him. “Spencer Reid, you’re always my first choice for partner, in every way. I want to be your submissive and your dominant and your wife. When you’re ready for that, I will be your submissive,” I promised. “I just need a bit of time to come down from the stress of the case and let go of control. But I will always come back to you.”

He pulled me closer and kissed me. “Promise?”

“I promise.” I kissed him again. “You can choose who acts as my dominant, if that makes you more comfortable.”

He thought for a second. “I- I’d like that. I think that would help.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” I pulled him close to me. “I love you so much, Spencer Reid.”

“I love you too.”

***

“Do you remember what the rule about BDSM scene paces is?” I asked Spencer as we sat together at the table.

“Go at whoever’s pace is slowest.” He answered immediately.

I nodded, “Exactly. So, if that means this takes a while, then it takes a while. If that means you’re in the room because that’s what makes you comfortable, then we do that. This relationship doesn’t work unless we communicate and respect each other’s boundaries, so that’s what we’re going to do.”

“I want to put the collar on.” He said in a rush. “I don’t like the idea of someone else putting a collar on you.”

“Okay, we’ll put that down.” I nodded. “What else?”

“No kissing you when you’re submissive, I- I don’t know why, I can’t really explain that one.” He looked down. “I’m sorry, that’s… I know we said kissing was okay in some scenes, but-”

“Spence.” I stopped him. “We’re setting these boundaries _together_. I’m okay with that limit, I don’t need that for my subspace.”

He nodded. “And, I know I’ve said this before, but no hickies or bite marks.”

I agreed, continuing to take notes.

“No consensual non-consent.” He continued, looking down at the list. “And obviously, we need to draw up a specific contract, and I want to be there.”

“Of course.” I looked up at him. “And you can safe word any time, just like either of us.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Now, we should talk about the potential candidates for acting as my dominant.” I bit my lip. “Penelope did express interest in being a domme.”

Spencer looked a little surprised. “Oh?”

I shrugged, “The scene where the two of us were domming you, she made some comment about domming me being a fantasy for another time.”

“Okay, so Garcia is a possibility, I’m okay with that. Hotch?”

I shrugged, “Maybe, but I don’t know if he’d want to change his dynamic with me.”

Spencer nodded. “Emily?”

“I would not complain,” I smiled. “She’s just hot. The only other person I can think of is Jenna.”

Spencer seemed a little apprehensive. “I don’t know why, but… I don’t like the idea of you sexually submitting to her.”

“Okay, so it’s between Penelope, Hotch, and Emily.” I pulled out my alternative phone and handed it to Spencer. “You write it. I want you to be comfortable with what I say.”

**_Message to: Bossman  
_ ** **I want to submit, to relax from the case, but Spence can’t dom rn.  
Spence and I are trying to figure out who’d dom instead.  
Would you be comfortable with that?**

**_Message to: Em  
_ ** **I want to submit, to relax from the case, but Spence can’t dom rn.  
Spence and I are trying to figure out who’d dom instead.  
Would you be comfortable with that?**

**_Message to: Pen  
_ ** **I want to submit, to relax from the case, but Spence can’t dom rn.  
Spence and I are trying to figure out who’d dom instead.  
Would you be comfortable with that?**

It was perfect; not blaming Spencer, giving the entire choice to them. I put my phone down and kissed Spencer.

“Let’s put this away, we need to go and get the kids soon.” I pulled all the papers together and put them in a folder. “We can write up a contract once we figure out who we’re doing it with, yeah?”

“Sure.” Spencer nodded.

***

**_Message from: Bossman  
_ ** **I’m not sure.  
Am I your only choice?**

**_Message to: Bossman  
_ ** **No. That’s why I asked.  
It’s up to you.   
If you don’t want to, that’s that.**

***

**_Message from: Em  
_ ** **Limits?  
Any ideas on specifics?**

**_Message to: Em  
_ ** **One attachment.**

***

**_Message from: Pen  
_ ** **Depends.  
You know I don’t have a lot of experience.**

**_Message to: Pen  
_ ** **That’s okay.  
It’s always whoever’s pace is slowest.  
Are you interested?**

**_Message from: Pen  
_** **With you two?**  
Always.

***

“Are you sure about this?” Spencer asked me.

I nodded. “Spence, we’ve been planning this for two weeks at this point, I’m sure.”

“I just want to make sure.” He blushed a little. “Even if I’m not your dom, I want to keep you safe.”

I pulled him into a deep kiss. “I’m sure.”

“Then kneel.”

I got on my knees, slowly settling into position, adjusting myself until I was comfortable. Once I stilled, Spencer knelt in front of me, taking out the collar we’d agreed upon for this scene; a plain, narrow leather collar with an O-ring. Not elaborate, but it served its purpose. He buckled it around my neck, kissed me again, and stood.

“Stay there until she comes in.” He reminded me.

I nodded, bowing my head, focusing on my breathing. “I love you, Spence.”

“I love you too.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

_Spencer Reid is protecting me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wonder if the people reading this know me in real life  
> It's unlikely but not impossible  
> Anyways if you know me irl please tell me so I know never to make eye contact with you ever again


	7. Her Majesty (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whooo deep reader subspace

I could hear the soft voices echoing down the hall. I forced myself not to try to hear what they were saying.

_I am submitting._

_I am safe in my submission._

I heard footsteps approaching, but I didn’t look up. I heard the door enter, felt the soft light on my eyelids, but still stayed as I was, eyes closed, head bent. I heard footsteps – Spencer’s – walking to the side, taking a seat in a chair in the corner. The other footsteps, heels clicking, approached me, stopping inches away from me. I could hear her breath.

“Color?” She asked.

“Green,” I breathed.

“Look at me.”

I wouldn’t dare disobey. I opened my eyes and tiled my head to look up at her. I drank in the sight of her, especially from this angle.

Emily was wearing a lace bodysuit and short skirt. From where I was, I could see the strap barely hidden under it. The outfit was completed with fishnets and knee-high boots. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She held a riding crop loosely in one hand. It felt like I’d been transported to a dominatrix photoshoot.

“Hello, pet.” She smiled down at me.

I choked on my words for a second. “Uh- hi, hello, my Queen.”

Her eyes met mine, then swept down my body. I had to force myself not to curl away and try to hide. I felt raw, exposed.

_I am safe._

“On your feet. Hands behind your back.” Emily stepped back, giving me room to stand.

I stood, hands behind my back, shoulders down, feet shoulder width apart. She gave a small nod of approval before walking around me, riding crop trailing up and down my body, making me twitch. She ran it up one thigh, barely brushing under my ass, down my other thigh. It left my skin for a second, then as Emily moved, she ran it across my shoulders and breasts, looping around one, moving up my chest and throat, coming to rest under my chin. I barely dared breathe as she looked at me.

She moved the crop away from my face. “I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen tonight.”

She’s been given the list of my limits and very little guidance besides that. I trusted her to help me and understand what I needed. I truly had no idea what she was going to say, or even if it was the truth.

“I’m going to whip you until your ass turns red, and then I’m going to do the same to the inside of your thighs.” Her smile was almost cruel. “That way, when you want to squeeze those pretty legs together with arousal, you’ll think about this.”

_Fuck, that’s hot._

“And then I’m going to fuck you until you’re aching and screaming for me.” Emily looked at me. “How does that sound?”

Did I forget how to speak? Maybe.

“When I ask you a question, you will respond to me.” She snapped.

Before I could apologize, or even react at all, the riding crop was striking my cheek, _hard._ I gasped at the strike and the sting, resisting the urge to touch my cheek with one hand.

“I’m sorry, my Queen.” I managed. “That sounds perfect, my Queen.”

Her eyes softened for a second at my reaction. “Color?”

“Green.” I assured her, resuming my position.

She looked over at Spencer, but I knew better than to follow her eyes. I kept my eyes ahead, waiting for her to turn back.

“Bend over the bed, legs spread at far as you can.” She didn’t even bother looking at me. “Hands together above your head.”

I immediately turned and bent over the bed, legs spreading until it was just barely a stretch, and placed my hands above me. I arched my back a little, showing off my ass. As soon as I did that, the crop hit my ass.

“I didn’t tell you to be a little tease.” Emily snapped.

“I’m sorry, my Queen, it won’t happen again.” I whined, curling back into the bed.

“No, it won’t.”

I had no idea when the next strike would come. I could hear her swinging the crop through the air and fought the urge to tense.

“You don’t have to count, but I do want you to moan.” Emily told me. “As soon as you want to, let me hear it.”

I nodded, though it was difficult. “Yes, my Queen.”

As soon as I said that, she struck me again. I pushed into the mattress, unconsciously trying to escape, but I couldn’t. She didn’t stop, barely gave me time to breathe between strikes. She varied the position and intensity of her strikes, but they didn’t stop coming. I wished I could see her; I was sure she looked beautiful like that, raining blow after blow on me, arms tense with power, but I buried my face into the sheets, gasping. When she stopped, I could feel my pulse in my ass like a dark bruise. I knew any contact would sting, but I didn’t care.

“Turn over, get on your back.” Emily ordered, seemingly unaffected by the intense whipping.

I did, careful to keep my ass off the bed. Emily still looked as put-together as she did when she first walked in. I glanced over at Spencer, who was leaned back in the chair, one hand wrapped around his dick. His pants weren’t even pushed down.

“Color, little whore?” Emily asked.

“Green, just give me a second to breathe.” I laughed a little.

She nodded, stepping away. I couldn’t really relax, since I wanted to avoid any contact against my butt for as long as possible, but I slowed my breathing, mentally checking in with myself. I wasn’t quite in the subspace I wanted yet; I was still too grounded, but I trusted Emily.

“Hold your legs up and apart.” Emily ordered, stepping forward and back into the scene.

I did, wrapping my arms around my ankles to be a little more comfortable. As soon as I stilled, she tied my forearms to my calves, keeping my in that position. She worked with the rope fast, so fast even I was impressed. Now, even if I relaxed, I was stuck in that position. I was exposed like this, thighs spread, dripping pussy on display. As if reading my mind, Emily walked back around the bed and trailed her riding crop between my legs, making me gasp as she pressed down on my clit, just for a second.

“What’s your safeword?”

“Red or kiwi to stop, yellow to change,” I recited. I could practically answer that in my sleep, but I knew it was important for her to check.

“Good.” She nodded. “We’re going to take these slower, okay?”

I started nodding, then remembered she needed verbal confirmation. “Yes, my Queen.”

Emily nodded and brought the crop back before striking me, not nearly as hard as before, on my upper thigh. It felt different, thrilling, to have the crop that close to where I wanted her. Seeing my pleasure, she continued, alternating strikes between my thighs, varying position and intensity.

My thighs marked faster than my ass and became sensitive more quickly. It wasn’t long before I was whining with every touch, hips jolting into the air, thrusting into nothing. I could hear how much Spencer was enjoying the scene; he was breathing shallowly, panting with every stroke of the whip. Emily was still as calm and poised as ever, staring at me as if I was the most delicious meal she’d ever seen. It was humiliating and thrilling.

“Look at your legs, little slut, look at how you’re all red and bruised.” She encouraged. “Think about how those marks are going to feel when you’re trying to just walk, and all you can remember is this moment.”

I craned my neck to see. She was right. My legs were red, darkest closest to my crotch. I assumed my ass, by the way it was still throbbing, looked the same.

“My Queen,” I whispered. “Please let me suck you off.”

I couldn’t explain why, but in that moment, I needed to be on my knees for her.

Emily’s eyes darkened. She moved forward, quickly untying me, letting me take a moment to stretch out. Once I felt more comfortable, I shifted off the bed and dropped onto my knees, gasping and moaning as my ass hit my heels. I didn’t have much time to recover, though, as Emily had dropped her skirt and was gripping my hair.

“Suck.”

I dropped my jaw and stuck my tongue out, circling the tip of the strap before beginning to suck, taking her so far back I could feel tears spring up in my eyes, but it still wasn’t completely in my throat. Apparently, Emily decided that wasn’t enough, because she pushed me all the way down, keeping my nose pressed to her torso for a few seconds before pulling me off, then starting to fuck my throat. I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing, but it only did so much; she was harshly fucking my throat, giving me no time to recover.

“Such a good little whore,” Emily muttered. “Dirty cock sleeve.”

I couldn’t even breathe consistently. I just had to relax, ignoring the pain in my legs as she fucked me, pushing me back onto my heels. I could feel myself slipping into subspace, relaxing, letting Emily fully take control. I let her hold me up by my hair and use me until I was drooling and limp.

When she was satisfied, she pushed me back against the bed. I closed my eyes, breathing shallowly, trying to recover, but she gave me almost no time. She didn’t even expect me to be able to move; she just picked me up and threw me onto the bed, face down, ass sticking up in the air.

“Color?”

I took a few deep breaths, “Green.”

I felt her weight on the bed, her hands wrapping around my hips. I moaned and pushed back against her, begging without words.

“You’re dripping for me, pet,” she hummed. “I don’t even need to prep you.”

“Please, just fuck me,” I could barely think through my haze of arousal. “Please, my Queen.”

I felt her line up quickly and slam into me, hips contacting my bruised ass. I almost screamed with pain-pleasure into the sheets.

Emily pulled my hair up, “I want to hear every noise you make.”

With one hand on my hip and the other tangled in my hair, she fucked me, fast and hard. I couldn’t manage any words, just moans of pleasure, half-screams as her skin hit mine, over and over. She moved the hand on my hip to my clit and I almost immediately came, going limp, her hand in my hair the only thing holding me up. I don’t know whether my clit was numb or just constantly in pleasure so much I couldn’t feel anything but that.

Emily slowed down a little, letting me sag forward, face buried in the pillow I’d pulled in front of me at some point. After only a few seconds of relief, she grabbed me and pulled me up, so my back was to her chest, my head leaning back onto her. Her hand moved from my shoulder to my neck, holding me there.

“Color?” She was panting. “You’re doing so well, little slut.”

It took me a second to even comprehend what she was asking. When I remembered, I moved, head limp, to face her. “Green.”

She nodded and maneuvered me, so I was on my back, legs spread. She was kneeling between my thighs, one arm on each side of my chest. She was smiling, still breathing heavily.

“I want you to watch me fuck you, keep your eyes on my strap.”

I nodded. “Yes, my Queen.”

With that, she pushed back into me, hands now on my thighs, fingers curling into the marks she’d made earlier. The pain from that bled into the pleasure of her inside me, angling her hips to pleasure me.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty, little slut,” Emily smiled at me. “Such a pretty little toy.”

I was barely able to focus on what she was saying. All I could feel was the aching in my legs and the floating pleasure of my subspace.

“Tell me how good I’m making you feel.” She ordered.

“So good, my Queen, you’re making me feel so good,” I moaned, “I- fuck, it’s so much, it feels so good, you feel amazing inside of me Your Majesty.”

She wrapped her hand around my neck, thrusting a few more times deep inside me as her other hand brought me to one final orgasm. I knew my muscles were twitching, I knew I was shaking, but I couldn’t control myself. I was floating, eyes half-closed.

“Hey, I need confirmation you’re okay,” Emily’s voice drifted over me.

“I’m good,” I slurred, “Really good.”

I could hear voices, feel hands on me, but it felt like I was far away. I was pretty sure I was giddy, smiling with pleasure, but I wasn’t entirely sure.

“I’m going to pick you up, hold onto me, okay?” Spencer’s voice? Emily’s?

I managed a small nod and felt hands beneath my knees and shoulders. I wrapped my arms around their neck, though I knew I wasn’t doing much to help.

“I’m going to put you in a bath slowly, tell me if it’s okay.” Was that Emily?

I felt myself being lowered into something; it must have been the bath, but it felt like clouds that smelled of lavender, hazelnut, and vanilla. Spencer’s soap, maybe. I had the vague sensation of tingling or stinging in my legs, but even that was faint.

“She’s completely in subspace,” that was Spencer, I think.

The laugh that followed was definitely Emily’s. “That’s what she wanted, right?”

He must have nodded, because I didn’t hear a response. I felt someone get in the tub behind me, letting me settle against them, keeping my ass off the hard porcelain. My eyes were closed, I couldn’t find the strength to open them. I think they washed me off, because some time later I was lifted out and wrapped in something warm and fuzzy, slowly moved over my body. It felt strange being so separate from everything that was happening, but a good strange.

I was being carried again, put down on the bed, I think. Someone helped me sit up and put on something to cover me (what, I couldn’t tell). There were weights on the bed on either side of me; Spencer and Emily, I guess.

“How was that, my love?” That voice was Spencer’s, low and close to my ear.

I hummed and smiled, “Good, I liked that, thank you.”

***

Sometime during the night, I woke up, my head much clearer than when I’d fallen asleep. I looked around, felt Spencer curled around me on one side, Emily sleeping separate from us, almost a foot away.

“Em,” I muttered, touching her arm. “C’mon, cuddle with us.”

She must’ve been sleeping softly because her eyes shot open. She looked around, almost panicked for a second, then smiled when she saw me.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I nodded, “Cuddle with us, you look lonely.”

She looked ready to object, but didn’t, instead shifting so I could hold her close.

“I know this was for me, but you don’t have to forsake your comfort.” I would’ve been more tactful, but I was too tired to really think about what I was saying. “This is supposed to be good for you too.”

“I know, (Y/N), it’s old habits.” She assured me. “But, thank you.”

I nodded and smiled, quickly falling asleep again.

***

Emily woke me up gently, rubbing aloe vera into my thighs and ass, careful to not be too harsh. I blinked a few times and looked over my shoulder too see her in a large t-shirt, smiling.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” She teased. “How was your night?”

“I was a fucking rock, that felt amazing.” I slowly stretched. “Pretty sure I won’t be able to sit at all today, though.”

“Sorry, not sorry,” she smirked.

Spencer walked in with two cups of coffee, smiling when he saw I was awake. He climbed onto the bed, laying on his side to kiss me.

“Good morning, Spence,” I hummed. “You’re in a good mood.”

“I helped take care of my Mistress,” he blushed a little.

“Cutie.”

“Give her my coffee, I’ll get my own.” Emily said to Spencer, walking out and closing the door behind you.

Immediately, Spencer pulled me into a deep kiss, one hand resting on the back of my neck.

“Last night was exactly what I needed, thank you.” I rested my head against his. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure, it clearly helped you.” He answered immediately. “You were deep in subspace, I was honestly surprised.”

“I think I needed it more than I realized.” I agreed. “But still… thank you for agreeing to do that for me.”

“Of course, my perfect wife.” He pulled me into another kiss. “My wife.”

“My husband,” I couldn’t help but smile at that. “My handsome, amazing, wonderful, nerdy husband.”

“That’s me!”

We both laughed.

“Here’s your coffee,” he gestured to the coffee on the nightstand. “I’ll help you stand up when you’re ready.”

Thinking he was exaggerating, I turned over onto my ass and pulled myself to the edge of the bed in some swift move.

Bad idea.

I fell onto my side, a string of curses falling from my lips. I’d somehow managed to forget exactly how brutally Emily had whipped me, but that was a swift reminder.

“Like I said, when you’re ready, I’ll help you up.” Spencer couldn’t hold back his laughter. “I’ll give you a minute.”

“I will cut off your balls and make them into soup.” I muttered.

“You’ll have to catch me first. Good luck running.”

I didn’t dignify that with a response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need church.  
> I'm Jewish but I need church.  
> If you'd like the full experience of this fic, listen to Hayloft by Mother Mother and/or Dicked Down in Dallas when you read this; that's what I did as I wrote it.


	8. Dominant Female (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader goes over the case with the class and relaxes with Spencer.

I managed to put enough aloe vera on my legs that I could walk normally (with soft pants) by Monday, though sitting down was avoided whenever possible.

“Today’s focus is on how you did during the simulations.” I announced. “You’ll get my feedback sheets, as well as forms filled out by the agents who participated in the scene. You’ll then write a one-page informal paper on what you should do to improve; just use your feedback and explain how to incorporate it into future work.”

I walked up and down the rows, handing back the thin folders with the feedback, complementing each student on what they did well. I then made my way back up to the stage, perching on the edge of my desk as I read over the Frost case file for the fifth time that day.

_Fuck it, might as well get all the help I can._

“Actually, that’s boring, forget that.” I closed the folder and looked up at the students. “Let’s do another simulation, right here, right now. I’ll give you all the facts of a case in the order in which they were obtained. You build a profile.”

I knew it was much more interesting than reading over critiques, and who knows, maybe one of them would have some vital insight.

“Just a quick trigger warning, since you aren’t dealing with this full time yet, this case does involve pornography and sexual assault.” I was pretty sure the class would be fine, but I always wanted to check. “I won’t blame you for excusing yourself at any time during this exercise.”

I waited a few seconds, then nodded.

“Here are the facts of the case: A victim is kidnapped from government property early morning day one. Victim’s domestic partner finds a note from the vic, immediately brings it to their superiors. Later that day, victim’s phone is tracked and leads to a video feed of victim being tortured, as well as victim and victim’s partner in sexual scenarios.” I tried to keep it vague, but also decided that if anyone figured out it was me and Reid, I’d be honest; these were mostly profilers, after all. “Victim is found drugged and tortured; unsub reveals himself to be an ex of victim’s partner who abused them. At this time, the unsub has not been arrested.” I paused, hearing the scratching of note taking. Then: “Give me a profile.”

David’s hand shot up. “At first glance, it would seem like you’re dealing with a classic sadist, perhaps one specifically working against the government.”

“But?”

Another hand. “The unsub’s specific targeting of the victim, due to their shared connection to the victim’s partner, suggests this is personal. The sexual images support this theory.”

“Good. What else?”

“It’s about past grudges.” A quiet student, someone who sat in the back and didn’t speak up much. “If it was just revenge, it would be targeting both victim and vic’s partner. But this is about dredging up as much of the past as possible. The unsub wants the victim’s partner to relive something.”

“Very good.” I nodded. “Anything else? What have none of you mentioned?”

A hand shot up.

“Yes?” I gestured towards them.

“The note. Were there any images with it?”

I shook my head.

“Then it doesn’t line up.” The student, Abby, grew more confident as I nodded. “The unsub’s goal is to torture the victim’s partner via the images and the torture of the victim. The note, without anything else, is out of character.”

“Hence?”

Silence.

“Come on, give me a guess, what does the note mean. We have an unsub with a specific plan, a specific target, a profile that makes sense. But there’s this note, this detail, that’s off. What does that suggest?”

David tentatively put his hand up. “A partner?”

“Exactly!” I nodded at him. “A partner. Now, with that in mind, what changes?” I looked around, tapping my foot. “Come on, I know you all have voices.”

A student who tried to hide in the middle of the class raised their hand. “You have to consider the dynamic between the partners.”

“Yes! Now, what’s the most common dynamic?”

Several hands went up. I pointed at one on random.

“One partner is dominant and the other is submissive.” They said. “This may be two men or one man and one woman, but partnerships are generally less common with women.”

“Correct.” _At least they listen, even if they don’t talk._ “Now, consider all the facts of the case again. The past of the unsub and the victim’s partner, the dynamics already at play here. What are we looking for in the partner?”

A few shy hands. Again, I chose one at random, just happy the class was engaged.

“Probably a female partner, unless the unsub is bisexual or otherwise sexually divergent.” They continued when I nodded. “This is not a new relationship; there’s mutual trust. But the partner diverged.”

“No, she didn’t.” David suddenly.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Sorry for interrupting, it’s just,” he stumbled a bit, looking at his classmate he’d cut off. “This was all assuming the male partner is the dominant. If we instead assume the other, likely female partner as the dominant, then her actions make more sense.”

“Go on.” I smiled a little.

“She didn’t tell him about the entire plan, she just told him what he wanted to know. It’s like what you do with code breakers; no one ever has the entire key. Information on a need-to-know basis.” He was looking at me as if for confirmation, but I just let him continue. “Let him think he’s off the leash, while she’s playing towards her endgame on the side.”

We’re mixing metaphors now, but okay.

“This leaves us with two likely possibilities for her motive. Either she has something against the victim and/or the victim’s partner, or she’s just a plain sadist. The latter is less likely considering the targeted nature of this, though possible if that’s what was necessary to get the male partner to agree.”

“Very good, David.” I faced the entire class again. “Now that David’s monologued for a while, I’m going to add some extra information. Male unsub is in one state, female unsub is in another; neither are near the victim. Assuming the female unsub has not yet reached her endgame, what’s her next move?”

No hands went up.

“If you’re going to be a profiler, if you’re going to make it at all in the FBI, you need to think like a criminal. Go on, put yourself in her shoes. What do you do?” I waited, but no one spoke up. “Okay, let’s backpedal. Who is the female unsub’s target?”

“The victim, possibly the victim’s partner as well.” Abby said.

“Good. Now, you’re the female unsub. Your partner has been arrested, so you must assume he’s told them everything. Any plans you shared with him are now jeopardized. But you’re not done, you’re a sadist, you want to watch them suffer. What do you go after?”

“Expand the circle.” Someone said. “Protection is focused on victim’s immediate family. Go outside of that, someone who’s not protected by proxy. Someone who’s more vulnerable.”

_Not what I was thinking. Shit._

“Now think about the unsub’s actions in the past; not killing, drugging, psychosexual attacks. Who makes the most sense?” _Please, help me here._

“Children. Ex-partners. Possibly parents, depending on the relationships.” David’s voice was quiet, his eyes locked on me.

I could feel my chest tightening. “Class dismissed.”

***

As soon as the class was out of the room, I frantically grabbed at my phone.

**_Call to: Deanna_ **

“Come on, pick up, please,” I muttered, heels clicking as I paced back and forth. “Please, Deanna, pick up the phone.”

“Hello?” She answered.

“Deanna!” I gasped in relief. “Are you okay?”

“I keep telling you and dad, I’m fine.” She sighed. “What’s wrong?”

“Just… I was going over the case with my class and I really need you to be careful. I’m worried that someone’s going to come after you to hurt us.” I was a bit embarrassed, but also worried about my daughter. “I’m going to send you pictures and all known names and aliases of the unsubs we’re dealing with, just, watch out, okay?”

“I will, mom. Take a deep breath and calm down. Dad told me you’ve already arrested them, why are you still worried?”

“You haven’t seen the pull of these unsubs.” I was able to stop my nervous pacing. “Can you just be sure to be safe?”

“I always do, mom. I love you.” I heard her blow me a kiss over the phone.

I smiled. “I love you too.”

***

Spencer and I sat next to each other in bed. He was reading Harry Potter in Latin; I was going over the transcripts of Lacey’s and Daniel’s interrogations again. My handwriting littered the margins, trying to figure out if they were going to do anything else, what their pressure points were.

“It’s getting late,” Spencer murmured, “We should get some sleep.”

“I never thought I’d hear you say that.” I teased.

“I’m almost done with the book, that’s why.” He looked up at me, smiling. “And I can hear how stressed you are.”

“You can’t hear stress.” I snorted.

“Your breathing keeps accelerating, and you keep shifting. I’ve been listening to your breathing, and you’re stressed.”

I rolled my eyes. “Creep.”

“Nope, just a nerd.” He leaned over and kissed me. “Put the case file away and cuddle me instead.”

I smiled and put it on my bedstand, turning to him. “You have to put the book away too, then.”

He pouted but did. I smiled and kissed him, shifting over to lay on his chest. He rested one hand on my back, while I traced his new silvery scars.

“You’re beautiful, Spence,” I whispered.

I heard his breath catch, “I- I don’t like the scars.”

“I know,” I sighed and looked up at him. “But I think you’re beautiful.”

He bit his lip, “Thank you.”

I laughed a little, “At least next time Morgan starts talking about his scars you can show off.”

Spencer snorted. “That makes it all worth it.” He was smiling a little, eyes sparkling with laughter.

“I love you, Spencer Reid,” I whispered, kissing him.

“I love you too, (Y/N),” He pulled me into his lap, kissing me.

I smiled and ground down against him a little as the kiss deepened, my hands wrapping around his neck to hold him close to me. Spencer’s hands wrapped around my hips. He whined, hips bucking up a little.

“Someone’s excited,” I teased, moving so one hand was wrapped around his throat, tightening my grip a little.

“Fuck,” Spencer gasped, “I- I want you inside me, Ma’am.”

“Lay down, spread your legs, baby,” I ordered, shifting off him to grab lube. I pulled out a strap and covered it with lube before dripping some onto his thighs. “Relax for me, I’m going to make you feel good.”

Spencer nodded and settled down, having already placed a pillow under his hips. I circled his asshole with one finger, my other hand stroking his cock. He whined, hands tightening in the sheets.

“Mistress, I need you inside me,” Spencer moaned. “Please.”

“Oh, you want to be a little slut?” I asked. “You need your Mistress inside you?”

He nodded desperately. “Please!”

I pushed two fingers inside, curling them against his prostate. Spencer groaned, pushing against my fingers, legs tensing.

“Stay quiet or I’ll have to gag you,” I leaned forward and kissed him as my fingers pushed deeper.

Spencer bit his lip, eyes closing as I opened my fingers a little, slowly opening him. I pulled out and added another finger, beginning to slowly fuck him, pushing in gently.

“Mistress, please fuck me,” He gasped, trying to keep his voice hushed, “Please just put your strap in me, I need you.”

I pulled out my fingers and poured a little more lube on his hole before slowly lining up, keeping my hands firmly on his hips to prevent him from pushing forward.

“Mistress, please, I don’t care if it hurts, I just need you.” Spencer forced his eyes open to meet mine. “Please.”

I leaned forward and pushed in roughly. “Beg.”

“Please, please, Mistress, please fuck me, I’ll be quiet, I’ll be good for you,” Spencer’s voice cracked with arousal.

I gripped his hips as I fucked him, pulling him close with every thrust, angling myself to give him the most pleasure. Spencer was quickly close; it had been a while since we’d really had enough time to do this properly, and I had seen his arousal earlier; he wasn’t as good at hiding it as he thought he was.

“Mistress, please touch me, please let me cum.” He moaned, hands scrambling for a pillow to mute his moaning. “Fuck, you make me feel so good.”

I moved one hand from his hip to his cock, matching each stroke with a thrust, my other hand digging into the soft flesh of his thigh.

Spencer grabbed a pillow and pushed it over his face as he moaned, “Mistress, please!”

I leaned down and kissed his neck. “Cum for me.” I began sucking a mark into his neck, continuing my tempo.

Almost immediately, Spencer thrust up into my hand, moaning into the pillow as he came, cum covering my hand and both of our chests. I slowed down, coaxing him through the orgasm, then slowly pulled out, moving the pillow off Spencer’s face.

“Fuck,” he panted, voice scratchy. “Thank you, Mistress.”

I smiled and kissed him, “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

As soon as he recovered, he rolled over and pulled me into his arms, cupping my face with his right hand as his left pushed the strap down. I kicked it off and Spencer trailed his fingers up my thigh, humming at the wetness he felt.

“Spence, you don’t need to-” I started.

“Yes, I do,” he stopped me, “I want to make you cum, and you did that for me.”

I kissed him, whining a little as he began slowly circling my clit. Spencer kissed me deeply as he sped up. I arched up against him, breathing accelerating against his lips. I could feel Spencer smile as he some how continued to speed up, moving in just the right ways to bring me closer to my orgasm.

“Fuck, Spence,” I whispered.

He kissed me again, “I want to make you feel good, my love.”

I bit my lip and nodded, grinding up against his hand a little. “Just like that, fuck, I’m so close.”

Spencer pulled me into another deep kiss, the hand not between my legs cupped around my head, holding me close.

“I- I’m gonna-” I gasped, not even finishing the sentence before I came, shaking, hips jerking up against his hand.

As soon as I did, he pulled me into a deep kiss, smiling as I moaned into his mouth. His fingers slowed but didn’t stop.

“Shit, Spence,” I was breathing heavily. “Thank you.”

“I’m not done,” he smiled and began speeding up again, “I know you have another one in you.”

“I- oh- fuck, Reid,” I managed, “You don’t have to.”

He shook his head, still smiling. “I want to.”

His fingers sped up again, circling my clit, hitting my most sensitive spot. I could only manage wordless gasps, hands scrambling to hold onto Spencer as I ground up against his hand.

“You’re so pretty when you’re in pleasure,” he whispered, “You look so beautiful when you just let go and enjoy yourself.”

I would’ve debated his words, but I was too lost in the feeling of his fingers and his lips. I was getting closer as his fingers moved up my clit.

“Fuck, S- Spence, I’m so close,” I screwed my eyes shut and pushed my head into my pillows. “Right there, don’t stop.”

He didn’t, instead latching onto my neck, sucking a light mark below my jawline. “Whenever you want, darling, cum for me.”

His voice pushed me over the edge. I bit my lip hard, almost drawing blood as I came again. Spencer didn’t stop until I was whining and twitching from oversensitivity.

“I love you so much, Spencer Reid,” I murmured, pulling him into a kiss. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” He answered, pulling me close to his chest. “I love you.”

We pulled the covers over us both, not even bothering to properly clean up before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M ALMOST DONE WITH MY FINALS Y'ALL!!! I'M SO HAPPY


	9. Kiwi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets even worse.

“The FBI wants to do a full investigation into Frost and Felix.” Hotch told me as we walked to my lecture hall. “They’re not suspending anyone, but it’s going to be a long process.”

I sighed and nodded. “What do I need to do after class?”

“They’re requesting that an agent not associated with the BAU interview the entire team and both unsubs.” He shrugged, “They want someone who can profile that’s not associated with us, I guess.”

“I guess that makes sense. Where are we being interviewed?”

“They want to do it in the interrogation rooms. I couldn’t tell you why.” He was clearly stressed about the entire deal. “Just meet the team there, and make sure you just go over the facts of the case.”

“As always.” I confirmed. “Are you staying for class?”

“Why not?” He shrugged. “They want us to pause all work until this is over. As annoying as it is, I guess I get some free time for once.”

I looked down as my lesson plan for the day. “We’re discussing interrogating unsubs and using threats of violence as coercion today.”

“Ah, the light topics of the FBI academy,” Aaron sighed sarcastically. “I’d be happy to give my input.”

We sat and talked quietly as the class filtered in, some greeting me, while others just quietly sat, preparing for class. As soon as the class began, I called out for quiet and stood.

“As I mentioned last time, we’re covering violence in interrogation today.” I tended to pace a bit as I lectured, but I was more self-conscious in front of Hotch. I forced myself to relax and act normal. “I want to make it clear, this isn’t ‘enhanced interrogation’ or torture – this is ideas such as shouting, slamming the table, even telling an unsub what may happen to them in prison.”

I paused for a moment; last time I’d done this lecture, someone brought up Guantanamo Bay, causing a debate that lasted the entire class period. Luckily, no one did this time.

“To help with today’s lecture, we have SSA Aaron Hotchner, head of the BAU. He’s faced some awful unsubs and knows how to deal with the worst of the worst.”

Hotch stood. “I wouldn’t say the worst of the worst, I’m sure there are even more messed up people we haven’t caught yet. But I’ve dealt with everything from bioterrorists to personal attacks, so I’ve seen a lot.”

Of course, someone asked the question I’d been dreading. “What do you mean personal attacks?”

I shot Hotch a look, as if to say, _you don’t need to answer the question_ , but he did.

“I’m sure Agent (Y/N) has told you about the Mr. Scratch case; an unsub who faked being a victim and fooled us all. He murdered my wife and tried to murder my son.” Hotch answered, tone steely. “I actually never interrogated him as an unsub, I killed him before we ever had the chance to bring him in.”

Silence. Even pencils and pens stopped moving, as if the word had paused for a moment.

“But,” Hotch broke the spell, “Since that’s not what we’re here to talk about, let’s move on.”

***

I leaned my head on Spencer’s shoulder as we sat, waiting for the agent who would be interviewing us to come up to the interrogation rooms. The team had gone over the facts of the case, and we now sat, waiting. None of met each other’s eyes.

The agent arrived. It was another teacher with the Academy who I’d passed in the hall a few times; Vargas, maybe? He gave me a terse nod before walking into the interrogation room.

“Why does it feel like we’re the ones on trial?” I muttered.

“Welcome to the federal government and cases involving sexual assault,” Emily answered, voice dripping in loathing.

“This was years ago, and he was convicted, he’s being tried for something completely different,” I argued, “Why does that matter?”

“It shouldn’t,” Hotch agreed, “But they like to make it a big deal anyways. Just stick to the facts of the case and it’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” Morgan shot back. “You haven’t been through this.”

Everyone fell silent again. Vargas opened the door and walked back out, motioning for me to come in. Spencer squeezed my hand as I stood, but I dropped it limply as I walked away and into the small room.

It felt strange being on the side of the desk further away from the door; I didn’t have an easy out. I crossed my ankles and clasped my hands on the cold metal, waiting.

Finally, he spoke. “Please state your name and rank within the FBI for the record.”

“Special Agent (Y/N) (Y/L/N), I teach profiling, interrogation, and stress management at the FBI Academy.” We both knew that, and the FBI had all my information on file, but I had to say it anyway.

“Can you describe your relationship with Dr. Spencer Reid?”

“We’re married.” _Describe your relationship? What the fuck?_

“Please describe your relationship with Daniel Frost.”

“We were together as sexual partners for a few months before I began at the FBI.” I sighed. “We were in a power exchange dynamic with negotiated limits in which I was the dominant partner. He tried to force me into a situation that I was not comfortable. When I refused, he released revenge porn with my information attached. I sued him and he was in prison, supposedly for life.”

“Supposedly?” Vargas raised an eyebrow.

“He got out a few weeks ago without my knowledge.” _Seriously? Why do I need to go over this again?_ “What does this have to do with the current case?”

“The Bureau wants to have all the information to completely understand this case.” He answered, not meeting my eyes. “Now, please recount what happened the day Dr. Reid was kidnapped.”

“I’ve written up this exact report at least three times. You don’t need that information again.” I answered tersely. “Can we move on or be done here?”

“Please answer the questions.”

“No. You probably have my report in that folder. Either ask me new questions or release me to do my job.” I knew I was being antagonistic, but I didn’t care. “Now, are we done here?”

“Fine.” Vargas sighed. “Do you believe that Daniel Frost kidnapped Dr. Reid?”

“I don’t believe he was on the premises for the kidnapping, no. However, I do believe that he assisted in Spencer’s torture.” I answered, chest clenching at the memory. “He knew he would have been recognized on FBI property too easily, and he couldn’t have known if Spencer knew what he looked like. His partner was the safer option.”

“Let’s discuss Lacey Felix for a moment.” He looked up at me. “Is their relationship similar to what you and Frost had?”

“No. For one, Frost in the dominant in that relationship. Also, I never collared Frost, it was casual.” _Go on, ask what that means._ “Also, Daniel and I were never romantic, while I believe Lacey and Daniel were.”

To my surprise, he didn’t question the mention of collaring. I fiddled with my bracelet a little, finger resting on the key.

“Do you believe that Lacey Felix assisted in the kidnapping and torture of Spencer Reid?”

“Considering she admitted to it, yes.” _Why does this even need to be asked?_

Vargas looked doubtful, but continued. “Is there anything additional about Lacey Felix or Daniel Frost that you’d like the Bureau to take into consideration when reviewing this case?”

“They admitted to it. Both of them. We shouldn’t even be here.” I said immediately, rage building in my chest. “You’re just here because either you or someone higher up thinks it doesn’t matter that Daniel tried to attack me, you think it’s all my fault. But let me tell you, he was locked up at let out without my knowledge. Whatever you believe about what he did, I should have been able to protect myself and my family, and I couldn’t. The Bureau put the safety of my family at stake. This isn’t about me or Spencer; it’s about our children.”

Before he could respond, I walked out.

I walked past Spencer, straight to the stairs, and ran down, collapsing against the wall at the landing, tears already flowing.

_Why does it feel like I’m the one on trial?_

_Why can’t this be behind me?_

***

I couldn’t sleep that night. I could hear Spencer’s soft, even breaths beside me, knew he’d wake up if he heard anything, so I stayed still, staring at the ceiling, frozen.

_The judge had let me write an impact statement, let me read it to Daniel in front of the jury, the entire courthouse._

_I stood there, alone. I was dressed in an ill-fitting pantsuit, hems brushing past my heels to the floor, sleeves slipping over my thumbs as I fumbled with the paper. The room was silent, waiting._

_I spoke. I barely even needed to look at my notes as I described in agonizing detail what he’d put me through. The shame, the humiliation, the pain. I told him, told everyone about the fear I felt every morning walking into the courthouse, knowing I’d see him again._

_I told them of my relief upon him being found guilty. I looked him in the eyes and told him I would be truly happy on the day he died. I would celebrate. I told him no human with any respect for another’s decency would feel an ounce of sadness for him._

_“Daniel.” I met his eyes for the first time since… I didn’t even know when. Maybe that scene, so many months ago. “I honestly hope that you never have the privilege of seeing me again. I hope all you see is disgusting prison food and the four walls of your cell for the rest of your life. I take solace in the fact that, if there is an afterlife, you will be tortured there as you have tortured me here. I hope that you suffer for eternity and a day for what you’ve done to me._

_“Goodbye, Daniel.” With that, I stepped back, away, and walked out._

“If only that had been goodbye,” I whispered to myself.

I turned to Spencer, who was still sleeping, and shifted so I could rest my head on his chest, intertwining our fingers. His heartbeat was deep and sure, his breathing soft, lifting my head up and down gently like the swaying of a boat.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I was in the exact same position when I woke up, hands linked with Spencer’s, ear still pressed to his chest. It just felt _right,_ like that’s where I was supposed to be.

Spencer was still asleep, so I just stayed, happy to be with him, to be safe.

***

I walked into the FBI Academy front office, quickly stopping to check my mail slot. Spencer sometimes left notes, or students would turn things in, so I tried to check at least twice a week. I grabbed the small stack of papers, shooting Agent Graham a small smile as I walked out, sifting through the pile.

It was mostly assignments, along with a clearly quickly written note from Spencer wishing me a good day (with a kiss mark from Penelope at the top). I laughed a little and tucked it into my bag before continuing, barely looking up as I walked to my hall. There was one paper at the bottom, written on notebook paper, handwriting fast and messy, but clearly not Spencer’s.

_Stay after class for me._

I pulled out my phone and sent a picture to the BAU chat (which they’d kindly kept me in).

**_Message to: BAU Fam  
_ ** **One attachment.**

**_Message to: BAU Fam  
_ ** **WTF? Is one of you trying to freak me out?**

**_Message to: BAU Fam  
_ ** **I’ve got class in 2. If it’s not one of you, someone get down here before the end of class.**

***

I acted normal through the whole class, trying to stay casual as my eyes scanned for any possibility of a threat. I couldn’t see anything, but I was distracted with my lecture, and I couldn’t be sure.

Two lights in the back of the hall were out, so although I saw someone slip in, I couldn’t tell who it was. I finished the lecture normally, trying not to noticeably fidget.

“Okay, that’s it for today. Remember to email me your notes, pictures or scans are fine. If you type them, that’s fine too, I just need to know you’re paying attention.” I reminded them. “It’s just a completion grade, so don’t worry about making them look pretty. However you do it is fine.”

The class filtered out, a few coming up to ask me questions or pass me a copy of their notes, others about the other, long-term assignments I’d given them. Once I was done, I sat at my desk, waiting, still searching the room as my pen scratched randomly at scrap paper, eyes up as my head was tilted towards the desk.

Nothing. I waited, but nothing happened. After almost half an hour, I stood, packing up my papers and tucking my pen into my bag. I redid my ponytail as I walked out, glancing around the hall one last time.

I hadn’t seen them walk out, even though I’d been watching, but the figure in the back of the room was gone.

I shook my head and turned off the lights, walking to the elevator.

“You’re going crazy,” I told myself. “Cut it out.”

***

Another sleepless night.

I curled up on Spencer the same way, trying desperately, but my eyes wouldn’t even close except to blink.

I got out of bed earlier than usual, brewed a pot of coffee, and drank the entire thing before making another.

***

**_Message from: Hotch  
_ ** **News re: Frost & Felix. Come upstairs ASAP.**

I breathed a sigh of relief that my last class of the day had finished and almost ran upstairs, heart beating in my throat as I tried to guess what the news would be. Good? Bad? Nothing? More damn red tape to go through?

I walked through the bullpen, kissing Spencer on the cheek and dropping my bag before walking into Hotch’s office. He looked up when I walked in and wordlessly beckoned to a chair, standing and closing the door firmly.

“You and Agent Reid will be the only ones besides myself who are aware of this after I tell you.” His voice was sharp, rehearsed. Wrong. “You must listen very carefully.”

I looked him up at down, but he seemed normal. “Hotch, can I ask you a question first?”

He nodded, sitting back down.

I met his eyes, considering my words carefully. “The words that Spencer and I use when we’re in private situations can extend beyond that. If you need to use those words, for your safety, mine, or Spencer’s, then you can.”

Hotch nodded tersely. “Frost and Felix are coming to Quantico.”

“Coming to Quantico meaning…?” I knew he was wording it precisely.

“They were being transferred and they escaped.” He said. “We’re not sure exactly where they are now.”

“Hotch,” I stood and leaned forward over his desk. “Do you need to use one of our words?”

I didn’t care if one of them was listening and would know what it meant. I didn’t know how else to ask.

He picked up a pen and began to write. His handwriting was cramped; he was writing quickly.

_Kiwi.  
They’re here._

I picked up the paper and walked out, making sure to close the door behind me. My heart was beating quickly I could hear it. I ran down the stairs and grabbed Spencer’s arm, shoving the paper into his hand.

“I think Hotch is being threatened by Lacey and Daniel. They escaped while being transferred here.” My voice was shaking. “I’m taking Morgan to get the kids.”

Derek looked up at the sound of his name.

I grabbed my bag and pulled him towards the elevators, keeping my voice quiet. “Daniel and Lacey are out, and they’re threatening Hotch. I need you to help me make sure the kids are safe.”

He nodded, “I’ll call Pen, see if she can figure anything else.”

“I’m calling the school.” My voice was shaking. “Get Pen to tell Deanna as well.”

***

We took one of the official FBI vans, lights and sirens on. I drove desperately, skidding around corners, blinking tears out of my eyes. We stopped in front of the school and I jumped out, running in and grabbing onto the front desk.

“I’m here for Tobias and Maeve Reid.” I fumbled for my badge. “I- where are they right now?”

The woman was surprised but began typing, “They’re in class right now.”

“What room?” Morgan asked, walking up behind me.

“27, it’s just down the hall to the left,” she gestured. “Can I ask what’s going on?”

Morgan looked at me, “Go ahead, I’ll explain.”

I nodded and ran down the hall, muttering, “Twenty-seven, where- twenty-seven, come on.”

I found the room and went to open it, but the door was locked and there was a curtain over the window. I banged on the door, hand flying to my gun.

A kind voice came from inside. “I’m coming!”

I waited, tapping my foot nervously. The door opened and a young teacher that reminded me of Ms. Frizzle opened the door only enough to shower her face. She quickly noticed my gun and her eyes grew wide, only relaxing a little when I showed her my badge.

“I’m looking for Maeve and Tobias Reid, I’m their mother.” I told her.

She looked between my face, my badge, and my gun. “I’m sorry, can I just confirm your name with our records?”

I nodded. “Just, please tell me, has anyone threatened you or my children within the past few days?”

“No, nothing. May I ask what this is about?” She asked, grabbing a binder near the door with the kids’ information.

“My children may be in danger, that’s all I can tell you right now.”

She looked concerned but nodded. She found Maeve and Tobias’s profiles, matching my information with the information on the page.

“Everything is clear, would you like me to bring them out here or would you like to come in?” She opened the door a little more. “They’re working on crafts right now.”

“I’d like to come in, if that’s alright.” I took my hand off my gun and pulled my jacket over it, then stepped inside.

Immediately, Maeve spotted me and ran over, trying to climb me as she gave me a big hug.

“Mommy, what are you doing at school?” She asked.

Tobias also came over, scrambling for my attention. I knelt to whisper to the both of them.

“Mom’s going to take you on a special field trip with Uncle Derek, okay?” I told them. “We get to go visit Dad at work!”

They smiled and jumped with excitement, running to gather their things. I stood and turned back to the teacher, who was ushering the other students back to their work.

“I’m sorry about scaring you,” I said. “Kids in preschool and working in the FBI isn’t the most comfortable combination.”

“You’re not the only FBI parents we have, Agent,” she smiled. “It’s not my first time, and we’ve all been through training to protect the kids.”

Maeve and Tobias returned, still giddy with excitement.

“I’ll sign them out at the front,” I told the teacher.

***

“I want Deanna in protective custody,” I told Spencer as we walked towards Hotch’s office. “For my sake, if not hers.”

He nodded, “I’ll call her, coordinate with the local office.”

_Expand the circle._

_Children. Ex-partners. Possibly parents._

_His eyes were locked on mine._

“Spencer, your mom,” I turned, “Check on her, I’ll call Deanna.”

His eyes flashed with fear and he nodded.

_“She didn’t tell him about the entire plan.”_

_“She’s playing towards her endgame on the side.”_

I almost dropped my phone scrambling to call Deanna.

“Mom?” She answered. “What’s wrong this time?”

“Deanna, Hotch is being threatened, and I think you’re next.” I leaned against the wall, trying not to collapse. “Please, I want you to go to the local FBI office, I’ll call them and get you in protective custody. We already picked up the kids.”

“Why would I be in danger?”

I took a shaky breath. “I- The person who kidnapped Spencer escaped and is threatening Hotch.”

“What do I do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late!  
> Happy hannukkah!


	10. Security Detail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares. Tracking down unsubs. Angst.

“We should go home, they already said they’ll give us a security detail,” Spencer sounded truly concerned about me.

I shook my head. “We’re still safer here.”

“You’ll get better sleep in your own bed.”

“I’ll get worse sleep if my children are in danger.”

“Let the kids go home,” Spencer took my hands into his lap. “Please.”

I didn’t answer, didn’t look at him. I couldn’t.

“(Y/N), please.” He put one finger under my chin, making me look up at him. “Let’s go home as a family.”

His eyes were wide with hope and fear, the same look that a puppy had when upset. He knew I couldn’t say no to him.

“Fine.” I let him help me to my feet.

***

The drive home was quiet. The kids knew something was wrong; we’d already told them they were coming to work with us instead of going to school tomorrow, but they didn’t cry or seem upset, just quietly nodded. It was eerie, and part of me wondered if Diana had ever been slightly scared of Spencer when he was that age; they seemed to know more than we told them, just like he did.

We’d had dinner at the office, so Spencer and I quietly helped the kids into their pajamas and to bed. We retreated to our room after meeting the agents assigned to us, quietly thanking them.

I stripped down and pulled on an old college sweater of Spencer’s, while he chose to only wear boxers.

We climbed into bed and he moved to lay on my chest, my hands wrapped around his shoulders, fingers intertwined. His head rested between my breasts, hips settling between my legs, curled up like a child. It reminded me of our first night together, what felt like an eternity ago.

“Is it my fault Hotch is in danger?” Spencer whispered.

“Of course not, baby,” I said immediately. “If anything, it’s my fault, baby, you didn’t cause this at all.”

“Why would it be your fault?” He asked.

“Daniel’s my ex, I’m the one who upset him. If I hadn’t rejected him all those years ago, he wouldn’t be coming after us now.” I’d run over what I could’ve done differently so many times I immediately had an answer. “Hotch is in danger because of me.”

“We all knew the risks when we joined the team,” Spencer countered. “Remember what I told you on the first day?”

I laughed a little. “Of course I do.”

“Hotch has been on the team longer than either of us, he knows the risks. He’s trying to protect us.” Spencer’s hand ran down my chest, resting on my hip. “We’re going to find them and it’s going to be okay.”

I tried to believe him.

***

I woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. I couldn’t remember the dream I’d just had, but Daniel’s sick smile was burned into my eyes.

“You’re safe, agents are guarding you,” I whispered to myself. “Breathe, it’s okay.”

_His voice echoed around me._

_“Make me. Bitch.”_

_“Knees, now!”_

_“Pathetic.”_

_“I don’t care.”_

I couldn’t sleep; any time I closed my eyes, I saw him, felt the fear when he backed me against the wall. I didn’t wake Spencer up, knowing he needed the sleep, but instead stared into the darkness for the rest of the night.

***

“Hotch is being kept in an interrogation cell. He says he won’t talk to anyone until Jack is safe, JJ is on the way to get him now.” Emily told me as we walked into the office. “They’re bringing in Jessica too, to help take care of him.”

“At least Maeve and Tobias will have someone to hang out with,” I gestured towards the briefing room where Spencer was with the kids. “We need as few distractions as possible if we’re going to find Frost. Speaking of that, how’s Garcia doing?”

“She thinks she’s got a lead; you might want to see her if you have the time.” Emily answered. “I’m going to wait for JJ.”

I nodded, dropped my bag at Spencer’s desk, and made my way to Garcia’s small office, where she barely acknowledged my entrance with a muttered greeting and half-wave.

“Can I help with anything?” I asked, sitting out of her way.

She sighed, “Tell me how this dude goes off the grid this well.”

I thought for a second. “He uses a prepaid phone, always under a fake name; it’s not that uncommon in the BDSM community, for anonymity. I was one of very few people who knew his real name.”

“What was the name?” She asked, moving to a different computer and beginning to type. “Last name is better, but anything you remember helps.”

I laughed a little, “Fire. It was a bit of a joke, because of his last name. I think he kept his first name, I’m not sure though.”

Garcia spun to look at me, grabbed my face, and kissed my cheek. “Thank the heavens for unsubs with predictable names.”

I laughed as she turned back around, typing furiously, mouse moving between screens with impossible speed as she worked.

Less than a minute later, she squealed. “Got him. Shady motel, 10 minutes away.”

“I’ll tell the team, but we won’t do anything until Jack is safe.” I kissed her forehead. “You’re a lifesaver, Penelope.”

***

We sat in the bullpen, quietly waiting for JJ to come back with Jack. I sat in Spencer’s lap, his arms wrapped around me, my head buried in his shoulder. No one tried to stop us.

“Why didn’t anyone come to my class when I asked?” I murmured into his ear.

“What?” I moved back a little, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Two days ago, I asked one of you to come to my class, there was a weird note in my inbox. Someone showed up, but I don’t think it was one of you.”

“If you’d texted us, I would’ve come down immediately. You didn’t.”

I shook my head, pulling out my work phone and pulling up my messages. I showed him the texts; the most recent ones to the BAU group chat.

Spencer shook his head and took his phone off his desk, pulling up the same group chat: No messages from me.

_Shit._

I tapped on the group chat information and looked at the numbers; I could barely remember Spencer’s. “Are these right?”

Spencer took my phone and immediately shook his head. “No.”

I shot out of the chair and almost ran to Penelope’s office, passing her my phone.

“Why am I holding your phone?” She asked.

“Those numbers aren’t the BAU’s, but that’s in my phone as the BAU group chat. Someone got into my phone.”

She shook her head and turned around, plugging the phone into her computer, “That shouldn’t be possible; these are protected by me.”

“Look at those numbers, Pen.”

“I’m seeing it, sweetie, you’re right.” She was moving between monitors, typing furiously. “Leave your phone with me, I’ll handle this.”

I nodded and passed her my (already unlocked) personal phone as well. “See if there’s anything wrong with that one either.”

“On it.”

***

As I walked back into the bullpen, Spencer held out his phone to me. “Deanna wants to talk to you.”

I immediately took it, excusing myself to an empty office. “Hey, sweetie, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m already at the office, they’re going to take me into protective custody, this is my last phone call.” Her voice was steady. “I’m not allowed to say anything else, but… I won’t be able to message you at all until you give the all-clear and they’re back in custody.”

I nodded before remembering she couldn’t see me. “Yeah, that’s protocol.”

“Are you and dad going to be okay?”

Her calling us mom and dad still made me smile. “Yeah, we think we’ve got a lead. We can’t update your local office that much, but you’ll know as soon as we get them.”

“What about Maeve and Toby?” She was the only one that called him that; he got angry if anyone else tried.

“At the office with us, and we’ve got agents accompanying us everywhere, and at the house protecting us. They miss you, though, we’ve had to pull them out of your room a few times.” I laughed a little.

“Aww, that’s sweet. Just don’t let them get to my jewelry.” She laughed as well.

“We won’t.” I could hear talking in the background. “I know you’ve got to go, just promise me you won’t do anything stupid?”

“Promise. Keep everyone safe for me, okay?”

“Always.” I closed my eyes, holding back tears. “I love you, Deanna.”

“I love you too, mom.”

***

Around 1 AM, I shot up at the sound of a phone ringing; Spencer’s. He awoke at the same time, turning over to grab it and pick up. I flipped on a light just in time to see him mouth ‘Penelope’ to me.

“Hey,” his voice was still scratchy.

I waited, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying.

“You’re amazing, Garcia. We’re on the way.” He hung up and threw off the covers, turning to me. “Penelope has a lead, we’re all being called in. I guess we get to take the kids.”

I groaned.

***

“Okay, everyone’s here, let’s begin the briefing,” Hotch instructed, nodding at Penelope.

The entire team were in various states of awake and properly dressed; even Hotch’s tie wasn’t on properly, M’s hair hadn’t been brushed at all, and it looked like JJ was wearing Will’s shirt (it was a color I thought I’d seen on Emily, but I brushed it off). We’d managed to find someone to take care of the kids for a few minutes.

“I got a lead on the numbers (Y/N) was texting. I can’t figure out how they were changed in her phone, but I’ll find their way in later.” She shook her head, as if to refocus. “Anyways! I started tracking the numbers in any way I could, and I got a ping less than half an hour from here. We’ve already dispatched SWAT.”

“ETA?” I asked.

“5 minutes,” Hotch answered. “They’ve been there consistently, including regular other activity, so we believe they’re still there.”

“What do you want us to do?” Spencer asked.

“You two are waiting outside until either they’re in custody or we know they’re not there; your priority is your children.” Hotch answered. “You two are dismissed.”

I almost started to debate him, but shut my mouth, stood, and left the room, Spencer close behind.

***

Almost an hour later, Hotch walked in, sweat covering his forehead, worry lines across his face. As if understanding what was going on, Maeve and Tobias immediately moved away, playing quietly together. Spencer and I stood, keeping one eye on the kids as we talked.

“Well?” I asked.

“They’re coming in.” Hotch’s answer was terse. “SWAT got them.”

It clearly wasn’t the entire story.

“What aren’t you telling us?” Spencer asked.

He sighed, “I thought we didn’t profile each other.”

“You’re practically shaking with nerves and your forehead is a swimming pool, Hotch.” I answered. “It’s not profiling if it’s obvious.”

“Two officers got shot, Daniel Frost is in critical condition, and Lacey Felix tried to cut her vocal cords. We don’t know if she’ll recover.” He sighed. “They were expecting us, they wanted to get injured.”

I collapsed back into a chair, burying my face in my hands. “We have enough evidence to convict, right?”

He nodded.

“That’s all that matters, then. Save him so we can throw him in jail for the rest of his life.” Spencer spat.

***

Hotch made us go home. They were in prison on 24/7 watch with no way of getting out and we all needed sleep.

Jenna took the kids, insisting that we get some peaceful sleep after the rollercoaster of the past few days.

I drew the blackout curtains we used so rarely and cuddled next to Spencer, my head resting on his bicep. One of my hands was on his chest, tracing patterns. Though we were both quiet, neither of us could sleep.

“Truth or dare?” Spencer murmured.

I laughed, “Truth, I’m too tired for a dare.”

“That first night, why did you say yes? Why- why did you want to be with me?”

“You’re the dumbest genius I’ve ever met, Spencer Reid,” I teased, “I liked you. I’d liked you for… years at that point. How could I say no?”

He laughed and looked down at me, “Did you have a crush on me?”

“No comment. Truth or dare?”

He sighed, “You’re no fun. Truth.”

“You said at one point that you’d had penetrative sex with a man. Who and when?”

“That’s technically two questions, but I’ll allow it,” he smiled, “Do you remember that case in New Orleans? My friend Ethan?”

“Yeah, the cute one with the scruffy beard?” I teased.

“That’s the one.” He nodded. “Back when we were in school together, he snuck some alcohol, and… yeah.” He looked a little embarrassed.

“Spence, I’m not going to judge you for what you did as a teen. We were all impulsive.”

“That,” he hesitated, “It wasn’t the only time. When we were on that case, it all came rushing back, and we did it again.”

I moved up to kiss him. “Spencer Reid, I am in love with you, and I’m not going to judge you for being with another man.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, kissing me back. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Are you okay right now?”

I froze. Not where I expected this conversation to go. “I… I don’t think so. Is that okay?”

“Of course, it is, I just wanted to know.” He kissed my forehead.

***

“Are you ready for this?” Spencer asked me as we walked towards the high-security interrogation rooms.

I shrugged. “No. But we’re doing this.”

“I love you, (Y/N),” he pulled me into a close kiss.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeee random writing blocks  
> Hope you enjoy all the angst! :)


	11. Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interrogation, the trial begins, and some fluff.

We couldn’t get any useful information from Lacey, and Daniel was still in recovery, but we had to try anyway. After that was over, Spencer and I were both emotionally exhausted.

Hotch made us go home and told us we couldn’t come back for the rest of the day; he was doing paperwork to begin the official report, and he and Garcia were the only ones in the office. After Spencer and I managed to get some sleep, Jenna brought the kids back and we spent the day at an amusement park eating lots of sugar.

The kids crashed that night, leaving Spencer and I to video-call Deanna and update her; she’d been released from protective custody, but not told anything. After only a few dials, she picked up, smiling.

“Hi, mom and dad!” She waved. “What’s up?”

“We just thought we should update you on the case, is now a good time?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m just hanging out with friends,” she panned the camera around the room to show a few other students lounging on beds and chairs, waving. “What’s going on?”

I hesitated for a second but decided that if she was okay with them knowing what was going on, I wouldn’t stop her.

“We managed to track down Daniel and Lacey, they somehow managed to hack into (Y/N)’s phone,” Spencer began, “But they knew we were coming and injured themselves when SWAT went after them.”

“Someone got past Garcia’s skills?” She looked surprised. “How?”

“She’s still trying to figure that out,” I shrugged, “But that’s why you were released, Daniel’s in the ICU and Lacey managed to cut her vocal cords, there’s a very small chance she’ll ever talk again.”

“Oh shit,” her eyes went wide.

A voice in the background spoke up, “Are those guys psycho or something?”

Deanna raised an eyebrow at the person, “John, I told you they kidnapped my dad and the guy attacked my mom, so yeah, they’re kinda psycho.”

I snorted; I couldn’t help myself. “Sounds like you have some explaining to do, just text me, okay?”

“Will do,” she smiled at us, “I love you both, I’m glad you’re safe.”

“You too, sweetheart. Talk to you later.”

“Love you!” Spencer smiled and blew her a kiss.

I hung up and smiled, leaning my head against Spencer’s shoulder.

***

We brought the kids to the school early and met with the teacher and principal to explain what had happened but assured them everything was safe, and they were okay. We had to give them Hotch’s number and the official arrest report for their documents, but they were allowed back to the school.

From there, we drove to Quantico, taking a minute in the car to prepare ourselves before going in. I leaned over and kissed Spencer, pulling him close with one finger around his collar. He smiled and kissed me back, shifting to be in a more comfortable position with the center console between us. When we broke apart, I took one more deep breath before getting out of the car, taking Spencer’s hand as we walked in.

Hotch greeted us as we got out of the elevator, “How are Maeve and Tobias?”

“As well as could be expected, given the circumstances,” I shrugged, “They seem okay, but we’re looking into child therapists to make sure they get help.”

“Good idea,” he nodded, “You’re going to go through a lot of questions today, so our morning briefing is mostly just going over the details of the case, again. I know, it’s a pain, but…”

“It’s necessary for the case, we know,” Spencer finished. “Just give me the paper so I can memorize it.”

I laughed a little, giving him a sarcastic smile, “Wow, I almost forgot you had an eidetic memory! Thanks for reminding me, honey.”

He kissed my cheek, “Anytime.”

***

***

“Do we really have to go through the entire trial process when there’s footage of confessions and this damn report?” I sighed. “What the fuck? Hotch, you were a prosecutor, right? Can you explain this shit?”

“Poking holes in your story; it’s the defense attorneys,” he answered, “We can keep our story as watertight as possible, answer with only the facts, and stay as calm as possible. They’ll use your emotions against you.”

“How can I not be emotional facing my damn abuser and his piece of shit girlfriend who tortured my husband?” I snapped. I knew I was angry at the wrong person, but I needed to release all my pent-up danger somehow. “I can’t shut my emotions off, I’m not a faucet!”

“Just do the best you can.”

***

The day was exhausting. There was no other way to put it; I was emotionally exhausted and physically numb. I stripped off my clothes and pulled on a shirt, climbing into bed as Spencer helped Maeve and Tobias get ready for bed. I curled up around a pillow, too numb to even cry.

I heard Spencer walked in and change clothes, watched the lights turn off. I felt him climb into bed behind me, gently touching my arm, rubbing it gently when I didn’t push him away. When I relaxed, he pulled me against his lap, slowly rubbing the tension out of my shoulders, letting me put all my weight on him. When my muscles relaxed, Spencer made his way down my arms, then laid me on my stomach, slowly rubbing down my back, systematically working out all the knots. He was silent, understanding my need for quiet. When he finished rubbing my back, my thighs, and my calves, making me as relaxed as I could be, he turned me onto my side, curling around me.

I fell asleep like that, hands resting on Spencer’s, breathing softly.

***

They asked me to continue teaching during the trial proceedings; after all, my kids and husband were safe, so I was told to get back on track with my classes. Honestly, I was glad for the little bit of normal.

“Please quiet down, everyone,” I called as the class sat, slowly pulling their notebooks and other materials out. “As many of you have heard, or noticed, I have been absent again due to additional complications with the case around my husband’s kidnapping. However, both unsubs have been arrested and are now in custody, so I should be back for good. As usual, if you have any questions, feel free to come up after class. Additionally, if you have any questions about how this will affect your training and progression through the academy, please feel free to come up after class or send me an email.”

I waited for a few seconds, just in case anyone wanted to ask anything, but no one said anything.

“Wonderful. Now, let’s get into the lesson today. Can one of you tell me how much you covered with Agent Graham during my absence?”

David raised his hand, “We kept to the syllabus, Agent, so the lesson for today should be interrogation of sexually deviant unsubs, specifically dealing with nonconventional kinks and fetishes.”

“Wonderful, thank you, David. Now, who can tell me what the most common fetishes are?”

***

“We’re leaving on a case tomorrow,” Spencer said quietly as we drove home. “First thing in the morning, case in Portland, Oregon.”

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the road. “Okay, your go-bag should be packed.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with that, sweetheart?” He asked.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about it,” I answered curtly. “It’s your job, and an order from the head of your team.”

“You know Hotch would let me stay back if I wanted to, if you wanted me to.”

“That’s not good for the victims or the case. Go to Portland, I’ll handle the kids, it’ll be okay.”

***

“Are you scared about Dad leaving tomorrow?” Maeve asked as I helped them into bed.

I shook my head, “No, I know the team will keep him safe, and we made promises even before we got married, that we’d always come home to each other.”

“So you’re not scared that Dad might get hurt?” Tobias struggled to get up onto his bed. “Not at all?”

I picked him up and helped him settle down, “Dad might get hurt, and I know that, but I also know that your dad is really strong, and he’ll always come home to us.” I kissed his forehead.

Maeve spoke up again. “Is it okay if we’re scared about Dad?”

“Of course, sweetheart, being scared is part of being human,” I kissed her forehead before going to turn off the light. “Sleep well, you two.”

“Sweet dreams, Mama!” They chorused.

I smiled as I turned the light off and closed the door, walking softly down the hall to mine and Spencer’s room, where he was already in bed, waiting. I settled into bed next to him, turning off the light before moving so he could lay on my chest, arms wrapped around me.

“I love you, Spencer,” I whispered.

“I love you too,” I could hear the smile in his voice, “My wife.”

“My husband.”

I ran my fingers through his hair until he fell asleep, breathing in soft _puffs_ against my chest. His fingers twitched in some consistent unknown code against my spine, the same small movements every night. I could never figure out what it was, and Spencer claimed he didn’t even know he was doing it; I could never recreate the pattern well enough to decode it, but I knew it was the same pattern.

_I am in love with Spencer Reid._

_I am married to Spencer Reid._

_Spencer Reid loves me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy boxing day!  
> Please comment I'm desperate for validation lol also I love reading comments!
> 
> UPDATE 12/28/2020: I cut my finger washing knives so the update may be later than normal as typing is extremely difficult. So sorry for the delay!


	12. The Trial, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial begins.

I hated being without Spencer. It wasn’t my first time, but I still hated it. It almost hurt more because the kids were used to it.

The days were as normal as ever. I dropped the kids off, went to Quantico, lectured, stopped by Garcia’s office for a hug and an update, picked the kids up, and went home. Normally, Spencer and I would call before bed, either to masturbate together or just to talk, but I was going to bed earlier and the case was keeping him out late, so we couldn’t.

When I finally got the message that the team was coming back, I released the tension and fear I’d been holding all week, relaxing back in my chair, a small smile across my face.

_Spencer’s coming home. He’s okay._

The plane came in late that afternoon, so I drove with the kids to the airstrip, holding their hands as the stairs unfolded and the team walked off. I squinted a little against the sun, it seemed like Spencer was walking odd, holding onto the railing as he descended.

“Spencer Reid, what did you do?” I asked, crossing my arms as he limped over to us. “This better be good.”

He laughed, his smile infectious, “I was chasing the unsub, cuffed him, and then as I was picking him up, slipped and twisted my ankle. I’ll be fine in a few days.”

I swatted his arm, holding back my excited grin, “Don’t be so irresponsible next time.” Unable to resist any longer, I pulled him into a keep kiss, back arching as he leaned over me. “If you do that again, I’ll make it so you can’t sit right, either,” I whispered against his lips.

“EW!” The entire team yelled along with Maeve and Tobias.

Spencer and I laughed; even Hotch had joined in on their teasing. I gave Spencer another quick kiss before greeting the rest of the team, slowly walking towards the cars. Spencer’s limp really wasn’t that bad, but he knew I wouldn’t be happy about it. _That man is mine to bruise._

Reid helped the kids into the car as I talked to Hotch about the case, double-checking that Spencer was telling the truth about his injury and that everything else went well.

“I got a call from the DA on the plane back,” Hotch sighed. “They already set a date. Fastest I’ve ever seen them move.”

“When?”

“Three weeks out, both sets of attorneys are working around the clock preparing, but the Bureau’s pushing to close it as soon as possible. This was their compromise.”

“Fuck.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“We’re going to have a meeting next week to prepare, brief the entire team, and the district attorney is personally handling this case, so she’ll be coming in to talk to us.” Hotch shrugged. “I don’t know what else we can do.”

“There is nothing.” I told him. “It’s a jury of his peers now.”

***

***

“Someone stop me from slapping the defense attorney,” I muttered as Spencer passed me a bottle of water.

“He’s just trying to make you angry,” the DA reminded me. “It’s likely he’s going to drop the line of questioning as soon as we go back, it’s just to put us all on edge.”

“You’re doing great, sweetheart,” Spencer kissed my forehead. “I had to hold back Hotch from vaulting over the rail to beat him up.”

“Excuse you, I had to hold _you_ back,” Hotch objected.

“It was mutual,” Emily told me.

I looked at the district attorney. “I’m sorry for exploding at him.”

“He deserved it,” she smiled at me. “Go on, take a minute, just be back in here before we start again.”

Spencer took my hand and guided me into the hall, making sure we were out of sight from the courtroom doors before pulling me into a deep kiss. I relaxed and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him happily.

“Are you ready to testify?” I asked as we pulled away.

He nodded and let me lean against his chest. “I don’t like it, but I’m ready.”

“Let’s go then, Doctor Reid,” I teased him. “Stay calm.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, but I saw the smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is going to be multiple parts because the transcript is going to be long as hell.  
> I hope y'all are enjoying!


	13. The Trial, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial continues.   
> Spencer and Hotch testify.

***

“Add me to the list of people who want to slap the defense lawyer, again,” Spencer sighed as we sat down around a large table for lunch.

“He’s being obstinate on purpose,” the district attorney agreed, “But luckily the judge is about as pissed off as we are. He’s not going to let that ass keep doing this.”

“So, who is he going to piss off next?” Hotch asked.

The DA smiled at him, “You, Agent Hotchner.”

We all began laughing at his look of disappointment and horror.

***

Spencer and I walked back separate from the rest of the group. Although a few jokes were made, everyone understood our need to talk and be alone together.

“Just a few more hours,” Spencer sighed.

“For today,” I countered. “This won’t stop dragging on.”

“The defense attorney clearly has nothing; all he can do is try to poke enough holes in the story that the jury has reasonable doubt. But at the rate he’s going, the judge will throw him out of the courtroom before he even has the chance to make his case against us.”

I laughed a little, “I’d love to see that. Please let him struggle as they throw him out.”

“Are you sure you didn’t mean to throw someone else out?” Spencer imitated the lawyer.

For a second, as we laughed and walked hand in hand, everything felt normal, even though it was anything but. I stopped and pulled Spencer into a short kiss, my other hand instinctively reaching up to his collar, though I didn’t grab it since we were in public.

“I love you, Spencer,” I told him.

“I love you too,” he smiled, the soft, sweet smile he reserved for me. “Let’s get this over with.

***

***

“Hotch, how the hell did you know all that?” I asked as he left the witness stand and approached us. “And why did no one tell us this was going to happen?”

“That’s what happens when you walk back alone,” Emily answered with a faint smile. “We figured something was off with the lawyer and called a patrol to revisit the motel. They found his family, and… well… there they are.”

We all looked over to see the defense attorney with his family, all of them crying with relief. He had two young children, no older than 10, who were holding onto him for dear life. Though I never thought I’d feel bad for him, I quickly wiped a tear away at the scene.

“We didn’t tell you because it was too risky,” Hotch told us, “Only Prentiss and I knew they were there, even the rest of the team just thought we’d sent a car out. We couldn’t risk any walls with ears.”

JJ, Rossi, and Morgan all nodded.

“You’re amazing, Hotch, you know that?” I pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he kissed my head as we hugged. “I protect my family.”

I almost burst into tears at that.

“I do have one question,” Spencer said behind me. “Why did he start questioning you about the two of us?”

I pulled back from Hotch, “Think about all the footage they had of us, it’s likely they knew about it and wanted to put all of our testimonies into jeopardy by showing inappropriate office relationships.”

“We have to be more careful about that from now on,” Spencer murmured.

We all silently nodded. None of us wanted to think about what would happen if that became public. We kept our dynamics separate, and JJ and Rossi knew to keep quiet about it, but that didn’t mean exposure wasn’t possible. And terrifying.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” I excused myself. “After all of that, I need it.”

Everyone laughed and parted, allowing me to exit the courtroom. Spencer stayed behind, though I knew he wanted some too. Just as I was approaching the small coffee bar, I heard a click behind me and felt a piece of metal shove into the small of my back.

“Hello, bitch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only a little bit sorry.  
> Happy new year's eve!


	14. The Trial, Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the trial.  
> Plus some cute readerxspencer fluff becaues y'all deserve it after all that angst.

I barely even thought about what had happened before I reacted. In one swift movement, mid-step, I slammed my foot against his knee, flattening the rest of my body as much as I could without falling. As soon as my foot contacted, I spun and grabbed his wrist, aiming the firearm away from me a fraction of a second before it fired, bullet hitting the ceiling above us. One hand still on his wrist, I pulled him up, punching his nose so hard I felt it crack. Then I dropped him, panting, to look down at the face of Daniel Frost.

I heard shouting around me, felt the blood dripping off my hand, but I couldn’t even register what had happened before I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder and spun around, expecting another attacker. Instead, I saw Spencer’s worried face, his hand already around my wrist to look at my injury.

“Spence,” I muttered. “It’s his blood. How did he get here? I’m fine, it’s his blood.”

“You probably bruised your fingers, and there’s blood all over your hand. Let me clean it for you,” he answered, uncaring about the blood as he made sure I was alright. “I don’t know how he escaped custody.”

I hadn’t had any head injuries, but I suddenly felt faint and stumbled to the nearest chair, elbows resting on my knees, clawing at the tie around my neck. It loosened and I immediately undid the top button of my shirt, uncaring about the stain my bloodied hand would leave.

***

We were released to go home, as the jury had been released to deliberate considering the chaos of the day and the fear of Frost appearing in the courtroom. I had cleaned off my hand and changed clothes but was still shaking as we arrived at home. Spencer let me lean on him as we walked towards the door, doing everything he could to help comfort me. He helped me to bed, wrapping me in a blanket and curling around me. I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything, just took shaky breaths and tried to sleep.

_I was in the courthouse again, going to get coffee. I heard the click and Frost’s voice behind me, but this time, I didn’t react. I was frozen in place as he walked me back to the courtroom, his other hand on the back of my neck. We walked into the courtroom and there was Spencer, and I didn’t have time to cry out to him before I felt the bullet enter. It lodged in my spine, and I fell, the world going back. I heard Spencer’s scream, another gunshot, and his scream cut off._

I woke up screaming. Spencer had clearly been trying to calm me down, moving away when he saw my eyes open. I panted, trying to regain my breath, my throat sore.

“What happened?” Spencer asked.

“Daniel- the courthouse- the gun-” I couldn’t get the words out properly. “He shot me and he killed you and I didn’t stop him.”

“That didn’t really happen, it’s okay,” He reached forward, hand brushing my arm lightly. “Frost didn’t shoot either of us, you disarmed him and we’re safe.”

I couldn’t help it. I started crying, grasping desperately at Spencer’s shirt, needing him to be close. He rocked me, one hand on the back of my head and the other around my waist, keeping me close, letting me cry.

“How did he escape?” I whispered. “How could he do that?”

Spencer kissed my head, “I don’t know, but they’re working to figure it out. We’re safe now, I’m protecting you.”

I nodded and curled up against his chest, breathing still shaky.

I couldn’t sleep well for the rest of the night, dipping in and out of consciousness, the slightest noise waking me up. Spencer leaned against the headboard and fell asleep, arms still wrapped around me. It was only when the sunlight began to shine past our dark curtains that I slowly got out of bed, unsure how I would face the day ahead of me.

***

“So how did he get out?” I asked as we walked back into the courtroom.

“They brought them both back after the defense lawyer’s family showed up. There’s a whole system of hallways around the courthouse to bring defendants to and from the courtrooms,” Hotch gestured around us. “Apparently someone slipped Frost a gun during the trial, we have no idea how. He shot both security guards, went through another courtroom, and attacked you.”

I grasped for Spencer’s hand. Immediately, it was in mine, his slim fingers curling around my hand, thumb rubbing over the back of it in a comforting gesture.

“What happened to the guards?” I almost didn’t want to know.

“He shot them both in the head,” Hotch didn’t look at me. “They were dead long before the medics got them.”

I squeezed Spencer’s hand, feeling a lump form in my throat. “Let’s just get this over with.”

***

***

“We’re going home,” I said as soon as the gavel banged. I took Spencer’s hand and stood, moving quickly out of the courtroom. As much as I was glad they’d never get out of prison, I couldn’t stand being there for any longer than I needed to.

He followed me out silently, neither of us speaking until we were out of the courthouse. As soon as we were, I collapsed onto the marble stairs, shaking, breath uneven. Spencer sat beside me, arms wrapped around me, letting me cry.

I felt stupid crying so much, but at the same time, I knew Spencer would tell me I was allowed to – and that, scientifically, crying would actually help me.

Spencer took off his jacket and wrapped it around me, letting me pull it close. He waited until I stopped crying and felt okay enough to stand up and walk to the car. Once again, the drive home was quiet, the silence holding the weight of what we’d just witnessed.

Last time this happened, I was alone; I sat in my car until I stopped crying enough to drive home. This time, Spencer was with me, holding my hand for the entire drive, his presence comforting.

We got home and Spencer helped me lay on the couch, brewing coffee for us both and turning on an episode of a show I couldn’t remember the name of. The stories were sometimes eerily similar to the cases we dealt with (although, I suppose, it’s easier to take from truth for shows like that) and we liked criticizing the flaws in the cases and the dumb assumptions they made. Still, it made good TV.

I finished my coffee, but it didn’t do much to wake me up. I curled up in Spencer’s lap, eyes drifting closed as the next episode began to play.

***

Spencer must have moved away and gone to pick up the kids at some point, but I didn’t notice until I heard quiet voices around me, the higher pitches of Maeve and Tobias’s voices unmistakable.

“Go on,” I heard Spencer whisper, “Give mama hugs.”

I tried to hide my smile as I heard the footsteps and felt Maeve and Tobias climb onto the couch, attacking me with hugs.

“Mama!” Tobias whispered, “Wake up!”

I dramatically yawned and opened my eyes, Tobias’s face inches from mine.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” I smiled.

Maeve sighed dramatically. “It’s not morning, Mom, it’s 4:18.”

“Oh, my apologies,” I laughed and hugged them both, “Good afternoon.”

I looked up to see Spencer, smiling down at us. “How was your nap?”

“Really good, I feel much better,” I groaned as I stood up, “Thanks for getting the kids.”

We kissed briefly, and I gave him a look that said, _we’ll talk later._

“How was the case, mama?” Maeve asked as I began to prepare an afternoon snack.

I bit my lip. “It was good, there was just sentencing today.”

“What’s that?” Tobias asked.

“So, remember what I told you about the jury’s job?” I asked, waiting for them both to nod. “If they find the person or people guilty, then they have to decide what the punishment is.”

“What did the jury say?” Tobias asked as I passed him a sandwich, “Because you said the bad guy did it, right?”

“Just because we know they did it doesn’t always mean the jury thinks so,” Spencer added, “But in this case, there was a lot of evidence that the people did it, so the jury said they were guilty.”

“What was the punishment?” Maeve’s eyes were wide as she took a bite of her sandwich.

“Two life sentences each,” I bit the inside of my cheek, “So they’re going to die in jail.”

“Does that mean their bodies have to stay in jail?” Tobias looked shocked. “That’s gross.”

Spencer snorted, “No, it just means that they won’t get out because the sentence is so long. The bodies are removed because it’s not good to keep dead bodies around other people.”

“That makes sense,” Maeve nodded. “Do you think they should die there?”

_Damn our kids being smart and asking good questions._

“I think that it’s good that they can’t hurt anyone else,” I chose my words carefully. “And if that means they die in prison, then yes.”

It was a hard conversation to have with them, but an important one.

“This isn’t something you should just go around telling everyone about, though,” Spencer reminded them. “Some people don’t like talking about this, and we need to respect that.”

They both nodded solemnly. I just hoped that they really understood why we asked them to do that.

***

“We’re walking in together,” I leaned over and kissed Spencer’s cheek. “You’re not getting away from me again.”

He pulled his collar out from under his shirt. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

I smiled and kissed him again before grabbing the cookies we’d made with the kids from the backseat for the team: an attempt at normalcy after the chaos of the week.

“Ready?” Spencer asked.

I nodded. We walked in, hand in hand, bags resting on opposite sides so we could be close. I rode the elevator up with Spencer to the BAU’s floor, smiling as I saw the entire team waiting in the bullpen.

We walked in and I put the cookies down, preparing for the barrage of hugs.

Penelope was first, pulling me close, her unique perfume filling my nose. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered.

“Thank you, Pen,” I answered, “It’s over because you helped me find him.”

“You’re family,” she kissed my cheek. “Now give me a cookie.”

I laughed and gestured to the container as JJ hugged me. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.”

“It’s over now,” I shrugged, “Thank you for being there for us.”

Hotch pulled me close, my head resting below his. “I’m proud of your strength, Agent.”

“Thank you, Hotch,” I smiled at him. “And thank you for everything you did with the lawyer.”

“You’d do the same for me,” he said. “And they deserve to be in jail until they rot.”

Rossi just kissed my forehead. “Next time you have a free weekend, I’m sending you and the kid on a fancy date, on me.”

“What, no homemade pasta?” I teased.

He shrugged, “Your choice.”

Morgan hugged me. “I can’t pretend I know exactly what this feels like, but… I know how hard it is to face your abuser, and you’re amazingly strong.”

“Thanks, Derek,” I gestured towards the cookies. “Go ahead, I know you want one.”

Emily had apparently skipped the hug line in favor of going straight for a cookie, but she stood when Morgan moved away.

“At least you didn’t have to fake your death to get justice,” she teased.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “If I ever do, I’ll come to you.”

“Here’s hoping I never get that call.”

I looked around and spotted M at what used to be my desk, clearly hanging back from the group. I grabbed a cookie and walked over to them, offering it. “Come on, you’re part of the team.”

“You’ve got years of inside jokes and connections,” they shrugged, “It doesn’t take a profiler to know I’m an outsider.”

“M, listen, you’re an agent and member of this team as much as anyone else here. Technically, I’m not even part of this team anymore. You wouldn’t be part of this team if we didn’t want you here,” I offered my hand, “Come on.”

They took my hand and I pulled them to their feet. We walked back over to the group, where M was, as I expected, immediately brought into the group, everyone joking and laughing with them.

I glanced at my watch and, spotting the time, quietly excused myself, walking back towards the elevators. I walked to my classroom quietly, turning on the lights and preparing myself for yet another catch-up class to make up for the lost days from my time in court. I felt bad for my students; it really wasn’t fair that my personal drama affected their training, but I also knew that they were devoted to the FBI and would put in the work needed to stay on track.

The class came in and began to settle, a few students walking up to welcome me back. When everyone was quiet, I took a deep breath and began.

“Good morning, everyone. I apologize for my absence this week, but I was dealing with the court case regarding the kidnapping of my husband, which I’m sure you’ll all remember. Luckily, the case went speedily, and I’m back.” _And that’s all I’m going to say about that._ “Now, today we’re going to talk about discussing interrogations in court.”

_Just my luck._

***

Spencer and I decided that, as much as we loved Rossi’s cooking, we wanted to go to a real restaurant. JJ took the kids for the night, and Spencer and I dressed up for our date. Spencer wore a suit and jacket, while I wore a long one-sleeve dress that highlighted my curves (plus, couldn’t wear a bra with it, which Spencer loved). We elected to not do anything sexual, but simply have a night together to relax.

Rossi had set the menu for us and had apparently specifically instructed the wait staff to give us the VIP treatment. There was already wine at our table when we sat, and appetizers were brought out quickly: grilled eggplant in some kind of reduction with a fancy cheese (I couldn’t understand half the words the waiter used, but it was delicious).

The night felt a bit like a fairy tale, glittering chandeliers above us and the quiet piano music of the live musician filling the room. Though we’d never pick this place ourselves, it was wonderful to just relax and have time together.

“Did you ever expect this?” I asked. “When you asked me to be your play partner years ago, did you ever think we’d be married with three kids?”

Spencer shrugged. “I hoped that we’d become more than casual partners, but… I don’t know. There’s a part of me that really wanted to have kids, and there’s a part of me that’s still terrified about passing on my issues or messing it up.”

I nodded.

“But I don’t regret it,” he continued. “None of it. Except… maybe pretending I wasn’t in love with you for as long as I did.”

“That’s on both of us,” I smiled and lifted my glass, “To finally admitting our feelings.”

“To words better left said,” Spencer agreed, touching his glass lightly to mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!  
> #sorrynotsorry for the cliffhanger mwahaha  
> also there will be some soft smut next chapter :)


	15. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer's birthday and some smut, some fluff
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF S*XUAL A**AULT

We had considered fucking when we got home, but we were drunk and tired and instead collapsed in bed, a tangle of limbs and drunk laughter and kissing. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I do remember his hand in my hair, murmuring things I could barely make out with my ear against his chest.

We were able to sleep in, only waking up when the light was fully shining through the window and into our eyes. I groaned and curled into Spencer’s chest, trying to hide from the sun for just a little longer.

I could hear Spencer laugh as he ran one hand down my side, resting on the small of my back. “We do have to get up at some point, sweetheart.”

“Fuck that,” I muttered, “I’m staying here forever.”

“Okay,” he kissed my forehead, “I’m okay with that.”

I hummed and snuggled closer, “Fuck our jobs with the FBI, I just want this.”

“We do have kids though,” Spencer sighed, “We do have a legal obligation to take care of them.”

I sighed, “Spoilsport.”

***

“Spencer,” I whispered against his lips as he ground down against me. “Stop teasing me.”

“But it’s so fun when you get desperate,” I could hear the smile in his voice even though my eyes were closed.

“Spencer Reid, if you don’t fuck me right now I will tie you up and ride you into next week,” I growled.

He kissed me once more before moving down so his mouth was between my legs, his breath hot against my clit. “Such a pretty little pussy, you’re so wet for me.”

I whined. “Just- just make me feel good, Spence, stop playing.”

His tongue flicked over my clit, making me twitch. I could _feel_ his smile as he teased me. He knew I was desperate for him; it had been too long, and I needed him.

“You know what I want from you,” Spencer whispered, “Just let go.”

“Please, please just make me feel good, stop teasing me, dammit Spencer,” I let the words out in a rush.

“Good girl,” he hummed.

I melted at the praise, only tensing again when he latched onto my clit, unceasing in his efforts to pleasure me. I let him rearrange us, so my legs were on his shoulders, his hands on my hips pulling me closer.

“Fuck, Spence,” I knew better than to hold back my sounds; he’d tease me until I screamed if I did.

He pulled back, “Is there a problem?”

I whined, “No, just- please, please don’t stop, please make me cum.”

“As you wish,” he moved back, tongue moving faster than before, knowing exactly how to get me close.

My breath caught in my throat as I fought to hold back my orgasm. “Sp- Spence- please- I want to-”

“Cum for me,” Spencer pulled back for barely a second.

Every muscle in my body clenched as I came, moaning, breathing hard as my legs shook. Spencer didn’t stop until I reached down and pulled him away from my clit and into a deep kiss, moaning at the taste of myself on his tongue.

“You’re so sexy, you know that?” I hummed as I kissed behind his ear.

Spencer whined at the touch, “You too.”

I reached between us, stroking him as we kissed. I could hear in the way he breathed that he was desperate to feel me around him and shifted us, so he was leaning against the headboard and his cock was just barely brushing across my pussy, teasing us both.

“Ma’am,” Spencer gasped, eyes fluttering, “Please let me be inside you.”

I smirked a little at how quickly the dynamic had changed as I sank down, both of us moaning. Spencer’s fingers dug into my hips as I slowly began riding, finding a comfortable pace. I knew that Spencer was already aroused from pleasuring me and he wasn’t going to last long, but I also knew he would wait until I was ready to cum before allowing himself to.

I brought one hand to Spencer’s throat, squeezing lightly, making him gasp and buck up, his eyes closing.

“Ma’am I- I’m not going to last long,” he managed.

I kissed him, not letting go, “Tell me before you cum, sweetheart.”

He nodded quickly, his hands moving from my hips to dig into the sheets. I began rubbing my clit with my free hand, hips jerking as I moaned at how sensitive I was. Spencer began thrusting up to match my pace, chasing his orgasm.

“I’m close, Spence,” I managed.

Almost before I finished my sentence, he was pushing my hand to the side, fingers moving against my clit quickly, bringing me right to the edge of my orgasm.

“Can I?” he couldn’t even finish the sentence between his breaths.

I pulled him close until our lips were almost touching, “Cum with me, Spencer.”

He closed the distance to kiss me as we came together, his fingers moving jerkily against my clit, my hand tightening around his throat as we thrust against each other.

As I felt Spencer relax, I released him, allowing him to fall back against the headboard. I leaned forward to lay on his chest, not bothering to move off him.

“I love you,” I murmured, smiling.

“I love you too,” he kissed my forehead.

Once I felt able to stand, I walked to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, tossing it to Spencer. He wiped himself off before leaning forward to help me wipe down my legs, careful to be gentle.

After we were both clean, we settled underneath the covers, smiling and kissing, just happy to be with each other.

***

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Spencer,” we all held different notes, making Spencer cringe, “Happy birthday to you!”

The team and kids erupted into cheers as Spencer closed his eyes, made a wish, and blew out the candles on the cake.

I bent down and kissed Spencer on the cheek, “Happy birthday, my love.”

“Thank you,” he turned and kissed me. “I love you.”

“Stop sharing cooties and cut the cake!” Jenna called.

Spencer laughed and began dividing the cake into slices, taking orders from different people as to which slice they wanted – some pieces had more icing than cake while others had barely any, since we’d left the decoration to Maeve and Tobias.

Spencer and I shared a piece piled high with icing, taking turns feeding each other bites. Once we were done with cake, it was time for presents. Maeve insisted on bringing over each present and announcing who it was from.

“This one is from Uncle Hotch!” she put it in Spencer’s lap.

“Can I open it now?” Spencer teased.

Maeve nodded seriously. “Be careful, the wrapping is pretty.”

Spencer laughed and obeyed, carefully undoing the tape and opening the wrapping. It was a box set of Harry Potter in Russian, one of the few languages he didn’t have it in yet.

“Will you read it to us?” Tobias asked from his position on Penelope’s lap.

“Of course,” Spencer smiled.

Penelope gave Spencer a watch with a clear glass casing so you could see the movement of the gears inside. Emily gave him two temperature-control mugs to keep his coffee warm for longer; “one for home and one for the office”. She’d clearly coordinated with JJ and Will, who bought him a travel espresso maker with a special compartment for grounds. Jenna gifted him a new, theft-preventing messenger bag (although I knew Spencer wouldn’t use it in favor of his old, half-dead one). M gave him the first box of a year-long chocolate-of-the-month subscription – “Not for both of you, just for Reid,” they said sternly. Rossi bought a fully automated coffee machine that he could set to brew at a certain time and mix in sugar and milk as programmed. Morgan gave him a set of Scottish wool sweaters, specifically telling me “these are for Reid, not for you to steal at bedtime.”

“My present is waiting for you in our bedroom,” I whispered as Spencer finished unwrapping his presents.

He blushed and nodded.

***

I led Spencer back to the bedroom that evening, smiling and kissing his neck.

I smiled at him, hand on the door, “Ready?”

Spencer nodded eagerly.

I smiled and opened the door. The lights were already on, and inside was…

“Deanna?” Spencer gasped. “I- uh- what are you doing here?”

I couldn’t help it; I broke down laughing as they hugged.

“That was mean, mom,” Deanna told me, “I can guess what you told him.”

I snorted, “I’m not apologizing.”

***

I curled around Spencer, my head on his chest, fingers tracing endless patters on his hips.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Spencer asked, his voice resonating against my ear.

I shrugged. “Just thinking about how I can never show my face at a play party ever again.”

“Why not?” He sounded surprised.

“How can I?” I looked up at him. “The images Daniel had of you, of _us_ , some of them were from the parties. I can never feel safe there.”

“I’m sure Amanda will be disappointed.”

“Amanda let that bitch into her party,” I spat. “I don’t care how she feels.”

“You can’t blame her for not knowing,” Spencer argued.

“I absolutely can,” I countered. “A host is responsible for vetting their guests. The only reason she let you in is because she’s known me for years and knows how thoroughly I vet my partners. She should have been more careful.”

He had nothing to say to that.

***

It was another long case that week, one that stretched over the weekend and half of the next week. Spencer returned Wednesday late afternoon, immediately going home for a hot shower and a nap. I picked up the kids and met him there, where he greeted me with a deep kiss.

“I missed you,” he whispered against my lips.

I smiled, “I missed you too, darling.”

I could see it in his eyes; something was wrong. He could see the question on my lips but shook his head: _not in front of the kids._ We spent the evening helping them with homework before Spencer read them _Harry Potter_ at bedtime. I showered while he did, scrubbing off the pains of the day before crawling into bed, waiting.

When the twins were fully asleep, Spencer joined me. He laid his head on my chest where we stayed for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to break the soft silence.

“Do you want to talk about the case?” I finally asked.

Spencer sighed and shifted. “He was a child abuser. Single father who took in 9 boys. Systematically raped and killed each of them, and he’d been accused of assaulting exchange students he hosted.”

_How could you do that to children? Especially your own?_

“No one suspected him; he was a saint in the community. Even talking to him, he was so… so genuine, it seemed like he really cared. He…” Spencer was getting angry. “He mourned the children he killed. He sat there and prayed and _mourned_ for them as if their blood wasn’t on his hands. He cried as we talked to him. Even his own children could barely believe it was him.”

It was times like this when I didn’t regret leaving the BAU.

His voice was a shaking whisper. “I wanted to kill him. So did Hotch, and Morgan, and JJ; we would’ve, too. Emily and M, they held us back. Reminded us what we were risking.”

_How do I reassure Spencer when I know this man isn’t even close to the last one like him?_

“He said-” Spencer’s voice caught, his tone an awful combination of anger and pain. “He said his religion allowed him to. Claimed the scripture said that they were his children to whom he could do whatever he wanted.”

_No higher power would ever permit that._

He laughed a little. “I told him that if there is a G-d then she is a trans lesbian who would strike him down in an instant. He… he called me the f slur.”

“Spence,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

“A couple hours later, he tried to escape. Hit a guard and tried to make a run for it but messed up and went through the bullpen.” His voice was numb now. “I shot him in the head. Then, when he was on the ground, I emptied my gun in his crotch. Told him I was doing G-d’s work for her.”

_A just end._

“I don’t blame you, Spencer, and I’m sure no one else does,” I finally said. “He attacked you and then tried to escape. Maybe emptying what, 11 bullets into his crotch? Maybe that was excessive, but not uncalled for.”

“Hotch pointed out they could have suspended me for undue force.”

“And you know every member of that team would fight that with every bone in their body, because they protect their own,” I answered. “You’ve faced so much pain, Spencer. If it had been Hotch or Morgan he called that, you wouldn’t blame them for doing the same thing. Stop beating yourself up.”

***

I barely slept that night. Spencer was in and out of nightmares, calling out for me, for his mom, or just yelling for help. Every time, I woke him up and helped him calm down before softly singing him back to sleep, rocking him in my arms.

_Winston Churchill said, “Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”_

_I don’t think Mr. Churchill ever thought about the mistakes we’ll make if we focus too much on them; it can be a damage all on its own._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever, the beginning of the semester has swamped me. Hope you enjoy!


	16. Holiday Spirit (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and Christmas!  
> Contains some smut

Halloween came soon; JJ and Hotch took Maeve, Tobias, Jack, and Henry so Spencer and I could stay home to give out candy. We had more traditional costumes this time, though we still put the handcuffs to good use.

It seemed like just a blink after Halloween that Thanksgiving arrived; we hosted the entire team (at least, those who weren’t with other family for the holidays) and were buried in leftovers for days.

Deanna came home for Thanksgiving, bringing back several containers when she flew back to college.

There was an unspoken question hanging in the air; were we going to celebrate Hannukah? Christmas? Both? Neither? It would be impossible to keep the kids away from the holiday season completely, so what were we going to do? Last year, we hadn’t made as big of a deal out of the holidays; Deanna was still adjusting, and it was her first Christmas without her parents. Plus, Spencer’s kidnapping had happened soon after, which dampened the holiday spirit.

Spencer answered the question I’d been too afraid to ask when he rummaged through the closet and pulled out a small box covered in crushed leather. He undid the clasp on the front to reveal a menorah, polished but clearly unused.

“It’s from Germany,” he said after a moment. “One of the few that wasn’t melted down during the Holocaust. It’s a family heirloom. My great-grandmother, she knew the Nazis were coming. She put it in this box, hid it under the floorboards and put wood all around it so it wouldn’t sound hollow, and prayed they wouldn’t find it. My grandmother survived the camps, went back to their home and found it before coming here. It was given to my mother, who gave it to me when I went to college. She told me that, no matter how old I was or where I was, it was always a reminder of the strength of our family and that miracles can happen.”

I reached out to run my fingers over the detailed Hebrew lettering. “It’s beautiful.”

“I haven’t lit in years, and I certainly never hoped for miracles.” he bit his lip. “I clean it regularly, clearly, but… I never felt the need to light. Not until now, for them.”

_For our children._

“I’d be honored to light with you, Spencer Reid.” I kissed his cheek.

“I found my miracle, too,” he smiled and turned to me, setting the menorah aside. “I never would have dreamed that I would find someone like you. Someone so supportive, so loving, so… _perfect._ You have never stopped amazing me as long as I have known you. As cheesy as it is, the fact that you love me… to me, it’s a miracle.”

I kissed Spencer, deeply, hoping I could convey everything I couldn’t put into words. The love I felt for him, the hope I had for us, the pride in being his wife and having children together.

“Hey, Spencer?” I asked as I pulled away. “I’m in love with you.”

He laughed, “I’m in love with you too, (Y/N).”

***

We lit the candles and placed the menorah in the window; “Part of the commandment is to let those who don’t light themselves see the light of it,” according to Spencer.

Since the holiday was ‘commercialized’, it was tradition to give presents every night. Spencer and I had decided to give small presents every night of Hannukah, with only a few larger presents on Christmas.

Tobias and Maeve _insisted_ that we needed to get presents for them on Christmas, so they begged JJ to take them shopping. I passed her my credit card and winked; she promised they’d be out for a while.

Spencer and I had already finished our shopping, but we spent a good part of the afternoon wrapping the presents. Well, Spencer wrapped the presents because I apparently didn’t do it right, while I sat on the bed and pointed out the tiny mistakes he made.

“You’re such a brat,” Spencer laughed.

I smirked, “Where do you think I learned it from?”

***

“Okay, since this is the last class of the semester, you’re all prepared for the 4-hour-long comprehensive exam, right?” I asked as class began.

The lecture hall was a sea of ghost-white, terrified faces, but I couldn’t keep a straight face. I snorted and the spell was broken.

“I’m kidding, there’s no exam. All of you have proven yourselves, and I’m recommending you all move on to training in the spring.” I smiled at the class. “I’m proud of all of you and how you’ve advanced throughout the semester. In light of that, we’re all going to chill and have cookies baked by me and my kids.” I gestured towards the container on my desk. “I will warn you, some of the gingerbread men are a bit deformed.”

The entire class laughed and formed a line to take cookies; I had made sure to bring in extra cookies for those with allergies. We sat in a circle on the stage and discussing training moving forward, holiday plans, and whatever else the students felt like; they deserved a break.

Close to the end of the class, one of the more shy students raised his hand. “Agent?”

I raised an eyebrow, “Yes?”

“We’ve never actually seen pictures of your kids; do we finally get to?”

I was surprised, since I loved showing off family pictures, but immediately nodded and crossed over to my computer. The entire class turned to the screen as I pulled up pictures, including the kids’ birth announcements, pictures of the day Deanna moved in, and a few we took at Spencer’s birthday party. The entire class cooed at the babies and smiled at the pictures of us.

“You look so happy with them,” one student remarked.

I blushed a little. “I am, they make me really happy.” I glanced down at my watch. “Anyways, it’s time for you all to go home and put on some extra holiday weight, so I’ll see you in January. Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanza, and enjoy the time off.”

***

Spencer flew to Las Vegas after the last case the team handled to fly back with his mom. I’d volunteered to go with him, but he insisted I stay to take care of the kids, and he’d be back in a day anyways. I went shopping and brought back a massive amount of food, since Spencer and I had insisted on being the ones to host Christmas Eve dinner as well.

Spencer and Diana flew back and arrived around the same time as Deanna, so they all drove home together. Diana and Deanna had only met briefly before, but they got along grandly, talking and laughing; Deanna was patient and kind about Diana’s problems, never even seeming annoyed at anything Diana said or did, no matter how odd it was.

Deanna was sleeping in the kids’ room with them for the few days Diana was with us; she’d refused to even consider making her grandmother sleep in a hotel.

Spencer, Deanna, Diana, and I spent the better part of three days in the kitchen, preparing a feast for the entire team. We put up the Christmas tree and put out presents, and Diana played with her grandchildren while Spencer and I rearranged the living and dining rooms to fit the extra tables we needed for the large dinner.

The night before Christmas Eve, Spencer and I cuddled on the couch, sipping tea and talking. I had my head on Spencer’s shoulder, my legs tucked under me, a warm mug in my hands. Spencer had one arm around me, his hand resting lightly on my hip, while his other hand kept his mug steady.

“We have a family together,” I sighed happily. “I’m with the man of my dreams, and I have a family with him.”

I could hear the smile in Spencer’s voice without even looking up. “And I’m with the woman I love more than anything.”

***

Christmas Eve was chaotic; we were all cooking, running after the kids, cleaning the house, and making sure everything was perfect for that night. We’d elected not to force the kids into itchy holiday clothes, instead allowing them to wear their comfy holiday pajamas.

It was, luckily, one of Diana’s better days, and she recognized the team from the photos Spencer sent. She greeted everyone with a smile, asking them questions about how they were doing (both Spencer and I were surprised he remembered that much about them). The only people she didn’t recognize were Jenna and Elle, unsurprisingly.

Dinner was a combination of traditional Christmas and Hannukah foods, plus whatever else we felt like cooking. We basically played musical chairs throughout the night, swapping chairs between courses to be able to talk to each other. The kids ran in and out the nursery, living, and dining rooms, but we’d hidden anything dangerous or fragile.

JJ and Will took Henry home early; Hotch and Jack followed soon after. Maeve and Tobias fell asleep, and Diana took her leave soon after. The rest of us sat around in the living room, talking. Morgan and Penelope kept shooting weird looks at Elle, while Spencer completely avoided eye contact, but all three refused to provide any explanation.

Eventually, everyone went home, leaving Spencer and I to finish cleanup and preparation for the next day. After stuffing the stockings, we made our way to bed, being careful not to wake the kids or Diana. We closed the door quietly and got ready for bed, smiling and kissing. We settled into bed before I turned to my bedside table, pulling out a wrapped box.

“It’s not Christmas yet,” Spencer said, confused.

I laughed, “Just open it, consider it my Christmas Eve present.”

Spencer pouted but agreed. He carefully undid the tape and pulled the wrapping off, then blushed deeply.

I smiled and kissed his cheek, “It’s already charged if you want to use it, baby.”

Still silent, Spencer nodded, passing the box to me. It was a special vibrator set; a matching cock ring and clitoral vibrator, both controlled via phone – and they vibrated in synch. As I opened the box, Spencer pulled his boxers off eagerly, then reached for my hips.

“May I take off your underwear, Mistress?” he asked.

I nodded and shifted my hips to allow him to take them off. I took my phone off the nightstand and opened up the app (already connected to both toys) before pulling Spencer into a deep kiss and reaching down to stroke him. Spencer whimpered against my lips.

“Do you want to play, baby?” I asked with a small smile.

He nodded, “Please, Mistress.”

His voice sounded so weak and desperate, already so needy for me. I smiled and reached down to put the cock ring on, continuing to kiss Spencer as he waited eagerly.

“Mistress?” Spencer asked shyly, “I want to pleasure you while you play with me.”

I smiled and gripped his hair tightly, “Beg to pleasure me, little slut.”

“Please, Mistress, please let me pleasure in you, please play with me while I make you feel good,” Spencer was struggling to keep quiet. “Please.”

I nodded and handed him the vibrator before settling back against the headboard. Spencer eagerly began working with his tongue, just holding the vibrator until I decided to turn it on. After a few seconds, I reached over and turned both vibrators on. Spencer gasped and hummed against me, grinding down against the bed as he brought the vibe to my clit, expertly combining the movements of the tongue and the toy.

“So good for me, little pet,” I hummed, “You’re such an obedient whore for me.”

After so long together, Spencer knew exactly how to pleasure me, how to make myself feel good and knew exactly what the sounds I made meant. He had me on the edge almost as fast as I would myself with a vibe, and he knew better than to tease me.

“Spencer, right there,” I gasped, struggling to keep my voice down. “Don’t stop.”

I turned up the vibrator, and I was biting my lip _hard_ trying to keep my voice down. He shifted a little and moaned against me, and I came, frantically grabbing a pillow to put over my face, muffling my moans.

“Fuck,” I was panting, “So- so good for me, such a good little pet.”

Spencer’s smile was obvious even though his mouth was still latched against my pussy; I could see it in his eyes. I turned up the vibrators again, making his hips jerk against the sheets, legs tensing.

Spencer made me cum at least two more times, until my legs were shaking, and I couldn’t keep myself quiet anymore. I pulled him away and into a deep kiss, loving the taste of myself on his lips and tongue. He shifted so he was straddling my hips, clearly begging me to touch him.

“Use your words, little one,” I whispered against his lips.

“Ma’am, please touch me,” he matched my quiet tone. “Please, I’ve been so good for you.”

I turned the vibrators up to the highest setting (well, his; I’d turned mine off) and began stroking him slowly, knowing it wasn’t nearly enough to make him cum.

“Mistress!” Spencer buried his face in my neck, biting my shoulder in an attempt to keep his voice down. “Please, please go faster, please make me cum.”

I sped up, pulling Spencer into a kiss, my fingers tugging on his hair.

“P- please-”

I smiled, “Cum for me, Spencer.”

That was all it took; almost immediately, he was gasping and bucking up into my hand, cum spurting over us both. Spencer was panting as I slowed down, holding him close to me.

“Thank you, Mistress,” he smiled at me, “Thank you.”

I kissed his cheek, “Happy Christmas, Spencer Reid.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” he blushed.

I helped him clean up and we settled down, cuddling against each other. We knew the kids would try to wake up early, and we’d told them they had to wake us up before opening presents, so we needed all the sleep we could get.

***

“PRESENTS!!!” Came the yell, combined with the sound of small fists hammering against our door. “WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!”

I laughed and shook Spencer’s shoulder, standing up and pulling on my holiday-themed pajamas before walking over to the door. Spencer pulled his pajamas on and nodded at me, and I opened the door.

Immediately, Maeve and Tobias rushed in, tacking Spencer and me. “WE GOT PRESENTS!!!”

I laughed, “Do you want to go open them up?”

They both nodded eagerly. I smiled at Deanna, who was leaning against the doorframe, smiling, in her own snowflake pajamas. Diana was just coming out of the other bedroom, looking a little confused.

I glanced at Spencer, who was obviously concerned, and nodded, silently giving him permission to go and check on her; _I’ll handle the kids. You take care of your mom._

Deanna and I led Maeve and Tobias to the living room, starting to get breakfast out. The younger kids were bouncing with excitement, but I could see a tinge of sadness on Deanna’s face.

“Hey,” I said quietly, leading her off to the side. “What’s wrong?”

She shrugged, “I- It still feels weird to have Christmas without my parents, and it’s my first in a long time with a grandmother. It just feels strange, I guess.”

“If you need to take some time to yourself, then just step away, we’ll all understand,” I assured her, “I love you, Deanna.”

“I love you too, mom,” she hugged me. “Presents?”

I looked over to see Spencer guiding Diana to the couch and nodded. “Presents.”

***

After presents, we drove around the city, admiring the lights and the giant trees. We took the kids ice skating (Diana took pictures, while Deanna lapped us at impressive speeds). Driving home, it began snowing lightly, becoming heavier as we rushed inside, coating everything in a silent layer of pure white. We bundled up and began making snow angels and a snowman until Spencer gasped and turned, seeing Deanna grinning with the remains of the snowball she’d just thrown covering her gloves.

“Oh, you’re on,” he laughed, bending down to make a snowball.

Deanna shrieked and began running away, frantically making a snowball as she did, but I was already prepared, throwing a snowball at her with deadly aim, hitting her on the neck, making half the snow go down her jacket.

Maeve and Tobias, who were already up to their knees in snow, struggled to make snowballs, but we were all careful to miss them with larger snowballs, only hitting them with light, soft throws.

We were all running around and laughing (we’d carved out enough footsteps in the snow that Maeve and Tobias could move) when I suddenly had a sinking feeling in my stomach as I lined up a throw towards Spencer, whose back was to the road.

“Spencer, down!” I screamed.

In an instant, Spencer dropped as a car window rolled down and a hand with a gun pointed out, putting three bullets exactly where his head had been. I ran towards Tobias, who was closer to me, pulling him down beneath the cover of the snow as Deanna sprinted to protect Maeve.

There were no more gunshots; the van kept going, the window rolling back up as I held Tobias against my chest, eyes locked, struggling to remember the license plate. As soon as the car disappeared, I ran towards Maeve and Deanna, checking on them both. To my relief, they were both okay, just scared.

“Deanna, bring them both inside, and take them and Diana into your room; your window doesn’t face the street,” I said in a rush, “Now.”

She immediately ran inside with them both, leaving me to rush over to Spencer; he’d dropped face-first into the snow. I knelt down as he turned over, gasping for breath, face red from the cold.

“Spence?” I asked, voice shaking in fear. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, “Falling into the snow quickly stings, but I’m not hurt.”

I laughed a little, “Let’s get inside.”

“Did you get the plate?”

I nodded, reciting it, knowing he’d only need to hear it once.

We rushed inside, grabbing our phones and walking into Deanna’s room, where she and Diana were trying to comfort the twins, who were crying, clearly scared. Spencer and I helped comfort them, rocking them as they slowly calmed down.

“Deanna, call Hotch,” I said quietly as I held Maeve close to me.

She nodded, pulling out her phone and dialing – I knew she had him on speed dial. “Hey, it’s me, uh- I’m just going to pass the phone to mom.”

I took the phone, shifting Maeve onto my hip, “Hey, Hotch.”

“What’s going on?” He sounded worried.

“Someone just shot at Spencer. We got a license plate. We were outside, they drove by and fired several rounds. We’re all okay, we’re in Deanna’s room,” I said in a rush.

“Okay,” he sighed, “Merry Christmas to us, I guess. Stay there, I’ll send over agents. I’ll call you when they arrive, don’t answer the door until I tell you.”

“Okay.”

“Text Garcia the license plate, I know she has the capabilities to track it at home. I’ll call the rest of the team.”

“Understood.”

“Is Spencer okay?”

I looked over at him. He had Tobias against his chest, whispering to him, rocking gently. “I think so. It’s hard to tell right now.”

“Okay. And Diana?”

I sighed, “As okay as she can ever be.”

“I’ll have agents there ASAP.” I could hear the determination in Hotch’s voice. “Stay safe.”

“Thank you.” I hung up and passed the phone back to Deanna.

***

Less than 10 minutes later, Hotch called again to tell us there were agents at the door. I took my gun and slowly walked towards the door, checking and asking for badge numbers before opening the door.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N)?” They asked.

I nodded. “Thank you for coming so quickly.”

“It’s our job, Agent,” the agent offered his hand, “My name is Jason Bishop.”

“Thank you for coming, Agent Bishop.” I smiled and shook his hand.

“I’d like to take your family’s statements, if that’s alright with you,” he beckoned the two other agents in. “These are my colleagues, Agents Trevor Price and Harper Knott.”

“Thank you both for coming,” I smiled. “Who would you like to talk to?”

“You, your husband, and I believe Agent Hotchner mentioned you have an adult daughter?”

“She’s almost 18, yes,” I answered. “My mother-in-law is also here, but she was inside.”

“If she can take care of your younger children during this process, that would be preferrable.”

I nodded and retreated to the bedroom to get Spencer. He looked up from his phone, “What are the agents’ names?”

“Jason Bishop, Trevor Price, and Harper Knott.” I answered. “Checking with Hotch and Garcia?”

He nodded, typing quickly.

“Deanna, the agents want to talk to you as well as us,” I gestured towards myself and Spencer, “Diana, are you okay with the kids?”

She nodded, “As long as you’re close if I need you.”

“Those are the agents Hotch sent, and Garcia confirmed,” Spencer interjected, “We’re okay. Mom, try to stay in here unless you need us.”

“Of course, Spencer,” she smiled.

***

It took less than half an hour to report what had happened to the agents. They finished, thanking us and leaving just as the team arrived. Hotch was the first through the door, thanking the agents as they left before turning to us.

“Garcia’s at the office, she wanted all her equipment at her disposal,” he explained. “Where are the others?”

I gestured towards Deanna’s bedroom. I knew it would be hard to speak without breaking down into tears. The rest of the team walked back to the room to check in on them as I walked to the couch, needing to sit down.

“I know it’s difficult right now, but we need to move as quickly as possible to figure out what happened,” Hotch said, sitting across from me.

I nodded, “I gave the agents and Garcia the license plate, I didn’t get a face. They also collected the bullets; they’re bringing them to forensics now.”

“I heard, Agent Bishop said he would let me know as soon as they have anything.” Hotch nodded.

Spencer held both my hands in his, his thumb running over the back of my hand. I took a few shaky deep breaths, then stood.

“I need to check on the kids.”

***

“We got a hit on the bullets and the license plate, they’re tracking them down now,” Hotch explained.

“Are we going to be okay?” Maeve asked from her position on my hip. “You look scared.”

I smiled, “You really are your parents’ kid, sweetheart. Yeah, we’ll be okay.”

“My ears hurt,” Tobias added, “The car was loud.”

I was relieved they hadn’t seen the gun; they’d just seen Spencer drop into the snow before Deanna and I ran to protect them. Even so, I knew I couldn’t protect them forever.

“Someone tried to hurt me with a gun, it wasn’t the car that was loud,” Spencer said before I could say anything.

“Oh.” Maeve said.

Tobias stayed silent. There was no proper way to react to that, and they’d already seen Spencer in danger before; as much as it hurt, this wasn’t the first time it had happened.

“We’re doing everything we can to find the people that tried to hurt him,” Hotch added.

_And until then, we’re stuck at Quantico. Again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter (for the most part)


	17. I Promised I'd Always Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team goes off without you.  
> When it's Spencer's life on the line, how much will you risk?

JJ and Hotch drove to our house to get supplies for a couple days. We set up in a few spare offices; Spencer and I were in one, Tobias and Maeve were in another, and Deanna was in a third; she still had a week and a half before she was supposed to go back to school. Diana was escorted home by agents; we couldn’t risk having her in danger.

Spencer and I sat as the inflatable mattress slowly grew, his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair almost without thinking. He snuggled closer, humming happily.

“My cute prince,” I leaned down to kiss him.

He blushed, “Thank you.”

We worked quickly to make the bed and climbed in together; the twins were already asleep, so we were able to have some time alone. I wrapped around Spencer, one leg over his hips.

“(Y/N)?” He whispered.

I hummed.

“Are-” he took a deep breath, “Are we going to be okay?”

My heart broke at his words. We’d been through so much together, and he sounded so small, so scared.

“I… I don’t know, Spencer. I think so, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure we can be okay, but I can’t be sure.” Saying that broke my heart.

“Okay…” He pushed back into me, pulling me closer. “I love you.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek, “I love you too, Spencer.”

***

I had to teach like everything was normal. I kept staring at my students, wondering if any of them had a gun, if any of them was targeting me or my husband. I knew my students could tell something was off; after all, they were profilers.

After class, I rushed over to the BAU’s offices and into the briefing room. “Anything?”

Garcia looked up. “Yeah, I’ll brief you.”

“Where’s the rest of the team?” I asked, sitting down.

“Sit down, I’ll brief you.”

I sat down slowly, worried.

Penelope handed me a folder. “Okay. Meet Gabriel Talbot, 31 years old, born in DC but lived in Vegas.”

 _Oh, shit._ I could guess where this was going.

“Yeah, so he went to school with Spencer for a few years. Kind of a one-sided rivalry, apparently; Spencer barely remembers him. Gabriel, on the other hand, never forgot, apparently tracked Reid obsessively to the point where we’ve identified no fewer than five social media accounts used to stalk him.”

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. “So, what happened recently?”

“Apparently Talbot went MIA for a while, we haven’t figured out why. He recently resurfaced and found out about you two,” Garcia reached over to flip the page for me, showing a photo of the van that had passed our house. “Bought that secondhand, changed the plates, and bought a gun. Decided he wanted to kill Reid on Christmas.”

“That doesn’t explain why the team isn’t here,” I looked up at Penelope, “Just give me a straight answer.”

“We received a call from him earlier, while you were in class. Told us where he was, said he wanted Spencer to come alone. He said he had a mole in your class, that he’d kill you and Spencer if we told you before he left,” Garcia wouldn’t meet my eyes. “The team is following him.”

I shot up from my chair, “I’m going after him, now.”

“No, you can’t,” Penelope stepped towards the door, “There’s one more thing.”

“Tell me.”

“He’s got a sniper at each building entrance. We’re still figuring out exactly where they are. If you step foot outside the building, you’re dead.”

“How do we know they’re there?” I stepped towards Penelope, but she stood firm.

“We tossed a piece of paper out the door. Each one had a bullet through the middle. They’re there.”

I fell back into my chair. “I can’t do anything?”

Garcia shook her head. “I’m staying here, and so are you.”

“Can we track him?” I asked, expecting her to say no.

“He’s got a chip in his shoe,” she answered, “I’ll show you.”

_At least there’s that._

***

We watched the small blinking light on Penelope’s screen as it entered the building. We had no audio and no way in. The team was surrounding the building, but if he shot Spencer, we all knew there was nothing we could do.

“Mom?” I heard behind me. It was Deanna, sweater pulled close around her.

I walked towards her, “What?”

“I just put the twins down for a nap, they ran around the bullpen until they practically fell over,” she laughed a little. “I just had to carry them to the couch.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” I kissed her forehead, “Really. I’m sorry I’m so distracted.”

“Dad’s in the field without you, I understand.”

I bit my lip, considering my question. “How… how do you deal with us being in the field? After you already lost your parents once?”

“I trust you,” she answered simply. “You saved my life. I’ve seen you save other people’s lives. You saved Dad’s yesterday. I just have to believe that you’ll keep saving people.”

She made it sound so easy.

I wished it was.

“Both of you should probably come here,” Garcia said.

We rushed in. Garcia pointed to the screen. Spencer’s tracker seemed to be… walking out.

“What?” Deanna asked, “Isn’t that good?”

Garcia and I shook our heads in synch.

“Unsubs never let us go without a fight,” I explained, “Something went wrong. Spencer’s in danger.”

Garcia’s headset began ringing. She answered, “You’re on speaker, and there’s a child in the room.”

“Hi, Deanna,” that was Hotch’s voice. “I’m assuming it’s you. Garcia, are you seeing what we’re seeing?”

“Spencer just walked out?” She asked.

“Yeah. Something’s wrong.”

“You never take anything at face value, do you?” Deanna asked, shaking her head.

“Not if we want to survive,” Hotch answered darkly.

“Can you communicate with Reid?” I cut in.

“Shouting, yeah,” Aaron said.

“Okay. Deanna, for your sake, I’m going to ask you to leave.” I gave her a look. She didn’t argue, closing the door as I turned back to the speaker. “Okay, both of you have been with us, so I’m not going to beat around the bush. Hotch, you need to ask for a safeword.”

“On it.” We heard the _click_ of Hotch muting his mic. I paced back and forth in the small office as we waited.

There was another _click_ , and Hotch said, “Put (Y/L/N) on the headset, Garcia.”

She handed the headpiece to me as she transferred the call.

“What?” I asked. “What did he say?”

“He said you need to take his collar off.”

I froze. “What- what the fuck?”

There was yelling back and forth in the background. “He says… there’s one reason you’d need to take it off. He’s asking to use his key.”

“Hotch,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “There is one situation, other than a medical emergency, when we’ve discussed taking his collar off. And that’s if he relapses.”

Hotch let out a string of curses. “What do I do?”

“Tell him he’s not allowed to,” my mind was racing. “I need you to use your drill sergeant voice, Aaron. He is not permitted to remove his collar.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” _I’m not sure at all._

Hotch muted himself again. Garcia turned to me, worry in her eyes.

“I can guess what’s happening from context,” she said before I could speak. “What can I do for you?”

“Find some way into that building.”

Hotch unmuted himself, “He’s begging. He wants to take it off.”

“He’s not allowed to take it off,” I snapped. “He knows that. He _will not_ remove his own collar.”

“(Y/N)…” I could hear the hesitation in Hotch voice. “What if he drops?”

“We have to risk it.” I hated saying that. “It’ll be worse if the collar comes off.”

“Okay.”

 _Spencer, please hold on._ I wrapped my hand around my bracelet, silently praying.

“There’s a giant wine cellar or something, there’s an entrance about half a mile from where they are now,” Garcia said, “Who are we sending?”

I bit my lip. “M, Morgan, and JJ.” _Leave Dave, Aaron, and Emily. The most dominant of the group._

“I’ll tell them.” She picked up her phone, allowing me to stay on the line with Hotch.

Hotch unmuted again. “It’s getting worse. He’s crying… he can barely stand up. Whatever Gabriel did to him, it’s bad.”

“All he needed to do was give him the drugs. The rest is a domino effect.” I hated feeling useless. “Spencer will destroy himself.”

I could hear Hotch’s mind whirring, trying to figure out how to waste time while the rest of the team attempted to enter the building.

“Can you approach safely?” I asked.

“I can try. What do you want me to do?” Hotch was deferring to me; he trusted me to save Spencer. _My husband._

I told him in detail. I felt awful disclosing this much of our relationship, but I was desperate. _Spencer’s life matters more than anything else._

“You won’t be able to hear me once I start approaching,” Aaron’s voice echoed.

I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “I know.”

“Okay.” The line went dead.

I couldn’t be in that room any longer. I had to leave. I opened the door and fell into Deanna’s arms, barely choking out that Spencer was still alive before I broke down in tears, sinking to the floor.

***

Spencer’s POV

I hated the feeling of the drugs; it had been so long, but it felt so good. What made it worse was the weight around my neck, my promise to you.

_You bit your lip. I’d never admit it to you, but I found that so hot; your look of concentration, considering what you were about to say, so careful in your phrasing. “How do you feel about having some kind of punishment for relapsing?”_

_I was scared at first, but I asked._

_“Removing your collar. Temporarily.”_

_I hated the way you said that. I knew it pained you to think about it as much as it pained me; this mark of our relationship, our bond, being removed._

_“I think it’s a good idea. It would keep me in line.”_

And now I was out of line, but it wasn’t my fault, but I’d had a choice. Gabriel had offered it to me: either I had to take a bullet wound and suffer physically or take the drugs and suffer psychologically. I took the drugs. I should have chosen differently.

I could see the team surrounding me; I put my hands up as tears streamed down my face. I watched Hotch put a phone to his ear. I knew he was calling you. A few seconds later, he took the phone away from his face.

“Spencer!” I heard him call.

He was less than 100 feet away. I wanted to run to him, but I wasn’t allowed to. I couldn’t even muster the strength to respond.

“Spencer, I need to know if you want to safeword.” Hotch continued.

_Of course, you’d ask it like that. You were always so careful, so precise in your language, never wanting to hurt me._

I sobbed, the tears only getting worse. “I…” _Please, no._ “I need to take off my collar. I need her to take my collar off.” The words hurt to say.

Hotch was on the phone with you again. I curled my arms around my chest, a desperate attempt at comforting myself. I needed _you._

“Why?” Hotch shouted.

 _No, please, don’t make me say it._ “She knows why. There’s only one reason why, other than a medical emergency. Please, let me use my key.”

It was always on my badge. I wanted to take the collar off; I’d disappointed you, hadn’t I?

Hotch’s voice was stronger, more commanding. More Dominant. “You are not permitted to remove your collar, Spencer.”

_You told him to say that, didn’t you?_

“Please!” My throat hurt from crying and screaming. “Please, please let me take it off.” _I need you to let me take it off._ “Please.”

You were on the phone with Aaron again; I could see as he straightened his back and took a deep breath.

“Spencer Walter Reid,” Hotch’s voice was powerful, cutting through all of my thoughts. “You will not remove your collar.”

_It wasn’t a question. It was an order, through him, from you. I could hear your voice echoing with his, saying those same words._

I froze. Almost unconsciously, I released my badge, refusing to consider touching the key. You were telling me not to; why would I dare disobey you? I watched as Hotch put his phone away and began approaching. I stared off at some point in the distance, pretending it was you. I needed you here. _Why aren’t you here?_ I heard shouting behind me, but I stood still. You hadn’t told me to move, after all.

I felt a hand on my arm. I knew it was Hotch’s, but in my mind, it was yours; his face blended with yours, his voice morphing.

“Spence,” he said. “I need you to listen to me.”

_It’s not you, why should I listen?_

“No,” I murmured. “You’re not-”

You – he? – cut me off. “I promised I’d always come home to you, Spencer. Now you need to do the same for me.”

 _That’s you. Everything’s okay. It’s you. You’re protecting me._ I nodded. “Okay.”

“Good boy,” he praised. “You’re doing so well for me, little one.”

_It’s you, but it isn’t, it’s Hotch, but it looks so much like so. It feels like you. Are there hallucinogens in these drugs?_

“On the count of three, you’re going to kneel for me, darling.” It was you. It had to be you. “Can you do that for me?”

I nodded again.

“One,” I saw your hand go to your hip, “Two,” you were pulling out your gun, “Three.”

I dropped to my knees. I doubt I could have stopped myself even if I wanted to. You took aim and fired in one smooth movement.

The world turned sideways, and the last thing I felt was you catching me and picking me up, carrying me away.

_It’s okay. You’re here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'll write smut soon


	18. How Strong You Are (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

I sped to the hospital so I could get there when the team did; I ended up arrived about 30 seconds before the ambulance. I watched, sobbing, as they unloaded the stretcher with Reid’s body from the ambulance; everyone was shouting for drugs or statistics, and I just wanted to hold my husband.

Deanna came with me, while Garcia watched the kids. She held me back, reminding me that the emergency responders needed to do their work. I hated that she was right.

I spotted Hotch and ran over, “What happened?”

He pulled me into a hug, “He’s okay. He just fainted.”

“He relapsed…” I scream-cried into his chest. I knew I was getting tears and snot all over his jacket, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. “I wasn’t there.”

“You couldn’t have been,” Hotch reminded me. “We saved him.”

“What happened?” I looked up at him. “Did it work?”

Hotch guided me to sit in the backseat of the van, allowing me to rest. “It worked. It was what you thought; Talbot was standing and watching. Spencer dropped without a second thought and I got him.”

I sighed in relief. “And the team?”

“Everyone’s okay. Barely a scratch,” Aaron smiled at me, “Really. It’s okay.”

***

It was the worst sense of déjà vu. I remembered after I was shot, how Spencer had spent hours, days, _weeks_ at my bedside, just waiting. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been there when Deanna, _our daughter_ , handed me a small plate of food and sat beside me.

“The doctor said there was a mild hallucinogen mixed in with the Dilaudid, as well as some morphine. Pretty awful combination, but nothing that will harm him long term,” she spoke softly. “Dad’s going to be okay.”

I’d been asked to take off his collar. I’d locked it around my own neck, waiting to return it, wishing it wasn’t there. I wrapped two fingers around it, like I did so often when it was on him.

“I don’t know exactly what yours and Dad’s dynamic is, and frankly, I know more than I wanted to,” Deanna joked, “But what I do know is that it saved him. You can’t keep beating yourself up. You knew what to do to save his life.”

“I should have been there.” I whispered.

“If you’d tried, you’d be dead.”

***

Luckily, it was not a repeat of my incident so many months ago. Spencer woke up the next day. His hand almost immediately went to his neck, tears beginning to form when his collar wasn’t there.

“Spence,” I rushed forward. “It’s okay. I’m here. I have it.”

He smiled, reaching out to touch the warm metal. “You’re here. It’s you.”

I nodded, “It’s really me, baby. I’m here.”

“I let you down,” he dropped his eyes, “I disappointed you.”

“Spencer Reid, you could never disappoint me,” I told him, leaning down to kiss him. “I will always be proud of how strong you are.”

***

The doctors had to do a full physical examination of Spencer while he was awake, so I had to leave. Standing outside the door was Hotch, looking as worried as I’d ever seen him.

“They’re just doing a physical, but he’s up and reciting facts,” I attempted a small smile. “He should be out soon.”

Hotch nodded. “Good.”

“Aaron, will you join me for some shitty hospital coffee in the cafeteria?” I offered my hand. “We need to talk.”

Hotch held back a smile and took my hand. We walked down to the cafeteria (where, surprisingly, there was a Starbucks) and sat down at a table in the corner.

“Hotch, you did what I asked you to.” There was no use beating around the bush. “I asked you to take on a sexually dominant role in order to help my husband, and you did, and I owe you for that.”

“I did what I needed to in order to help my team,” he answered automatically.

“You forced yourself into a potentially uncomfortable situation, and I’m sorry I had to ask you to do that.” I looked him in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Aaron, truly. I was desperate, and I wasn’t thinking about how it would affect you.”

He returned my gaze. “I’ve done it before, as I’m sure you remember. Besides, I could have said no. I trust you when it comes to your husband. I trust you when it comes to this team. I trust you with my submission, (Y/N), and that’s something that I hold so close to myself not even Hayley knew about it. You told me what I needed to do to help my friend, so I did it. Don’t apologize.”

“Are you sure?”

He n0dded. “I’m sure. Now, before we go upstairs, I suggest you get your husband some over-sugared coffee.”

I laughed. “This is why they pay you the big bucks, for ideas like that.”

***

“So the shooting was a set-up?” I asked.

Emily nodded, “As far as we can tell, Talbot wasn’t intending to actually hit Spencer in the first place on Christmas. He had a suspicion it would drive you into Quantico, where he had more control.”

“He did his research,” Spencer sighed. “He was thorough.”

“Damn, pretty boy, even your creeps are clever bastards,” Morgan teased.

_It doesn’t make sense, though. Why would he release Spencer?_

“Everyone, the section chief has given us three weeks off. Go home, get some rest, and spend time with your families. I don’t want to see any of you in the office until next month.” Hotch announced, looking around at us. “The case is closed, so go treat yourselves.”

The rest of the team stood and began preparing to leave, but I met Hotch’s eyes. He could see the question there; he had the same instinct I did. We silently walked to his office together.

I shut the door firmly. “This isn’t the end of this, and you and I both know it.”

“It was a test,” Hotch agreed. “I’m going to have a team search the entire building for anything. There’s something else going on here.”

“Why can’t our lives be simple?” I groaned.

“Welcome to the FBI, I’m Agent Hotchner,” Aaron teased, echoing some of his first words to me. “Get ready for a wild ride.”

***

I curled around Spencer, kissing his neck as I stroked him gently.

“Fuck,” he murmured, “How are you so good at that?”

“Years of practice,” I answered with a smile, moving to kiss him.

He hummed against my lips. “Are you sure you don’t need to practice more?”

Without breaking my stride, I reached up with my other hand to play with his nipple, making him gasp and buck up into my hand.

“I think I’m good,” I teased. “Maybe if you ask nicely, though, I’ll suddenly find the need to.”

It sounded so cheesy, but he laughed anyways. I continued stroking him and kissing, but I could practically _hear_ his thoughts, and I knew something else was on his mind.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” I asked as I licked behind his ear.

“Fuck, you’re unfair,” he groaned, “I was just- fuck, I was thinking about how I dropped to my knees for Hotch.”

I moved so I could look at him. “Thinking about it in what way?”

Spencer blushed so hard his cheeks almost matched the head of his cock. “Thinking about how I like just being a brainless toy for you.”

_How did he sound so innocent saying that?_

“If you want that baby, it can certainly be arranged,” I smiled and kissed him. “Is that what you want?”

I could tell there was something more.

“I want it to be you and Hotch and…”

“And who, my prince?” I asked, speeding up a little.

“Damn you,” he muttered, breath quickening as he struggled to stay focused. “You and Hotch and Prentiss and Morgan and Garcia, all of you.”

“You think you can handle all of us?” I raised an eyebrow.

Spencer whined. “I want to, I want to just be a toy for all of you.”

I could feel myself getting wetter at the thought. “Let’s talk about it in the morning, baby. If you’re still sure, I’ll talk to them, how’s that?”

He nodded, knowing that was protocol; no major scene decisions during sex.

“For now, though,” I shifted down to lick the precum off the head of his dick, “You’re all mine.”

“Yours!” Reid exclaimed as I began sucking, “I’m yours.”

“Keep your voice down, baby,” I laughed.

“I’m sorry,” Spencer lowered his voice, “I’ll be good and quiet.”

I hummed in approval as I took him all the way, hollowing my cheeks and swallowing around him.

“Oh, holy shit,” he said, struggling to keep quiet. “I missed this.”

He’d been in hospice for about a week, and considering our normal schedule, that was a long time. I knew he wouldn’t last long, but I didn’t care.

“Spencer, grab the vibe and remote,” I gestured towards my bedside table.

He nodded and took the small egg vibe, passing it to me but retaining the remote.

“You’re going to make me cum at least twice before we cum together, got it?” I knew I wouldn’t take long to cum, either.

He nodded. I reached down and slipped the vibe into my panties, angling my hips to push it against my clit so I could use my hands and mouth on Spencer. I moaned as Spencer turned the vibrator on, grinding down into the mattress as I sucked, bobbing my head up and down, one hand playing with his balls while the other ran up and down his thighs.

“Fuck-” Spencer pushed back into the pillows.

At the same time, his hand clenched around the remote, making me while as the toy sped up. My hips were jerking erratically, bringing me closer as I struggled to focus on Spencer.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” Spencer asked, looking down at me.

I couldn’t nod, but I blinked slowly in confirmation. Reid smiled and turned the vibrator up again, and my orgasm overtook me, making me shake and moan. I struggled to keep my jaw slack as my fingers dug into his thighs.

“That feels fucking amazing,” he groaned, thrusting up into my mouth. “Fuck, I love when you moan around me.”

I smiled up at him as I took him deep, my nose brushing his abdomen as I moaned.

“Shit- Keep that up and I won’t last until your third orgasm,” Spencer whined.

I moved away and raised and eyebrow, “What was that?”

He knew that tone; the ‘don’t-you-dare’, ‘you-won’t-cum-for-a-week’, ‘I-fucking-dare-you’ timbre that scared him in the best way.

“I’ll hold on, Mistress, I promise,” he whispered quickly.

I smiled and moved back down, knowing exactly how to tease him. In return, Spencer turned the vibe up again. I pushed down against the bed, chasing my second orgasm. I’d never admit it, but I was almost as desperate as Spencer; I hadn’t done anything the entire time he was in the hospital and wanted more than anything to spend every moment kissing every part of his body.

I hummed as Spencer ran his hands through my hair, guiding me without forcing me down. I let him take control, focusing on my own pleasure. I reached my second orgasm quickly, moaning.

“Fuck,” Spencer cursed, hands digging into the sheets, “I want to cum.”

I met his eyes. _Don’t you dare._

Desperate, Spencer turned the vibrator up as high as it would go. I whined and ground against the vibrator, gasping and moaning against Spencer’s cock, which made him buck up into my throat, fighting back his orgasm.

“Mistress,” he crooned, “Please, oh please, I- I need it, I’m so close!”

I pushed against the vibrator, feeling my orgasm approached. Just before it did, I tapped three times on his hip. _Cum with me._

My sounds were muffled by Spencer, but he had to grab a pillow and put it over his face to quiet his moans. I rode out my orgasm as I swallowed, waiting until Spencer’s legs were shaking before I pulled off. Spencer threw the pillow to the side.

“Holy shit, I missed that,” he laughed hoarsely.

I smiled and moved up, kissing him. “I missed you, Spence.”

***

Hotch was serious; I taught class, but there were no cases for the next three weeks. Spencer and I saw Deanna off and had plenty of alone time together. One afternoon, while the kids were at school, Spencer and I curled up on the couch, just enjoying time together.

“I can practically hear you thinking,” I smiled at him, “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Just thinking about the scene I mentioned the other night.”

“You still want that?” I asked.

He nodded, “If you’re okay with it.”

I smiled, “Let’s call them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be a massive gangbang next chapter, you're welcome in advance


	19. Mistress, Master, Daddy, Ma'am, Highness, Whore (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an orgy  
> That's it  
> Slight CNC? So trigger warning for that

“You’re sure about this?” I asked.

Spencer nodded, “I’m sure.”

I looked over at the others; they all assented.

I couldn’t hold back my smile. “Okay.”

***

I dropped out from the side alley I’d been waiting in, following closely behind Spencer. I knew he knew I was there, but I didn’t care.

The van came down the road. I sprinted forward, grabbing Spencer and throwing a hood over his head and shoving him into the now-open door of the van. He landed face-down, barely catching himself on his hands. I jerked his arms behind his back and cuffed them as Morgan closed the door.

“Drive,” I ordered.

“What’s going on?” Spencer’s voice shook. “Where are you taking me?”

“Shut up,” Emily snapped.

“I’m a federal agent, you can’t do this,” he tried.

“We said, shut up,” ordered Hotch.

“What color underwear is he wearing?” Penelope asked from the passenger seat. “A whore like that, he’s gotta be wearing something sexy.”

_Damn, Garcia has a mouth when she wants to._

Spencer tapped three times on the floor. At that signal, I jerked his pants down.

“Black,” Morgan said, “All lace, too.”

We fell silent as the drive continued. When the car screeched to a stop, Morgan, Prentiss, and I grabbed Spencer, shoving him inside the house. He put up a struggle, but we wrestled him into the bedroom and onto the bed.

As Spencer felt the bed, he curled up in fear.

“Dumb slut just realized what’s going on.” I laughed.

“Tie him up,” Hotch suggested, “I want a good look.”

Emily and I moved forward and tied his arms as Morgan and Hotch held his legs. We tied him up so tightly he couldn’t bend his arms or legs, as hard as he pulled.

“Pathetic,” Morgan laughed.

“Cut his clothes off, let’s see him.” Garcia suggested.

I passed Emily the scissors. She quickly cut his clothes off and threw them aside, leaving him bare.

“Such a pretty little pet,” Hotch hummed.

Spencer was shaking in fear.

“The little slut is scared,” I laughed. “Take his blindfold off, I want to see the fear in his eyes.”

Garcia walked forward, tugging it off.

“What color are his eyes?” I asked.

Spencer tapped the bed three times.

“Hazel,” Penelope answered once she was sure we’d all heard the confirmation.

“Listen closely, slut,” I stepped forward, “Here are the rules for however we decide to keep you.”

I saw the fear in his eyes, mixed with his trust for me.

“You will address me as Mistress. You will address him,” I pointed to Hotch, “As Master. You will call him,” Morgan, “Daddy. She,” I pointed to Penelope, “is Ma’am, and she,” Emily, “Your Highness.”

I waited for him to say anything, but he just watched as I paced back and forth.

“You will not speak unless spoken to, unless it is to ask to cum. You may not cum without permission. You will do what we say, when we say. You are our slave. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mistress.” He gulped.

“Good whore.”

“Look at how hard he is,” Hotch said. “He likes this.”

“I bet it won’t take long for him to beg for us,” Emily added.

“Oh, absolutely, I give it five minutes at most,” Morgan smirked, “Look at what a whore he is.”

Spencer was clearly about to say something but bit it back.

“The whore learns quickly,” I smiled. “So, who wants which hole first?”

“I want his throat,” Hotch said, “I want to feel him choke around me.”

“I want his ass,” Morgan added.

“Damn, I was hoping to take his ass,” Emily cursed.

I smiled at Spencer. “Who says you have to wait?”

He whimpered in fear.

“Tie him to the couch, legs bent. Give them easy access,” Garcia recommended.

We brought him over to the specially shaped couch. Hotch had already sat in the curve so that Spencer’s face was right in front of his growing bulge.

“He’s so fucking hard,” Emily slapped his ass. “The whore likes it.”

“Look at the color of his cheeks, he’s blushing,” Penelope added.

Even though his wrists were bound, Spencer managed to tap three times, never one to miss a check-in.

“I’ve been waiting for that pretty mouth long enough,” Hotch growled, “I’m going to make him cry.” He pushed his pants down, letting his cock spring free. “Open your mouth.”

Spencer refused.

Hotch slapped him, “I said, open your mouth, whore.”

I stood back, watching. Spencer barely parted his lips, but it was enough. Hotch grabbed Spencer’s jaw, forcing his mouth open, and forced the younger man down onto his cock. Spencer gagged, but took it, eyes watering.

“That’s it, you fucking whore,” Hotch pushed him further down, “Suck your Master’s dick.”

I motioned for Penelope to come over, allowing her to sit between my legs on the bed. I pushed her skirt down and ran my fingers up her slit, feeling how wet she was.

“You love watching this, don’t you?” I hummed in her ear. “You love seeing him suck Hotch’s dick?”

She moaned as I began circling her clit, nodding. I saw Spencer’s eyes dart over to us, but Hotch stopped him.

“Eyes on me.” He looked up at Morgan, “Start prepping his ass, I want to feel the slut moan on my cock.”

Morgan smirked and raised an eyebrow at me, “What do you think, should I prep him?”

I knew Spencer had worn a plug almost all day in preparation, so I shook my head. “No, I bet he’ll like the pain.”

Spencer whined in disagreement, but that quickly turned into a moan as Morgan, who’d already put a condom on, slammed into his ass. Spencer screamed, making Hotch curse and buck up into his mouth.

“Fuck, do that again.”

Spencer whined in protest, but it quickly turned into a second scream as Morgan once again pushed in.

“Move aside, I want a piece of that,” Emily smiled, stroking her lubed strap.

Spencer managed to pull back, “Please, no.”

“We didn’t fucking ask you, whore,” Hotch snapped, pushing him back down. “Shut up.”

When Emily pushed into Spencer’s ass, he almost broke down in tears, but I watched carefully as he tapped the couch three times, knowing I was about to ask.

“I want to keep this one,” Hotch looked over at me, “He broke so easily, I want to use him as a cocksleeve.”

“Not so fast,” Penelope spoke up, “We haven’t seen what he can do for us.”

“Fuck that, if we don’t keep him, I’ll buy him,” Morgan spoke up.

Spencer moaned.

“Oh, the whore likes that,” I taunted, “He likes being a little toy for us.”

“I’m close,” Derek groaned, “Fuck, I’m going to fill your cute little hole.”

Spencer whined and pushed back.

“Oh, he likes that,” Emily taunted. “He wants to be our cumdump.”

“I’m going to cum down his throat, I want to watch him swallow for me.”

“Do you want to cum with them, Pen?” I asked.

She nodded, pushing up against my hand.

“Cum, all of you,” I ordered, “Fill our pretty new toy.”

Within ten seconds of each other, Garcia, Hotch, and Morgan were all cumming, while Emily released the lube-cum in her strap. There were a few seconds of heavy breathing as everyone recovered.

“Holy fuck, that felt good, he’s such a whore,” Aaron panted.

“Plug him,” Garcia suggested, “Keep him full.”

“What color?” Emily asked as she walked over to the chest of drawers.

We all paused, waiting for Spencer. He took a second, but tapped the couch three times, panting. He whined as Emily pushed the plug in.

“Put him back on the bed,” I suggested, helping Penelope off of it. “Don’t worry about tying him up, the little whore doesn’t have enough energy to move.”

Emily and Derek worked together to move Spencer back onto the bed. He curled up, breathing heavily. We all stood silent, considering what to do next, when Spencer suddenly scrambled to his feet, running blindly for the door. Immediately, my arm was around his waist, and I pinned him to the wall.

“Nice trick,” I growled.

“Put him on the cross,” Emily suggested.

Morgan and Garcia helped me pin and bind him to the St. Andrew’s cross. He could see the entire room now, but I’d rearranged our bedroom to make it unfamiliar to him.

“Get the vibe,” I told Hotch.

Morgan spoke up, “What about a gag?”

I shook my head. “No, I want him to beg, I want him to apologize. I want to see him cry.”

Spencer turned to me, “I’ll never beg for you.”

“We’ll see about that, little slut,” Emily cut in.

Hotch walked to the cross, attaching the wand vibe to it. He looked up to me quickly for assurance before turning it on, pressing the vibe against the head of his cock.

“Fuck!” Spencer shouted, bucking forward. “Holy fuck, yes, shit, so fucking good, oh, damn you all to hell.”

“Ignore him,” Emily smiled and beckoned towards me, “I want to have my own fun.”

I raised an eyebrow but approached. She pulled me into a deep kiss, making me hum in pleasure. She pushed me back against the couch, spreading my legs with hers, before sinking to her knees and latching onto my clit.

“Oh, fuck, Em!”

She was skilled, knowing exactly where I needed it. I had to grab the cuffs attached to the couch to keep myself stable as she worked. I could hear Spencer whining in a combination of jealousy and pleasure. I looked over to Penelope, who was lounging in a chair, playing with a vibrator.

“Pen, come here,” I called before gasping at an especially well-placed flick of Emily’s tongue.

Garcia walked over and I held my hand out for the remote.

“May I pleasure you, Ma’am?” Spencer asked weakly.

“And how do you expect to do that?” Penelope asked, approaching him.

He whined, “If you let me go, then I could-”

Before any of the rest of us could speak, Garcia stopped him. “No. You’re on here because you were a disobedient whore, and you’re going to stay here until you cry and beg.”

I heard Morgan curse from the bed and looked over to see his eyes locked on Penelope. Hotch was- _woah._ Hotch was on his knees in front of the other man, completely focused on sucking his dick.

“What, you’ve never seen Pen’s dominant side?” I teased. “You’ve been missing out, Derek.”

“Clearly,” he laughed breathlessly. “Come here, baby girl.”

She turned to face him. “What?”

Morgan’s eyes darted between Penelope and me, “Did I say something wrong?”

Penelope answered before I had the chance. “Did you just try to tell me what to do?”

There was no right answer there. Derek stayed silent.

“I didn’t think so,” This was the side of her we so rarely saw; the same persona she put on as the Black Queen.

I gestured to Hotch, “If you feel like multitasking, Aaron’s ass is sensitive, and he makes pretty noises.”

Rather than that, Penelope elected to rid herself of the vibrator and ride Morgan’s face. He leaned back and pulled her down, moaning against her every time Hotch took him all the way down.

Spencer whined again, wanting to be part of the action; we were all on display for him, in the throes of our own pleasure, and he was stuck, helpless.

“What a desperate little toy,” I teased. “I think he wants us to take him down and fuck him again.”

Spencer nodded, but none of us cared.

“Em, I’m close,” I moaned, running my hands through her hair, “Don’t stop.”

She redoubled her efforts, making my orgasm overtake me in waves. Her hands were on my hips as I thrust forward, chasing every last bit of pleasure she would give me. When I finished, I pulled her up into a kiss, tasting myself on her lips and tongue. I could feel her smile as Spencer whined, desperate to get closer to us.

“Mistress,” he gasped, “Oh, fuck, please…”

Emily pulled away from he and turned to face him. “Please what?”

Spencer’s eyes were still on me, as if he thought I’d give him more mercy than the others. “Please let me cum, please.”

I shook my head, “No. You’re going to struggle and beg until you cry.”

“No, please, no,” Spencer panted, but at the same time, he tapped three times on the cross. “Please don’t make me.”

Emily was there before I could stand up, one hand around his throat, making him gasp. “I think you need a reminder of the rules, whore. You will do what we say, _when_ we say. So, if we tell you to stay silent, you’ll shut up. If we say you’re not allowed to cum, you will not cum. If we want you to stay here and take it, you will not consider anything but obeying us. Got it?”

Spencer whined and nodded slowly, tapping the cross three times. Seeing that he was still okay, I turned my attention to the bed, admiring the scene; Morgan was thrusting into Hotch’s mouth, clearly about to cum. Penelope was moaning and grinding down on Morgan’s face, and Hotch was letting Morgan use his throat, one hand wrapped around his cock, stroking in pace with the thrusts.

_Note to self; thank Spencer profusely later for this wonderful idea._

I moved to a padded chair and pulled Emily between my legs, pushing my hand into her underwear and beginning to tease her clit as we watched Penelope and Derek cum at the same time. They were both still for a few seconds, then Penelope moved away and leaned against the headboard.

“Hotch, where did you learn to suck dick like that?” Morgan asked, sitting up on his elbows.

He shrugged, “I experimented in college, and, well, after Hayley. Plus, I know what I like.”

“Well, shit,” Derek laughed breathlessly.

I glanced over at Spencer, who was holding back his sounds, grinding desperately against the vibrator, staring at the scene on the bed.

“Slut, don’t hold back your sounds,” I snapped at him. “We want to hear you.”

Spencer whined, “I- I can’t hold back Mistress, I need it so bad…”

“Too bad.” I cut him off. “We want to hear you, and you may not cum.”

Emily ground forward against my hand at my dominant tone.

I dropped my voice, murmuring in her ear, “You like when I talk like that?”

She nodded desperately. I sped up and she threw her head back into my shoulder, gasping.

“Daddy, Master, Ma’am, please, please, please let me cum,” Spencer begged, possibly hoping I was focused enough on Emily that I wouldn’t stop him.

“No,” Hotch snapped.

I could tell Spencer was getting close to tears; I could hear the knot in his throat as he tried to hold it back.

_“I want you to make me cry”, he’d said when we planned the scene. “Completely break me.”_

“I’m close,” Emily muttered, breathing heavily against my ear.

“When you’re ready, Em,” I answered, “Go on, cum for me.”

She did, moaning and grinding forward against my hand, hips twitching as she came.

“Holy shit,” she panted.

I smiled and pulled her into a kiss.

“Mistress,” Spencer whined, “Please, fuck, please.”

I stood and walked over, “Please what?”

“Please let me cum,” he pulled at the cuffs, “I need it.”

“No, you don’t,” I stopped him.

“Put nipple clamps on him,” Penelope suggested. “Make it worse.”

“No, please,” Spencer shook his head, “Please don’t.”

“I think that’s a yes,” I smirked, walking over to the drawers and getting a set of nipple clamps.

“No, please,” he begged. “Please, don’t make it worse.”

“Let’s give him a choice,” Morgan spoke up. “No clamps and no cumming, or the clamps and we’ll let him cum at some point tonight.”

“I’ll take the clamps!” Spencer exclaimed. “Please, please let me cum.”

“What a cumslut,” Hotch added. “He’s so desperate for it.”

“Beg for the clamps, whore,” I ordered.

Spencer shook his head, “Please don’t make me, please don’t make me beg.”

“It’s that or no cumming,” I reminded him.

That reminder broke him. Tears began streaming down his face as his entire body sagged against the cuffs. Spencer was unable to hold up his own weight anymore.

“Please,” he said between sobs, “Please put them on, Mistress.”

I decided that was all I needed; I stepped forward and put them on, then ran one hand down his hips as I leaned in, pressing my lips against his ear. “Color?”

“Green,” he whispered. “Oh, it hurts, it hurts so bad, Mistress.”

“Too bad.” My voice was a combination of hard Dom and caring partner. “Either you use your words, or you take it.”

Spencer nodded and tapped three times just to assure me. At that signal, I reached down to stroke his sensitive cock, making him cry out.

“I’m going to cum, Mistress, please stop, please don’t make it worse.”

 _Fine. You want it to stop?_ I smiled and took my hand away, then reached down and turned the vibrator off, moving it away from his cock.

“No!” His voice cracked in desperation.

I stepped back and sat on the bed. I felt a hand on my back, running up my shoulder. I turned to see Hotch, pulling up my shirt. I realized the majority of us were still clothed; although I hadn’t worn underwear, I still had my blouse and shirt on. Hotch’s pants were off, but his undershirt was still on, and Morgan’s jeans were unbuttoned but still on. Penelope still had her thin dress on. Emily was the most naked of all of us, with only her bra still on.

I hummed and leaned back against him as he pulled off my shirt, tossing it aside and beginning to play with my breasts – I hadn’t bothered with a bra. I reached behind myself and began stroking him as he moved his hands lower, toying with the hem of my skirt.

Spencer was staring at me, mouth watering with desire. I loved how desperate he was, even when he was so overstimulated.

Hotch’s fingers moved to my clit and he quickly had me approaching my orgasm, and I could tell by his breathing that he was getting close too.

“Are you going to cum with me?” I asked, voice quiet, leaning against his chest. “Want to show my slut of a husband how well you can pleasure me?”

Hotch cursed under his breath and nodded, “I’m not going to last much longer.”

“Cum with me, Aaron,” I gasped, “Cum.”

I fell back against his chest, unceasing in my movements as I moaned in ecstasy. He came at the same time, coating his chest and splashing my back.

I stood a little uncertainly, taking a second to regain my balance before grabbing a towel, cleaning off my shoulders and Hotch’s chest and hips. I looked to the headboard to see Penelope and Derek making out, Penelope straddling Morgan, grinding down against him.

“Want some ice, lovebirds?” I teased.

Without breaking apart, both of them flipped me off. I laughed and pulled Emily onto the bed, kissing her neck.

“Keep your eyes on Spencer,” I murmured, “Don’t let him look away.”

She nodded.

“Hotch, the plug the whore has in is a vibrator. The remote is in the drawer, next to where the plug was. It’ll be obvious. Have fun with him,” I smiled at my boss before focusing back on Emily.

I didn’t mind that Penelope and Derek were distracted; after all, we could have plenty of fun without them. _And there’s always the recording if they want to see what happened._ Hotch began fiddling with the settings of the vibrator as I moved to between Emily’s legs, pushing my tongue inside her.

“Fuck,” Emily gasped, gripping my hair.

“Keep your eyes on them,” I heard Hotch order.

I made the scene as graphic as I could, running my hands up Emily’s chest and playing with her nipples.

“I bet you want to be serving your Highness and your Mistress like that, hmm?” I heard Hotch ask.

Whatever Spencer said, it was unintelligible as I flicked my tongue faster. Emily’s thighs clamped around my head, but I didn’t care; I was focused on her pleasure. I could tell by her sounds that she was getting close again, and I wasn’t about to make her wait.

“Don’t stop,” Emily moaned, “Fuck, right there, Mistress.”

I glanced up to see she wasn’t focused on me, but on Spencer and Hotch. Hotch was gripping Spencer’s throat tightly as they kissed, holding the younger man against the wood he was bound to.

_It shouldn’t be that hot to see my husband kissing my boss._

“I’m about to cum,” Emily gasped, hand tightening in my hair. “Fuck, just like that!” She panted breathlessly and came, pulling me closer to her pussy. I hummed and lapped at her entrance, enjoying the taste of her cum.

Hearing that, Hotch turned to me, “Do you want to make him cum, or should I?”

“Turn off the vibe and bring him over here,” I answered, arranging myself so I’d be able to cradle him between my legs.

Emily got up and helped Hotch bring Spencer over. He was barely able to move at this point, deep in subspace and desperate to cum, words barely intelligible. I glanced up to see Penelope riding Morgan such that they could both see us but focused my attention back on Spencer. His head lolled back against my shoulder.

“Color?” I asked.

He tapped three times. I began touching him, my movements slow and precise. I knew how little it would take to make him cum at this point.

“Please,” Spencer said, voice barely above a whisper, cracking in desperation. “Please let me cum.”

I looked over at Morgan and Penelope. He’d leaned forward to whisper in her ear, and she was smiling evilly.

‘Ruin him’ Derek mouthed.

I smiled and nodded.

“Cum, little slut,” I said.

That was all it took; Spencer was moaning and weakly thrusting upward as he came. As soon as he began cumming, though, I pulled my hand away, giving him no more satisfaction. I looked over to see that Penelope and Derek had cum at the same time, without the ruin.

“No,” Spencer whined, “No, I was so good…” He curled into my neck, all thoughts of the scene gone.

“Hotch, can you get a towel?” I asked.

Immediately, he went to get one. I ran my hand through Spencer’s hair, whispering to him.

“It’s okay, baby, you did so good for us,” I told him. “You did well.”

Hotch handed me the towel and I began to slowly wipe him off. Once I’d cleaned us both off as much as I could without overstimulating Spencer, I set it aside and beckoned to the others, silently asking them to join us.

Although Spencer was curled against me, I knew he needed the comfort of the others; his Doms in this scene, his team, his family. We all wrapped around him, mostly quiet, comforting Spencer’s small form.

Morgan was the first to lean down and softly kiss Spencer’s forehead before extracting himself from the group and getting off the bed, walking towards the bathroom. Garcia kissed Spencer gently and followed; I’d already told them they could use our shower. Emily stayed for a while longer, but eventually got up to join them. Hotch and I shifted to lean against the headboard, Spencer still curled in my arms.

“Princess?” I whispered, leaning close. “Are you okay?”

Spencer nodded a little. He was tired, I knew, and only half-conscious. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Hotch beat me to it. “Of course, Spencer. You know we’d all do anything for you.”

Spencer smiled and nodded before curling up against me, breathing slowing as he fell asleep.

***

After Garcia, Emily, and Morgan showered, Aaron took his turn. He made sure to check on us both before leaving, but Spencer was still asleep. It was maybe twenty minutes later when he woke up again, bleary-eyed.

“I… did I fall asleep?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded. “The team left; they all gave you a kiss goodnight.”

He blushed a little. “Can we take a bath?”

“Of course, princess, if you’re feeling up to it.”

Spencer nodded and let me half-carry him to the tub. I helped clean him off, quickly washing myself off when he was done. His legs were still shaky enough I had to help him back into bed. Immediately, he curled up on my chest.

“Did you enjoy tonight, baby?” I asked.

He nodded, “Thank you. I… I needed it. I can’t explain why, but-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Spence. I understand,” I stopped him, “Sometimes we can’t give a reason why we want something.”

He nodded and quickly fell asleep again, breathing in small _puff_ s against my thin sweater. I waited until I was sure he was asleep before falling asleep myself, holding him close.

***

**_Message to: Em, Chocolate Thunder, Bossman, Pen  
_ ** **Thanks from Spence + I for last night  
If any of y’all want to talk, we’re both here  
Hotch – you better not let this affect your work ;)**

I smiled as I sent the message before joining Spence and the kids for breakfast.

**_Message to: Em, Chocolate Thunder, Pen from: Bossman  
_Brat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely my favourite chapter to write  
> Enjoy the sex ya heathens


	20. Memories

**_Message from: Stripper Chick ;)  
_ ** **Tell your sexy coworker with the black hair I say hi**

**_Message to: Stripper Chick ;)  
_ ** **Emily? Morgan? Hotch?**

**_Message from: Stripper Chick ;)  
_ ** **That’s on me, I forgot ‘sexy coworker’ doesn’t narrow it down  
Tell Emily I say hi**

**_Message to: Stripper Chick ;)  
_ ** **I’m… not going to ask**

***

We dropped the kids off school before driving to Quantico. We never walked in separately; not anymore. After the Frost case, we never even considered walking in alone. I walked up with Spencer and greeted the team.

“Hey, Em,” I called as I was leaving, “Jenna says hi.”

She smiled and winked at me.

***

“Take your seats, everyone,” I called as the class filed in. “We have a lot to get through today.”

The entire class groaned.

“Don’t worry, we’re really just going over the syllabus,” I laughed. “I’m not one of those teachers. Welcome to your class on interrogation.”

***

“We’re giving the profile first thing tomorrow morning,” Spencer said as we changed into pajamas. “The legislators are all over our asses in this one.”

“Why?”

“We’re dealing with threats to representatives’ aides. They’re kids, for the most part, terrified out of their minds.” Spencer scoffed, “It’s just giving them another excuse to get nothing done all day in our capital.”

“Let me guess, Hotch is making you deal with the legislators themselves?” I could hear the disgust in Spencer’s voice.

“They’re all stupid and shallow,” Spencer spat in response. “They’d giving anything to avoid their name being close to this, even when it has to do with them.”

I sighed and beckoned for Spencer to get into bed with me, “You’ll give the profile and catch him soon. Just stay with me for now.”

***

Spencer’s POV

_“You never owned her, never.” I growled. “No one owns her.”_

_You were angry. Even without seeing your face, I knew. “You disgust me. Just give me a damn confession so we can both be done here.”_

_“You’ll have to work for it, sweetheart,” Daniel’s smile was sick._

_“She’s not your fucking sweetheart, Frost!” I spat._

_“Don’t call me sweetheart.”_ How were you so calm? _“I escape you.”_

_“You ran off into the clutches of another man, how sweet. Does he do to you what I never could?”_

_I clenched my fists. “Step. The fuck. Off.”_

_You were calm. “He does better on his worst day than you ever did.”_

_“Hell yeah, I do.” I allowed myself a small smile._

_I heard Hotch snort behind me, but I didn’t care. It was true._

_“Don’t take that tone with me, not if you want what you’re asking for,” Daniel was disgustingly nonchalant._

_“I could get what I wanted from you when we were together, and I can get it from you now.” You were confident, as always. “Just tell me what I need to do.”_

_“I already told you.” He was smiling, and I wanted to slap him. “I told you when I showed you your pretty little husband tied up. You already know what I want.”_

_I remembered what he said; I’d watched the recording._ “I will not stop until I see you on your knees, begging.”

_“Don’t do it,” I said, though you couldn’t hear me. “We’ll find some other way. Don’t, my love.”_

_Your voice was so strong; it always was. “You won’t get me on my knees. I don’t care what you offer me.”_

_I approached you as you exited the room, but you shook your head and kissed my cheek. “I’m fine. He wants to rattle me; I’m letting him think he is. Let him stew, I’m getting coffee.”_

_I turned back to the glass as you exited, fists clenching. I heard you walk back in and lean against me._

_“I don’t like how he’s talking to you.”_

_You nodded, “I don’t either, but I know what he wants to hear. I dealt with him as a submissive,” I shuddered at the thought of that, “and in the courtroom. I can do it here. I have the power.”_

_What could I say? “Please protect yourself. I’d rather set him free than see you hurt.”_

_You walked back in._

_“It’s cute that you think you’re invincible just because you’re in the FBI. I can still hurt you,” he smiled at me through the glass, “seeing how much you care about your husband proves that.”_

_“How would you know about me and Spencer?”_

_I wanted to know the same._

_“I know you found me because of Lacey. She’s a good sub, not the smartest.”_

_I snarled, “Fuck you, you pigheaded chauvinist asshole.” I didn’t like Lacey, but I knew she was smart._

_“She went to the parties all around Quantico,” Daniel continued, “just hoping to find you.”_

Fuck, the parties. Did she touch me?

_“And?” You didn’t seem shaken._

_“She left the recorder in the room after she left.”_

_I had to leave the room. I couldn’t stand hearing about how me watched me, watched_ us.

That’s supposed to be our time alone.

_I leaned against the wall and loosened my tie, breathing heavily. I touched my collar, reminding myself that I was safe._

_“Reid, are you okay?” Hotch asked._

_I turned and nodded, ignoring that my collar was still exposed. It’s not like he didn’t know._

_“Do you need to go?”_

_I shook my head and reentered._

_“You would have left my husband alone,” you were saying._

_“I wanted you to feel the pain I felt!” Daniel shouted._

_You stood, towering over him. “I didn’t drug and torture you! I tried to be nice about it, I did it the right way.”_

_I watched you shatter the mug. I tried to go for the door, but Hotch caught me and held me back. “Just give her a minute. She needs this.”_

_I stood, frozen._

_“You’re the one that forced me. You’re the reason my husband has scar tissue on his lungs and is dealing with another damn relapse.” You sounded furious and upset at the same time. “You’re the reason I had to explain to my children why their father was in the hospital and can’t pick them up to give them a hug. I followed the rules, Daniel. You don’t get to play the pain card. You couldn’t play it at the trial and you can’t play it now.”_

_For the first time, he looked surprised. “Kids?”_

_I blinked._

_“You made him write the note, you know we have kids, don’t play dumb with me,” you spat._

_“I didn’t make him write a note. I just took him.”_

_“What the fuck?” I whispered. “What is he talking about?”_

_“You’re lying. Stop lying to me.” You sounded as scared as I felt._

_“I took him from the parking lot and too my old cell. I tortured him. Fine, I admit it.” He looked directly at you. “But I’m not stupid enough to make him write a note.”_

_I ran my hair as I stumbled back. “Wh- how? What?”_

_“Who else knew what you were doing?” You asked._

_“Only Lacey.” He changed the subject. “You’re bleeding.”_

_None of us had noticed it. I rushed forward, grabbing the first aid kit from the wall by the door. Hotch was already ahead of me, pulling Daniel out of the room. I ran to you, stabilizing your hand._

_“It’s okay, I’m here,” I whispered. “You got a confession. It’s okay.”_

_I barely believed my own words._

_***_

_“Only Lacey.”_

_“Only Lacey.”_

Who did Lacey tell?

***

I don’t know what time it was when I woke up and grabbed my phone.

**_Message to: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **What if this is connected to Felix?**

**_Message from: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **What? Which one?**

**_Message to: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **The Christmas shooting  
What if it’s connected to Frost & Felix?**

**_Message from: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **Frost is dead**

**_Message to: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **Felix isn’t.**

In the aftermath of you killing Daniel, no one had thought about Lacey.

_Both guards were shot. They were taken back together._

I assumed she was taken back to prison; we all did.

**_Message from: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **I’m checking prison records now**

**_Message to: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **Thank you**

I heard you turn over, groaning a little. “Spence? It’s 3 in the morning, what are you doing up?”

I couldn’t worry you without knowing anything for sure. “I just had a bad dream, I’m okay.”

“Okay, will you wake me up if you need anything?” You turned back over.

“I will.”

***

**_Message from: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **Felix never returned to the prison – she was reported dead  
I’ll have Garcia check into aliases or associates**

**_Message to: Aaron Hotchner  
_ ** **Thank you  
It’s probably nothing, but confirmation will make me more comfortable**

**_Message from: Aaron Hotchner_**   
**I understand**


	21. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New discoveries on Lacey Felix and the Alice case.

I’d been up for a minute or so when I decided to ask Spencer what was going on. I could see the soft glow of his phone light.

“Spence? It’s 3 in the morning,” I rolled closer to him, “What are you doing up?”

“I just had a bad dream, I’m okay,” he said.

I knew he was lying, but I decided I’d ask him in the morning. “Okay, will you wake me up if you need anything.”

“I will.”

***

I woke to Spencer kissing down my neck, his arms around my waist. He nipped at a spot behind my ear, making me hum.

“Good morning, baby,” I smiled.

“Morning,” he whispered, still kissing down my neck, “Did you sleep well?”

I nodded, “You?”

“I woke up for a bit because of a dream, but I slept well,” he answered.

“Are you sure? I thought I saw the light of your phone,” I asked, turning to him.

Spencer shrugged, “Just read for a while to calm myself down.”

I kissed him, “As long as you’re sure.”

***

 **_Message from: Garcia  
_ ** **Hotch just asked me to “make sure Lacey Felix is dead” – do you know what’s up?**

 **_Message to: Garcia  
_ ** **No… Reid woke up last night + was on his phone – maybe texting Hotch?  
I thought she died.**

 **_Message from: Garcia  
_ ** **I did too, haven’t found anything to prove otherwise.  
Do you want me to keep you updated on what I find?**

 **_Message to: Garcia  
_ ** **Please do, thanks**

***

 **_Message to: Hotch  
_ ** **Has Spencer punched anyone yet?**

 **_Message from: Hotch  
_ ** **No, luckily – I’ve made sure he deals with them as little as possible for the rest of the case**

I snorted as I unlocked the door and shepherded the kids inside. They ran to make themselves afternoon snacks.

 **_Message to: Hotch  
_ ** **Are you going to tell me why you asked Garcia to make sure Felix is dead?**

I watched the dots move as Hotch typed his answer. When I didn’t get another message for a good minute, I turned off my phone and sat down to have a snack with Maeve and Tobias, who were chattering away about their day.

_“I’m going to go get coffee. After all of that, I need it.”_

_I walked out of the courtroom, glancing back at Spencer to let him know I’d get him a cup too. I turned down the hall to walk towards the little café. I heard the gun. I heard his voice._

_“Hello, bitch.”_

_I leaned forward as I kicked him, then spun around to aim the gun away from me. I barely even registered the gunshot. I pulled him in as I punched him, feeling his nose crack on impact._

_Where was she?_

“Mom?” Tobias said, “Are you okay?”

I blinked, and I was back in the kitchen, Maeve and Tobias looking at me, their food finished.

I nodded, “Just got lost in my thoughts for a second, sweetie. Now, clear your plates and get started on homework, okay?”

They nodded and did, running over to their backpacks to pull out the worksheets. I took out my phone.

 **_Message from: Hotch  
_ ** **Ask Spencer.**

_Great, thanks. That clears everything up._

I sighed.

 **_Message to: Daddy <3  
_ ** **Hotch told me to ask you why Garcia is researching Lacey Felix.  
Care to explain?**

***

I didn’t get a response, though I could see Spencer had read my message. He got home late that night, unsurprisingly. The kids were in the bathroom brushing their teeth when the door opened. I was sitting on the couch, grading.

“Honey, I’m home.”

I held back my smile. As much as I was annoyed at him for not talking to me, he was adorable. I heard his bag drop and watched him approach me from the corner of my eye.

“Honey, I made a mistake by going behind your back and I’m sorry?” He said, leaning down to kiss my cheek.

I sighed and put my papers aside, giving him a proper kiss. “Is that a question?”

“Fine.” Spencer looked me in the eyes. “I’m sorry for going behind your back and talking to Garcia and Hotch before I said anything to you.”

I kissed him, “Thank you, Spencer. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Can I have a proper dinner first?”

I gestured to the kitchen. “You get to wash dishes.”

He wasn’t nearly as much of a pipe cleaner; especially since the kids were born, he was making much more of an effort to eat healthy meals, and it showed. Even Morgan had complimented him on ‘filling out that skinny body of yours’, which made Spencer roll his eyes.

“So, did you manage to avoid punching any legislators?”

Spencer snorted. “For the most part. The unsub turned out to be a senator, and I may have opened the door a bit harder than I needed to and left a hole in the wall, but that’s it.”

“I admire your restraint,” I teased.

***

After Spencer had eaten and the kids had gone to bed, we cuddled in bed and watched some old French film Spencer loved; I decided to put on the English subtitles. Spencer leaned on my shoulder, pouting that I turned down his whisper-translation.

I put my computer aside as the credits finished and looked at Spencer. “Are we going to talk about this now?”

Spencer bit his lip. “I kept thinking about the fact that Frost claimed Felix was the only other person who knew his plan, but Felix was really the mastermind, as evidenced by the fact Frost didn’t know about the kids. If she was in charge, she might have had other connections, maybe even told them about what was going to happen. This could be a longer case, and not nearly as closed as we thought it was.”

I nodded. “That all makes sense. But why didn’t you tell me what you were thinking?”

“I didn’t want you to worry about it until we had something concrete,” he shrugged, “I wasn’t really thinking about the fact that you might hear from someone else.”

“Spencer, I need you to hear this.” I took his hands and turned so I was fully facing him. “You have no right to keep anything about that case from me. Frost was my abuser, and I have a right to know if anything changes. You don’t get to decide what is kept from me.”

“It was just a theory-” He started.

“No.” My voice was firm. “You don’t get to move forward with that case without me. Understood?”

He nodded. “I’m sorry.”

I kissed him. “I understand why you did it, just don’t do it again.”

“Deal.”

***

 **_Message from: Hotch  
_ ** **Come up to the briefing room after class.**

I groaned. “Shit.”

***

“Alright, let’s do this again,” Garcia walked to the front of the room as we took our seats. “Lacey Felix, sexual submissive to Daniel Frost and one of the unsubs who kidnapped Spencer, as we all remember. Later determined to be masterminding the entire operation, including being the one who made our dear pretty boy write a note. Following the courtroom incident, there was a body found in the halls of the building identified as Felix’s. Turns out, that wasn’t her.”

I sighed. _Dammit, Spencer, why are you so smart?_

“Your resident tech genius did a lot of digging and found several different aliases going back 10 years. This chick is good, it was hard to find this, but I did. The person we all knew as Lacey Felix is, in fact, Marjorie Stone, former bodyguard for some unsavory figures. I’ve included a list of other pseudonyms in the file, but as far as I can tell, she’d actually gone back to using her real name. She posed as a widow in Idaho, pretending to be on the straight and narrow. Except for, well, the fact that she seduced a certain Gabriel Talbot, who had a grudge and therefore would be suspect even without Stone’s influence. She told him about property she owned in the area, aka the shack and wine cellar, and what drugs to use to make the trip as bad as possible for Spencer.”

“If we know where she is, why can’t we get her?” M asked.

“She’s moved and adopted a new life as Taylor Powers,” Garcia sighed.

Hotch looked up from his tablet, “Where?”

“Canada.”

_Damn._

***

“I could stay home,” I sighed, pacing back and forth. “The team doesn’t need me.”

“Yes, we do,” Spencer spoke up. “You know that, sweetheart.”

“And we will be fine with the kids. Really,” Jenna added. “Just change the sheets and wipe your entire room with Clorox before you leave.”

“You’re one to talk,” Spencer teased.

I laughed. “You’re sure?”

“Go,” Jenna said. “Track this bitch down. Then come for a night at the showbar and relax.”

“You just want my money,” I wagged a finger at her.

She smirked. “Emily’s practically funding my vacations with how often she’s there. You’re old news, darling.”

I sighed, “Fine. But if you fuck in here, at least wash the sheets?”

“Deal.”

***

I packed my go-bag neatly, adding long underwear and jackets. I smiled to myself; I’d always wanted to go skiing in Canada. Maybe some other time, with the kids.

“You’ve packed and repacked that four times, just calm down and come to bed,” Spencer said. “I’m feeling neglected over here.”

Normally, we would’ve left the day we got the new case information, but the issues of international travel and coordinating with Canadian law enforcement delayed us.

I smiled and zipped up my bag before getting into bed, settling against Spencer.

“Why won’t this nightmare end already?” I groaned. “This is getting kind of old.”

Spencer mimed writing a letter. “‘Dear Lacey Felix. Please stop committing and encouraging crimes against my family. I’m getting too old for this bullshit.’ Sure, that’ll work.”

“Hey! I didn’t say I’m getting old, I said this is.”

“Oh, my apologies,” he laughed.

We settled into a comfortable silence.

_Canada, here we come._

***

Canada is fucking _cold._

The people are nice, though, which helps make up for it. We were greeted at the private airport and driven to the Montreal Royal Canadian Mounted Police headquarters, where agents were waiting for us.

“Welcome to Montreal, we’re sorry it’s under these circumstances,” one said. “I’m Agent Jacklyn Greene, I’ve been assigned point for our side of this operation.”

“Agent Aaron Hotchner, thank you for helping us on such short notice,” Hotch shook her hand. “This is my team, Agents Morgan, Jareau, Rossi, Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Dr. Reid. Our technical analyst, Agent Garcia, is back at Quantico.”

“It’s nice to meet you all,” Agent Greene smiled. “Follow me, I’ll show you the room set aside for you.”

***

“ _Bonjour_ , Penelope Garcia at your service,” Garcia’s voice echoed through the room’s speakers. “How can I be of assistance?”

“Are you sure she’ll be able to get the information we need?” Agent Greene asked. “I don’t believe you have access to Canadian databases; we may need our own technical-”

“Oh, _mademoiselle,_ you’re presuming I play by the rules,” Penelope stopped her. “If it exists, I can find it. Your firewalls are nothing compared to my skills. Now, what do you need?”

Hotch sighed. “What do you have on… whatever we’re calling her now?”

“Lacey Felix, AKA Marjorie Stone, AKA Taylor Powers? Well, while you were all kicking back on the plane, I dug up some major dirt, including her papers and alleged current residence.” Garcia answered. “It’s out in the middle of nowhere. Recent utility bills show no one has lived there in years, but she may have just arrived recently.”

“Send us the address, we can send people to take a look,” Agent Greene requested. “Anything else?”

“There’s a cabin about ten miles away, and the residents were just reported missing, that might be worth a look. I’m sending that address too.”

“I’ll coordinate teams to both locations,” Agent Greene walked out.

“Garcia, find any BDSM anything in the area. See if anyone has attendance records, email lists, whatever. Cross-reference those with all known pseudonyms.” I suggested. “It’s a long shot, but it’s something in case these don’t turn out.”

“On it, darling. _Au revoir!_ ” She hung up.

***

The first cabin was barely a shack, and she definitely wasn’t there; it looked like no one had been there since the Cold War. The second cabin, it turned out there was an old couple living there who had died recently, but it was determined to be natural causes.

“Why do I get the feeling this might end up being a wild goose chase across the entire North American continent, possibly extending further?” Emily sighed.

“Don’t jinx it, Em,” JJ cautioned.

 **_Message from: Garcia  
_ ** **No matches in BDSM communities – should I extend the search into the broader kink scene?**

 **_Message to: Garcia  
_ ** **Worth a shot**

I almost hoped that wasn’t how we found her; I didn’t feel the need to explain that to the Canadian authorities.

“Wait,” Morgan sat up. “Lacey’s voice, it’s deep for a girl’s, right?”

I shrugged, “I guess, why?”

“What if she’s not hiding as a woman?”

_Oh, shit._

“Think about it; she’s short, relatively deep voice, could disguise herself as a young adult, especially if she can change her voice,” Morgan continued. “We’re not looking for a boy.”

“Get Garcia on it, right now,” Hotch ordered. “How easy is it to make a face look more masculine?”

“Drug store makeup and an hour, maximum,” Emily answered immediately. “I’d be willing to bet she’s got practice, too, which makes it faster.”

“She could be switched back and forth,” I added. “Board a bus or train as a guy. While she’s on, wipe off her makeup and take off a large jacket to reveal a feminine outfit. Take off a wig, and a woman walks off the train.”

“Plus, hair dye, spray on stuff lasts a day – she could be blonde today and have black hair tomorrow.”

“Great, we’re looking for a shapeshifter,” Rossi sighed.

“Let’s just hope she doesn’t take the time to get some wax and change the structure of her face.” I groaned. “If she does, we’re fucked.”

***

“I’ve got a shop owner in California matching one of the billion possible photos you send me,” Garcia said. “Also, a teenager in Quebec, an old woman in New York City, and a truck driver currently in Tennessee.”

“Great, I’ll call local offices.” Hotch said. “Bring them all in.”

“Way ahead of you, already contacted them. They’re getting the possible Marjorie Stones as we speak.”

***

We waited. And waited. And waited some more.

Finally, we got news back. “No luck,” Emily sighed. “Back to square one.”

We were in the living room connecting two bedrooms; apparently, Canadian FBI accommodations are fancy.

“Okay, what haven’t we considered?” M asked.

“Let’s start from the beginning. We have someone on the run from Canadian and American authorities who, if she hasn’t already, now can’t get out of the country, and we don’t think she has due to flight records.” I was pacing again.

“We suspect she has the ability to hide in plain sight through the use of disguises including makeup and wigs.” Hotch added.

Rossi looked at M. “You went through the Academy the most recently. What’s your take?”

M was silent for a second. “When considering disguises, there are groups that are strictly off-limits; religious figures, healthcare workers, et cetera. All disguises are additive; you can’t take away part of your face.”

“We’re coming at this from the wrong perspective,” Spencer said. “We’re not disguise experts, we’re profilers.”

“Okay, so let’s build a profile,” Hotch gestured to him. “Go ahead, start.”

“This entire thing is highly premeditated,” Reid began. “What we don’t know is, why us? We had a reason when we thought Daniel was the brains of the operation, but he wasn’t. She’s been behind all of this.”

“She’s found people she can hide behind,” JJ agreed. “People with existing grudges, but where did she get it?”

_“Did you profile a lover that would be so hurt by his loss that she would do anything to get back at the monsters who killed her one true love?”_

_“We had people on the roof, but it was hard to get a clear shot. One of them moved to the building corner… Shot her through the head.”_

“Alice.” I gasped. “What if she was really another victim?”

Spencer looked at me. “What?”

“Alyss Treaty, Alice, whatever you want to call her, what if she wasn’t saying what we thought she was? What if she was saying that she wasn’t really that person?”

“That’s a risky way to do it,” Hotch shook his head.

“She was naked, she wasn’t wired. If the real Alice – or, if I’m right, Marjorie Stone – was threatening her family, she would’ve done anything. I would’ve. Maybe her shot at me wasn’t out of anger, but out of fear and desperation. If she killed me, maybe her family would still be okay, they’d be let go. You said someone on the roof shot her – maybe it was Marjorie.”

The entire team, except for M, exchanged a look.

“What?” I asked. “It makes some sort of sense, right?”

“There’s one problem.” Spencer spoke, not meeting my eyes. “It wasn’t someone on the building that killed her.”

“What? After I woke up, you told me-” _No._ “Spencer Reid, did you-”

“It wasn’t his fault,” Hotch cut me off. “I asked him not to tell you. I’m the one that took the shot, I killed Alice.”

I whirled to face him. “Everyone except Spencer and Aaron, get out of this room, right now.”

No one dared disobey. They filed out and I heard the door close.

“This is between you and me, don’t blame Reid.” Hotch tried.

“He’s a full-grown adult, as much as you baby him, Hotchner. He made the decision to lie.”

“I was following orders,” Spencer countered. “Hotch asked me to tell you someone else shot Alice.”

“Cool, good to know that I can’t trust either of you with giving me the basic facts of a case.” I laughed, but there was no humor in my voice. “What else am I being lied to about? Any other secrets you’d like to divulge while we’re at it?”

They were both quiet.

“Great, just the one, then. Agent Hotchner, would you like to explain your decision to request that my husband lie to me?”

“(Y/N),” Spencer began.

“No.” I cut him off. “I want to hear what Aaron has to say.”

“I was trying to protect you,” Hotch said quietly. “Jesus, you care so much about everyone else that your first instinct when you were dealing with a bomb was to get the rest of your team out of the building. You asked Morgan to cuff Spencer to a damn car, because you knew how he would react. If I told you that I killed for you, you’d never forgive yourself.”

“You don’t get to make that decision for me, Aaron,” I spat.

“Yes, actually, I do, and so does the team. I chose to request that they keep that information from you in order to protect your mental health. Any of them could have chosen to tell you, so what does it say about them that none of them chose to?” He asked. “Your team was trying to help you, as was I. As was your husband.”

“Protect me by lying to me, great plan.” I rolled my eyes. “Did you think I’d never find out?”

“Honestly? Yes.” Hotch answered.

“At least you’re honest about that.” I turned to Spencer. “So, lying to your wife is a good idea in your marriage, huh? What is this, two in a week? You’re setting a record here, I’m impressed.”

“They weren’t in the same week,” Spencer argued.

“Fucking really?” I exclaimed. “First of all, a lie of omission is still a lie, meaning every moment you chose not to tell me the truth is another lie. And second, that’s what you’re debating? The time period?”

“I’m not going to say I didn’t lie. I know I did, and so do you.” He was calm. “I thought I was helping you.”

“How is lying to me helping?”

“Hotch is right, (Y/N). You take the weight of the world on your shoulders, especially when it comes to this team. I believed telling you that some random person out there killed someone for you was easier than it being someone you care about.” Spencer shook his head, “It’s why I love you. You care for everyone else, so much. You don’t consider how it impacts you.”

I huffed. “Don’t make this about me.”

“This is entirely about you!” Spencer answered. “I don’t care if you punish me or what, but I believed I was helping you. For fuck’s sake, you were recovering from a coma and a gunshot wound. You didn’t need that on your conscience.”

“Well done.” I nodded. “Instead, I’ll have the knowledge that my husband thinks it’s okay to lie to me on my mind for the rest of my life.”

“I…” Spencer couldn’t find anything to say.

“I’m going to bed, so that tomorrow I can help track down this bitch and get home to my children.” I turned away. “You can sleep on the couch, for all I care.”

I barely managed to get through the door into the bedroom and lock it before the tears began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU enjoy some angst  
> Sorry for not updating I hit writer's block also I'm in Texas and wifi is in and out so...
> 
> EDIT: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I LEFT THE PHRASE "BLUE ELEPHANT" IN THIS CHAPTER???? I've changed it now but still lmao


	22. Where She's Going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking to Spencer & tracking down unsubs.

I couldn’t sleep; I just kept crying. I wanted Spencer – _my husband –_ there to comfort me, but it was his fault I was in this state.

_“I was following orders.” Really? That was his excuse?_

I only looked up when my phone buzzed. I looked over to see a picture of Garcia on the screen.

I picked up. “Hey, Penelope.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t know either,” she sounded almost as upset as I was. “I tore Spencer a new one to match the one you gave him.”

I laughed a little at that. “It won’t be the sorest he’s been.”

“I’m sure,” I could tell she’d been crying too. “Hey, do you remember that game of never have I ever we played at the bar?”

“Yeah,” that felt like a lifetime ago. “When I kissed you.”

She hummed. “Yeah, that time. There was one thing I didn’t explain… You said never have I ever faked someone’s death and I put a finger down.”

“You refused to tell me why,” I remembered.

“It was an ex-girlfriend-turned-best-friend of mine. She dated this… utter shithead of a guy. Totally obsessive stalker. She changed her name and number a million times, and he kept finding her. No idea how.” Penelope sighed. “He always said that he’d be with her until she died, so…”

“She did.” I finished.

“Yep. Full Emily Prentiss situation: I sent her abroad with new papers and a new identity. We check in once or twice a year, no more. She has a husband and kids now, a whole life.”

I stayed silent.

“A few months later, this dirtbag shows up at my place with a gun. Says he knows she’s alive, demands I tell him where she is. I looked him in the eyes with a gun to my head and told him that she was really, truly dead. He believed me.” Her voice trembled at the memory. “I guess he suspected, was trying to get proof, but I stood my ground. Still do. Other than on a random day in August, she’s dead.”

I could tell she still had more to say.

“A year or so after I joined the team, we were working this case. A bunch of deaths in Wisconsin, the city where she used to live before we faked her death. Unknown to us, her ‘death’ had a similar MO to the case. We were desperate, trying to find anything, and Hotch asked me to look into her death. I had to pretend I didn’t know anything. I lied to my boss for the sake of my friend, I have to believe it was right.”

“That’s a pretty convincing way to tell me that I shouldn’t be mad at the team,” I chuckled.

I could hear the smile in her voice. “Sometimes you don’t know the entire story is all. They’re trying to protect you, like I was trying to protect my friend, and sometimes that goes sideways or means making difficult choices. Sometimes that means lying.”

I sighed. “I should talk to Spencer, shouldn’t I?”

“Probably. You did promise to stay with him through thick and thin and all that.”

“Okay. Good night, Penelope,” I smiled a little.

“Sleep well, and don’t forget to breathe.” She teased. “Garcia, over and out.”

I put my phone to the side and stood, taking a few deep breaths before walking to the door, unlocking it to see the team sitting in a circle, talking quietly. They fell silent when my door opened.

“Spence,” I said, voice scratchy.

He stood and walked towards me. I could see that he had been crying; his eyes were red and puffy. I stood back to allow him to enter the room, then closed it.

“In the past few days, you’ve lied to me about talking to Hotch about whether Lacey Felix was alive, and I’ve found out that you lied to me about who shot Alice.” I watched as Spencer sat on the bed; I stayed standing. “A massive part of our relationship is trust and communication, sexually and otherwise. You’ve broken my trust that you can stick to that.”

He stayed silent.

I raised my arm, showing my bracelet and ring. “You promised to be my partner and hold our love above all else. You didn’t do that.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he whispered. “I didn’t want you to blame yourself. I thought you’d be better off not knowing.”

“I understand that, Spence, I really do. But you can’t make that decision for me. I don’t want you to.” I tried to take a deep breath, but it caught in my throat. “I want to trust you. I want to be able to believe you won’t lie to me.”

“I’m sorry,” his voice shook. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know, but I don’t want you to. Okay?”

“Okay.”

***

Spencer fell asleep quickly, but I couldn’t even close my eyes without seeing Alice pointing a gun at my head again.

_“Get on your back, bitch. Take off your fucking vest and get on your back, just like he was.”_

_I couldn’t find the strength to argue. “Can I at least to my husband one last time?”_

_“No. Russel didn’t get to talk to me, you don’t get to talk to him,” she spat._

_“Spencer, I’m sorry. Take care of our children.”_

I couldn’t even stare into the darkness without seeing her face. I got out of bed, careful not to wake up Spencer, and walked back into the lounge. Emily was the only one left, sipping from a flask.

“Any chance I can get a drink from that?” I asked.

She turned and held it out, “Go ahead, you deserve it.”

I sank down into the armchair Spencer had been in earlier, taking a large gulp of the drink.

“Jeez,” Emily laughed, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I sighed. “My husband lied to me, what else is there to say?”

“Hotch, JJ, and I lied to you when we faked my death. Why is this different?”

“Because he’s my husband!” I sat up, then took another drink. “He’s not supposed to do that.”

“He’s also supposed to look out for your health and safety,” she answered. “You were in a coma for two weeks; he didn’t want to do anything that might stress you or affect your recovery.”

“I know, but…” I took one final drink, then passed the flask back. “It still hurts.”

“You need to be able to trust him. You need to put your trust back in him.” She looked me in the eyes, “You know what I mean.”

I bit my lip hard. “Can I wait until after we’re done catching this bitch?”

Emily snorted, “Please do, I don’t want to hear it through the walls. Either involve me or stay quiet.”

We sat in silence for a few seconds.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” Emily asked.

“We’re not supposed to profile each other, Em,” I raised an eyebrow.

“You’re avoiding the question.”

I sighed. “Can’t stop thinking about the Alice case. I guess looking death in the eye counts as some pretty major trauma, huh?”

“As someone who’s almost died multiple times, it absolutely does.” Emily took a swig from the flask. “And you’re not getting over it any time soon.”

I groaned.

***

I managed to fall asleep eventually, though my dreams were riddled with guns, threats, and unsubs.

I woke up covered in sweat and gasping, hands tangled in the sheets. I looked over to Spencer, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw he was, miraculously, still asleep. I got out of bed and walked to the shower, letting the hot water help me relax. I sighed and slowly washed myself off, knowing I had some time before breakfast.

_“Spencie is going to wrack his brain for ages trying to figure out how he missed me. He’ll never trust himself again.”_

I turned the water off and climbed out, toweling myself off and walking back into the bedroom, getting dressed quickly. The sun was just coming up, and I knew Spencer’s alarm would be going off soon. I slipped out and into the central room, where Hotch was walking in with some donuts and coffee.

“You’re a lifesaver,” I sighed, reaching for a cup.

He passed a bag to me.

I opened it to see my favorite donut. “Aaron Hotchner, I love you.”

“Don’t let your husband hear that,” he teased. “And I got Spencer’s favorite too.”

I shrugged. “Donuts, husband… I have my priorities.”

Hotch set the coffee and donuts down and turned back to me. “I looked into what you said last night. I realized it was possible that someone else was going to take the shot if I didn’t, so I’ve asked Penelope to start looking into everyone that was at the warehouse that night. We did have people on the roof, so… It’s not impossible.”

I nodded, “Thank you.”

***

“Garcia, speak,” Hotch answered the phone.

“(Y/N) is a genius almost on the level of _moi_ ,” she responded. “I’ve looked into the agents on site and found no fewer than three who weren’t supposed to be there. I’m still running checks on some. I could not find any record of them existing as agents before or since. It’s like they were employees for a day, then disappeared.”

“Any luck tracking any of the names?” I asked.

“None yet, darling,” she responded, “I’m working on face ID, though. I’ll let you know as soon as I have anything.”

“What about Felix?” Spencer stepped forward.

“That is where I have good news, Doctor Pipe Cleaner,” We could hear her typing in the background, “I’ve got a few positive IDs in the same city as you, all within a 10-mile radius of either your hotel or the office. I can’t consistently track her, though. Too many costume and face changes.”

Hotch looked up at Agent Greene, “Can we create a perimeter?”

She snorted. “Not unless you want to question thousands of people. It’s not worth it, she’d be able to hold out longer than us.”

“Any other options?” Rossi asked. “Garcia, can you predict where she’s going?”

“She goes into a convenience store or gas station approximately once an hour; goes in as one person and comes out as someone else. I can try to predict where she’ll go next.”

“Reid, work with Garcia, try to create some kind of algorithm. Figure out where she’s going,” Hotch ordered.

Spencer nodded and took the phone into a side office, beginning to write immediately.

“Is there any way for us to help?” Agent Greene asked.

Hotch nodded. “Get him a map of the city.”

***

Reid determined that she’d be at one of three different locations within an hour. Garcia was monitoring the camera feeds for each, and Greene had plainclothes officers. We waited.

I stared at the computers displaying the camera feeds, biting my lip nervously. I heard footsteps behind me and jumped when someone touched my hip.

“It’s just me,” Spencer said, wrapping his arms around my waist. “You’re okay.”

“Sorry, just nerves,” I tried to laugh it off.

“No need to apologize,” he answered quietly. “The rest of the team is taking a coffee break.”

“Without you?” I teased.

“JJ said she’ll get me a cup. I’m more worried about you than coffee.”

“I’m honored,” I entwined my hands in his. “I just want this to be over.”

“We’re going to find her, it’s going to be okay,” Spencer kissed my neck.

“I hope you’re right,” I sighed and looked at the camera feeds. “Spence. Top left.”

“That’s her,” he agreed, hitting the ‘unmute’ button on the ongoing call with Garcia, “Top left feed, which store is that?”

“Becker’s, I’m notifying the agents now,” she answered.

A few seconds later, we watched as she was grabbed and cuffed. She was turned around to fully face the camera, and I nodded. Even with the makeup, I could tell.

“That’s her.”

***

Spencer and I watched through the glass as the officers wiped off the makeup, revealing Felix’s face (or, really, Marjorie Stone’s face). She stared at the glass, smiling, as if knowing we were watching.

“Neither of you are talking to her,” Hotch said as he walked in. “Garcia has a lead on the Alice case; I want you working on that.”

I decided against arguing, knowing I couldn’t change his mind. Spencer and I walked out and to the conference room, where Morgan had Penelope on speakerphone.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“I’ve got a link between Alice and Marjorie Stone. Also, I’ve got connections between Stone and several agents that were on site,” she answered, “I’m working on tracking them down now, but at least one of them was on the roof.”

“So, what do you need us for?” Spencer asked.

“Honestly? Not much, Hotch just wants me to keep you out of the interrogation room,” she said. “Until I can figure out where these assholes are, you can’t do much.”

I sighed; I’d guessed that, but it still stung to hear it.

“Can you two go get coffee or something?” Morgan asked. “You probably need a walk anyways.”

I laughed, “Okay, fair. Spence?”

“I’ll never say no to coffee,” he smiled.

***

We walked slowly to a local coffee shop, enjoying the fact that we were able to spend time together, even if it was because we were tracking down a crazy stalker. Spencer and I got coffee for ourselves and a tray of coffee for the rest of the team, and walked back, hand in hand.

We passed out drinks; Hotch was still in the interrogation room, so I just put his on the table.

“Garcia, any updates?” I asked.

“Working on getting current locations on the fake agents, I’ll have those to their local FBI offices soon,” she answered.

“You’re an angel,” I said.

***

Spencer and I curled around each other in bed that night. I stared into the darkness, breath shaking.

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asked, clearly half-asleep.

I shook my head, “Nothing, go back to sleep.”

“No, tell me what’s going on,” he kissed my neck.

“I don’t want you to lie to me,” I whispered. “Please don’t ever again.”

“Okay,” he answered quietly. “I won’t.”

“I love you, Spencer Reid,” I smiled.

He pulled me close. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun with this soft angst


End file.
